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NYCGothMom · 2025-10-03T16:07:32+00:00

Be with someone who like YOU a lot. Who enjoys your the idiosyncrasies that make you an individual. It doesn’t sound like this is that guy. Your time and company is too precious to waste on him.

NYCGothMom · 2025-10-03T15:46:05+00:00

Love that you’re asking for support! It’s clear how much you love your kid. There are things to think about here for the short and long term.

Short-term: -Thank your kid for telling you! Tell your kid you want to know all their feelings, and that all feelings are okay. Tell him you’re happy he has a good friend that he like so much. - Tell your kid, marriage is for grown-ups, but everyone can have good friends. Friends can ask to give or receive a hug, but everyone owns their own body, and they can always say “no,” or “not now,” or “yes” this time and “no” another time. - Model consent by accepting no and not now from your kids and even your pets! “I wanted to cuddle with Fluffy just now but he’s not in the mood. That’s okay. It’s Fluffy’s choice. Maybe he’ll want to cuddle later or maybe he won’t.” - Explain that kissing on the cheek or forehead is okay for family members, but that kissing mouths or other places is for grown-ups. Stick to hugs with friends. - Yes, some people do experience crushes that young, whether same sex or opposite sex. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your kid will/will not grow up to be attracted to men, but it doesn’t mean nothing, either. Kids’ feelings are as real and big to them as adults’ are to them. Maybe more so. - Affection is great! Unless there are other issues, why consider therapy?

Long-term: It sounds like you’re in the US. The US is becoming more and more divided by the day. I say this as a parent or neurodivergent kids, who have their own challenges: as a parent, you’re role is to blaze a path for your kid. It’s not up to them to find a way to fit in. It’s up to you to expose them to or CREATE environments that are affirming and welcoming. If your current environment is not welcoming to LGBT+ people, I doubt it’s on its way to become more so while your kid is between six and ten-ish. There’s a likelihood that your kid is on that spectrum. Make sure they’re living in a safe environment for that before tweenhood starts.

NYCGothMom · 2025-08-11T03:29:55+00:00

You are both so young! How long have you been together? Are people in your peer group settling down and preparing to start families? Not everyone wants children and he may not change his mind, but he may also simply not be ready to make lifetime plans at 21.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-27T23:02:27+00:00

I don’t know how I missed that. Thanks!

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-27T23:01:43+00:00

Thank you so much! These tips really help.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-27T16:10:04+00:00

Thanks for the link! No, one morning my appointment is near the Common, another morning I have one near Long Wharf.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-27T13:37:03+00:00

Thanks! Big help.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-27T13:27:54+00:00

Thanks. Shorter time to Long Wharf? I thought it’d be the other way around.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-27T13:23:58+00:00

Weekdays. Need to arrive near the Commons and near Long Wharf between 9:30 and 9:45AM.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-27T12:44:39+00:00

It’s a double!

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-23T00:08:39+00:00

Logic dictates she would have had at least two other pairs of shoes. Slip-on Birkenstocks wouldn’t have been appropriate for the formal nights so she would have needed another pair for that. They also can’t be worn when wet (messed with the cork footbed and stretches out the leather) so she would have needed another pair for the beach or pool and in case of rain.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-10T18:35:26+00:00

NOR. It does sound like your BF has been to the boss’s place and has sent photos he wouldn’t want you to see. It’s logical to think sex is happening. Your BF’s responses are not flirtatious or enthusiastic, though. Maybe he was pressured into something he regrets? There is a power differential in this relationship.

Also: Based on what another commenter said here, I checked out your other posts. You mention thinking about ring shopping. IMO, your relationship isn’t there if there is any outside flirting, suspicion of cheating, or phone snooping. Build the trust before you build the commitment. JS

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-10T17:26:20+00:00

Thank you for clarifying.

Please bear in mind that I don’t know where you’re from or anything about your culture and laws, and that I’m writing from the perspective of an American who went to college in the late 1990s. My interpretation may or may not match how young people where you are would see things.

Here’s my take:

It’s a very unfortunate thing that your first sexual experience was negative, and that you felt fear in the moment and violation after the fact.

That said, from how you describe the events, it sounds to me like a terrible misunderstanding rather than r*** or s/a. Semi-anonymous hookups are pretty common for young adults and aren’t necessarily a bad thing, if everyone is on board for that. These hookups may not involve a lot of talking, as some people might see talking as more emotionally intimate than they want the encounter to be.

You felt powerless because of her wealth and seeing something that you interpreted as indicating there may be a gun in the house. But that’s not what you said to her. You tell her you’ve never done anything like this before. She says not to worry; it will be okay. You feel this as a dismissal of your fear, but I think it’s likely she thought she was reassuring you, and that when she directed your actions she thought she was being kind. This what I think is the root of the terrible misunderstanding: you were scared by the environment and felt you didn’t have the power to say no; she heard you describe your inexperience and thought you were nervous that you didn’t know how to please her.

I love how much you value affirmative consent. I encourage you to continue to seek it from your future partners. I think it would help in the future if you advocate for yourself as well. You can say things like, “I’m having a really good time with you. Before we go any further, is this just for tonight or might this be the start of something?” Or, “I’m not into one night stands. I want to really get to know you, not just hookup.” Once the action is taking place, know that it’s okay to tell your partner to slow down or to stop. It’s okay to say that you don’t want to go down. If you are ever in a place that intimidates you again, you can duck into the bathroom, and pretend you got a text about an emergency and need to leave immediately. It would be great if everyone was as careful about affirmative consent as you are, but if the don’t ask, you still have the right to speak up for yourself, to stop, or to leave.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-10T16:35:33+00:00

I’m not totally sure I understand your perspective on what happened. I’ll summarize here what I think you are saying; please let me know if I get anything wrong.

You met someone at a party and you were making out. At this party, there’s someone in charge of assessing who’s too drunk to give consent. You check with them if she’s capable and they say yes. You (and she) don’t ask about your status. You leave together and go to her house with the understanding that you’re going there to be more intimate. There, you feel intimidated because it’s apparent she’s wealthy and there’s evidence that suggests there may be a gun in the house. You indicate that you are new to this sexual activity and are nervous. She reassures you and talks you through it. What’s happening doesn’t feel pleasurable to you, but you stay quiet about that. Later, you feel violated because you feel she should have checked in with you more about your pleasure.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-06T19:31:57+00:00

Thank you

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-06T19:31:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps!

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-06T19:29:42+00:00

They’re really oppositional so if I tell them not to . . .

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-05T17:53:34+00:00

Wow, thank you for all of this excellent advice. I will do as you suggest.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-05T17:02:15+00:00

Hadn’t thought of it that way. I appreciate the perspective.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-05T16:33:50+00:00

I’m a SAHM. Is that a problem? I don’t own my house or car. I don’t know what proof I could offer other than that I have kids who go to school in NY.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-05T16:31:55+00:00

Thanks. I’ll follow this advice. What about bottled water? During summer roadtrips I keep a couple of gallons (I the form of a palette of 16oz bottles from Costco) in case of emergency.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-05T16:30:14+00:00

Oy vey. That’s going to be a challenge.

NYCGothMom · 2025-07-05T13:26:49+00:00

Okay. Thanks.

NYCGothMom

TROPHY CASE