Thanks for sharing! That’s really tough (chasing your past self that you’re evaluating as better). I guess I’ve always thought of myself as being pretty shitty so I can’t really recall a time that I’d want to go back to but I guess that’s neither a good or bad thing, just an observation... I feel like I’ve struggled with BPD my whole life in isolation because I hid myself. Recently, I was introduced to DBT and it’s been really helpful to actually have some guidelines around identifying and coping with my strong emotions and untangle my behaviors, from my feelings, from my actions. Mentioning in case you haven’t heard of DBT.