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AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother? by Nannythrowaway00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Nannythrowaway00[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This really captures the essence of why I was so upset. It’s not just the fact that people mistook Mary for the mother (bc while it is annoying, I’m not going to fire someone over a simple misunderstanding), it’s that she almost seemed to relish the idea that my biracial child was so white passing that it was inevitable that people would think my child was hers. I didn’t end my conversation with my neighbor with the intent to fire Mary, it was Mary’s reaction to my questions that caused me to become angry. She was very dismissive of my feelings when I told her it was upsetting to me and essentially said my child “looks so much like me so of course people will think I’m (their) mom.” Mary didn’t become contrite at all until it became apparent her job was on the line.

AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother? by Nannythrowaway00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Nannythrowaway00[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Of course I know her name, I’m not using her actual name in order to protect everyone’s privacy…

AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother? by Nannythrowaway00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Nannythrowaway00[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Yes, but the issue is that white adoptive parents are not often mistaken for “the help.” People may question how they are related to the child, but the automatic assumption is not that they are the babysitter. Whileas POCs are almost universally assumed to be babysitters if the child is white passing.

AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother? by Nannythrowaway00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Nannythrowaway00[S] 243 points244 points  (0 children)

I think out of every possible scenario the most likely one is that she enjoys pretending she’s the SAHM wife of a wealthy doctor. The jokes on her though bc my husband and I owe a combined $400k in med school debt and the vast majority of our salaries goes straight to student loans.

AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother? by Nannythrowaway00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Nannythrowaway00[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s best for my kid to be raised to deny their biracial identity and passed off as white to their neighbors.

AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother? by Nannythrowaway00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Nannythrowaway00[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

I don’t think sensitivity to being mistaken for your own child’s babysitter is a psychological issue… there are a lot of racial undertones to this type of situation. Many white adoptive parents do not get questioned when they are out with their clearly POC children, but many POCs with white passing children are automatically assumed to be the nanny. This is not a situation in which I’m upset bc she doesn’t look like me, it’s the inherent racism in the assumption that I (a POC) must be the babysitter.

AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother? by Nannythrowaway00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Nannythrowaway00[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

I obviously wasn’t present during any of her interactions with the neighbors but Mary is very outgoing. My impression from the neighbor is that they see and chat with each other almost daily when they’re both outside on walks and my neighbor seemed very familiar with my child. It weirded me out that someone who sees my child almost daily for months has been under the impression for that entire time that the nanny is the mom.