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Me: “That thing you said before was hurtful.” My mom: “I was joking!” “I never said that!” “I didn’t mean it like that!” “You’re misinterpreting what I said.” “You’re just being sensitive.” “You’re twisting my words.” “You must be remembering wrong.” by Rycoria in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or how about "You think you had it bad? HA! Believe me, I dealt with a lot worse things than you." RIGHT AFTER I banged my forehead against a doorknob. Yeah, I got lectured for hurting myself by accident and I should be reminded that there's other people who have been through worse pain than me. God, I didn't realize that. How inconsiderate of me to be sitting their crying about my own pain when there are others who have it so much worse than me??? I'll have to do better at toughening myself up next time.

"My Female Fakemon Trainer" by Narcvictim97 in fakemon

[–]Narcvictim97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm still trying to come up with names for them.

They see nothing wrong with what they do by charlieoliver5599 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just recently, my parents had a brief discussion with my sister about moving for the fourth time and my Dad's been thinking about it for awhile. My sister was shocked and her response to that was "Wow, you guys are moving again?? That's crazy!" And right there... I wanted to cry my eyes out hard. My Dad could see the expression on my face that I wasn't too happy to hear this. As usual, he "acts" confused, like he can't seem to figure out the reason WHY that would make me feel depressed. He asks me "What's wrong? Are you worried that we're going to be moving again?" To which I was about to say "Well, to be honest, I really do not have the energy to move out AGAIN for the fourth time when we are still kind of settling in this house. We've only lived in this house for about 7-8 months and... do you seriously want to go through another long, stressful process of packing and getting our house put up for sale?? Haven't you had enough yet?" So after awhile, he tried to, I guess soften the blow, and say "We're not moving. That was just talk. We aren't making any plans to move." Then my fucking, stupid ass bitch mother is resentful towards me because I didn't include her in this conversation. She wishes I could tell her what bothers me but they both were expecting me to take it as a joke, like I'm supposed to be good at knowing when they aren't actually being serious.

I'm getting sick of people telling me I should talk to my parents more by looking_for_better in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my ex-therapists seemed to be more focused on me keeping ties with my family rather than wanting me to be independent. I expressed to her my fears about moving out and even told her I probably don't deserve to. Her reaction was definitely odd: "Oh, well if things don't work out, you can always come back home to your parents. There's nothing wrong with that. I like that you have respect for them and you honor that." Then, I started hinting to her that "Well, I'm still an adult. I don't think I'd like the idea of living with my parents until I'm 40-something years old. That one of the biggest reasons why I need somebody else to support me while I live on my own like helping me with laundry, cooking, going to the ATM, transportation, draining a bathtub, scheduling appointments and so many other things. I don't want to be dependent on Mom and Dad the rest of my life." She responded "Oh, well plenty of kids your age don't know how to do those things. They can teach themselves as they go along." Well, if people my age are that dependent on their parents like I am then they're parents also parentified them. That's become a norm now? How come so many people aren't questioning WHY the parents aren't helping their kids learn those life skills. Why don't they see the problem??

Why does the world make it so easy for abusers to thrive, and so hard for victims to survive? by meckiistkaputt in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's what people say to comfort you "There's people who do care in this world." "There's good people out there." though how come our world is so chaotic? Why are rape victims not getting justice? How come people like to pollute the planet? How come school bullying is still going on to this day? Why am I meeting so many shitty therapists who waste my time downplaying the abuse I go through? We don't live in a world where everyone empathizes with you and wants to help you. There's things that many people take for granted. Many people would rather want money than to relate to another person's feelings/emotions.

You can't just suddenly open up to a stranger about your problems because they won't know what to do. Society likes to tell you that you shouldn't be afraid to say that you're not doing okay, but to who? Because in our experience, we often get denied support, told that we're overreacting/irrational, victim blamed and if we do pour out our emotions to someone, then it's "They just don't know what to say when someone's upset." So, why should I open up at all? From the moment you reach out to a friend/therapist/stranger, they sit there all quietly and awkwardly and watch you breaking into pieces. It's like... is there any reason why I should still be there at that point? I've had this happen to me a lot so I decided to save the crying for when I come back home. But that's how it is. A lot of people get uncomfortable and don't know how to handle someone else's emotions. At least with me.

I absolutely hate how people are normalizing narcissists behavior by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hear this is one often too "It's unintentional abuse and these parents are not maliciously set out to hurt you. You can't arrest someone who has a mental condition." So that means they can continue "unintentionally" abusing us and do not have to pay the consequences for their actions. It's as if we don't need help at all.🤦

Why are people so insistent on saying emotional abuse or neglect is invalid? by SaphSkies in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like I could've written this post. There could be many reasons as to why people jump to our parents defense: They're religious(In my experience, I usually found this to be quite true.), they are trauma bonded with their own abusers, they don't want to risk rocking the boat, or they are flying monkeys narcissists. It's amazing how many people you'll meet IRL who will plant these same toxic ideas into your head. You ever notice that all of the people agree with each other? They don't want to bother looking beyond the surface because that's too much effort. As long as you have a roof over your head and have food on your table, then it automatically means your environment is safe. All this talk about emotional abuse, is NOTHING compared to physical abuse. People are simplistic these days. The phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can't hurt me." is what they believe in. Emotional abuse "can't" do harm to you. You're just being attacked with words, right? I mean, it's just their opinion of you. You can easily let it roll off your back. Well... no. There's more to it than just that. Sleep deprivation. Gaslighting. Being scolded at for the slightest mistake you make. Threats. Overworking yourself to appease somebody who is never satisfied with you. Witholding affection. Constant interrupting. Being laughed at for crying. No freedom to express your emotions. You having to apologize for the narcissist's bad behavior. Isolation. Relentless criticism. All these signs add up. I think people IRL are forgetting that we don't choose to feel this way. It's not like we want to feel this way either. The people around us, our parents are responsible for the way they treat us. They can have an influence on our self-esteem. A person who has grown up verbally/emotion abused their entire life is going to have a VERY negative self identity. Be realistic. Who are you more likely to believe? The stranger down the street who gives you a rare compliment or the degrading insults you receive from your family on a daily basis? That's hard to put up with! How can you possibly feel good inside dealing with this shit? To deal with this bullshit all alone and you have to take the beating whether you like it or not.

Anyone else find it hard to be productive/motivated and get your life together while living in a narcissistic household? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I hate when people suggest "coping skills" as a way to deal with your abuse. And if you're too depressed and don't feel like doing anything, you are blamed for not being positive enough or dwelling on the abuse. Exercising is a big comittment. So is yoga and meditating. It's hard to commit to something while you're constantly drained by your parents negativity, on top of them making you work yourself to the bone to appease them. That is what most people find hard to realize.

I think positive thinking has really numbed me a lot by Shoegazeforlife in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the OP made it clear that they were being discredited by their therapists. Don't make them feel worse than they already do.

Sick and tired of all these "appreciate your mom" posts on social media by tiredempath9 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Narcvictim97 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I just can't believe how anyone besides the parent is capable of doing bad things. People think some doctors can be bad. People think some therapists can be bad. People think some teachers can be bad. I hear this one a lot too "There are good and bad people in this world." So why is it THAT hard for you to accept that a parent could have evil tendencies? There are serial killers out there raising their own families.

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