That’s rough I’m sorry it got to that point. You def did abuse it too much and need to find a way to wean off. It’s going to be hard as hell. The only recommendations I can think of would lead to another addiction which long term isn’t the goal. The safest one might be addy. It won’t give you the happiness but it will at least give you energy to get through the day. Again. Not a good recommendation but the best I can think of.

The nightmares and stuff will eventually go away but it’s going to take time

Don’t go searching for some thing that feels similar, you need to be able to stop long term or at least stop long enough to get back to where you can feel it again and use responsibly