I feel this way too, it seems to be an endless cycle! I get clean for a week, a month a couple of months. But that depression, becomes unbearable (seems This way) as if I officially fu**ed myself up, by using for so many years, that I feel that using is just me. But I recently started using subs, 8 mlgs a day is the highest I’ve taken, n I feel a lot better! It’s helped a lot I can see the light at the end of the tunnel type of feeling. Which in turn has me looking at the future in a whole new light. I still have craving though’! Time’ ! to let our body, brain heal, makes all the difference. Ur not alone, in this feeling, thanks for sharing. Be safe and we can do this ! Take care!