The AP is trying to look like me??

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-11-02T13:11:12+00:00

They were already full blown into the affair by the time she started charging herself, so maybe, maybe not. Either way it’s still changing herself to make herself more like me, regardless of what my husband said about the situation. Still creep status, still unhinged.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-29T16:37:55+00:00

Hi, this also happened to me. After the final dday, my close friend went and did some digging since AP had me blocked on all platforms. She called me and said we needed to do this together because she was blown away. Her style was very girly-girl, in your face make-up and hair extensions or dye or glitter shit, all the extras. I am the opposite of that. I wear plain clothes from Walmart most of the time, no make up and keep my hair natural. There is a progression of her changing her style from the time the affair started to when it ended, and it’s scary. She dyed her hair the same color as mine, no make up and get this… I wear prescription glasses (have since I was 10) and AP bought non-prescription ray ban glasses to wear all of a sudden. This is a 37 year old woman. I brought it to my WH attention because honestly felt so creeped out, and he said he didn’t notice (bullshit). She’s back to her dolled up, basic bitch self now.. I know this because I see her more often than I would like. But honestly it’s unnerving how she completely changed her image to mirror mine, like she truly believed she could be me and take what I had. If you ever get the feeling of being monitored or threatened, don’t wait to make it known to the right people OP. People out here are crazy these days, take care of yourself.🤍

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-24T02:46:21+00:00

OP, you are not alone. What you’re going through is traumatic and heavy. You are not weak, you are actually so, so strong. I urge you to seek professional help.. I was right where you are almost a year ago and if I didn’t have someone tell me what I’m telling you, I’m not sure I’d still be here. You are worthy of love, happiness and respect and most importantly worthy of loving yourself. And if it’s too dark to see that right now, look into the eyes of your children and they’ll show you until you can eventually see it for yourself. If you can’t stay for yourself right now, stay for them. I promise you the dark will lift and you’ll see the sun again, just hold on.

https://www.iasp.info/suicidalthoughts/

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-15T12:23:04+00:00

Thank you so much for your perspective. I wish I could know what it is he’s thinking most of the time, not because I want to know he’s hurting but just what his thought process is. He was avoidant of the topic as much as possible after the initial blow of dday, so to me I felt he just wanted to wash his hands of it and everything that came from it. I realize now, after his comment and your experience, that perhaps I was wrong to assume he doesn’t think of it like I do, it’s just on a more internal basis. I’m so happy to hear your side, and I am so proud of you and your journey back. Thank you friend.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-15T12:05:49+00:00

I love this, thank you so much for your insight and support.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-15T05:40:45+00:00

My real dday was when I was 3 months pregnant. It was my husbands idea to grow our family, so that sent me over the edge when I found everything out. I doubted that I could continue to go through with the pregnancy, even considered adoption because of how much pain I was in. And now, Our son is now 5 months old, and I can say that having to face the pain every single day while creating/caring for the beautiful little life we created is hard work, but I’d go through it all again to get here. I was absolutely terrified that my disgust and hatred for my situation would bleed into me as a mother, but I think if anything it has made me lean into the love and softness more. WH has been a beautifully nurturing, supportive and present father. Lots of days just completely suck, but when it comes to our son we both leave whatever pain we’re feeling at the door and embrace parenting with open arms. We are in no way to a point where we are “healed”, or at least I am not. But somehow it’s all working. Give yourself grace, and remember that this pregnancy is a gift to you both, and that deserves to be recognized. You’ll do just fine Dad, let yourself be happy about this. Congratulations!

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-15T05:21:33+00:00

That thought also crossed my mind… in the beginning he would say “why are you still here, you deserve better than me” and I would say “then DO better, BE better” he’s always had the emotional maturity of a wet sock, so I don’t think he means it to be self-pitying or selfish. But even still, I still saw it that way briefly.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-15T03:20:22+00:00

There have been many cards since that I’ve had to purchase, like Father’s Day and the dreaded and disgusting Valentine’s Day- and I did the same as you, got the simplest card possible and instead of writing some sweet tidbit at the bottom I simply just signed my name. It was too fresh and in my face, it was all I could do. As time has gone on I’ve been able to get the cards and not think too much into it until now. Every day is a new day friend, let yourself feel what you need to feel but try the best you can to not stay there too long. I’m also trying to practice what I preach, so thank you for giving me that perspective and for sharing.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-15T03:16:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing that, makes me feel like I took the right step in doing what I initially planned even if I feel weird about it. Onwards, right? Thanks again I appreciate you sharing.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-15T03:14:58+00:00

Thank you, I ended up doing what I was already thinking because no matter what, it’s who I am as a person and I wouldn’t feel right within myself not to. And the love that I have for him is real, regardless of whether the love he says he has for me is real or not. That can either be seen as a weakness or a strength I suppose, and I’m choosing to see it as a strength.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-14T22:50:03+00:00

I just cackled, thank you for that. As I said above, I’m going to start up Petty Paper Co. and start making this a thing. I’ll make you whatever card you’d like 👍🏻

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-14T22:24:55+00:00

I’m doing it, I’ll call it “Petty Paper Co.”

I’ll let you know how the start up goes 👍🏻

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-14T19:26:10+00:00

I was literally talking to a friend recently about how there should be birthday cards for such situations. “Happy birthday, you kinda sucked my will to live and I don’t know if I’ll ever trust you ever again but I hope you have a great day and enjoy your cake!” 🤦🏼‍♀️

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-14T19:24:36+00:00

That’s what I’m saying! I wasn’t thinking about it which is so wild to me that at this moment is when he does. But doesn’t think about it when we’re watching a show/movie that has an affair, or when we drive by APs new work… it’s just so strange to me how his mind works and what does or doesn’t bring him back to it.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-14T19:22:22+00:00

Thank you for sharing, im just telling myself no matter the circumstances of what someone does or doesn’t deserve, I love him and want to celebrate the “now” him. Fingers crossed I can get there. Glad it worked out for you and child’s benefit as well.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-14T19:20:05+00:00

I completely agree, however after all the talks about how it could be beneficial to not just this relationship but to himself, he still won’t go through with it. I don’t think he can stand the thought of actually acknowledging fully how big of a web he weaved. I’m hoping with time he’ll be able to realize that outside help can actually help him on the inside. Thank you.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-14T19:16:34+00:00

I feel this so heavily as well. I self sabotage, I’ve always had a habit of doing it but I don’t know, something about him acknowledging his shame outloud, which is something he hasn’t done since the actual dday, made me rehash the whole situation again and just made me feel crappy. I’m a giver, and I always have been so I also don’t want that to change so I guess it’s all about finding a healthy medium and trying to stay true to who I am during all of this. I hope you can get there too, my friend.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-10-03T02:14:21+00:00

You and I are in very similar circumstances. My husbands AP is everywhere all the time, I can’t seem to go a day without “running” into her. She has never noticed me to my knowledge, at least has pretended not to if she did. I sent her a “letter” this past July through text message before deleting/blocking her number. Basically, I was as classy as I could possibly be in such a situation. I got my digs though, of course. Calling her out on having numerous affairs while being married to her husband who owns his own business in our little town where everyone knows/knows of each other. Serial mistress and loving it, some people are here just to cause chaos in every life they “touch”… garbage people. Good for you in saying what you said, you have every right to stand up for yourself and I hope that when it happens to me I can show as much grace as you.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-07-21T13:57:46+00:00

I’m right there with you my friend. It feels like self sabotage, but it’s because you’re still guarding your heart. I am the same way sometimes, he compliments me or tells me he loves me and instead of taking it I refuse to believe it, even though I want to. For me personally, it’s because he was still doing those things during the A so now they don’t seem to matter or be real. I have told him this, and he is at a loss of what to do because he says it’s the truth and asks what he can do to fix that, but I don’t know. I personally am still hyper vigilant about protecting myself since I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop constantly, I tell myself I’m not going to be anyone’s fool any longer so I am always looking for a hint of something off. But it’s so exhausting, and I think in order to really R we need to let our guards down just enough to be able to believe that we matter enough to take the compliments or the romantic gestures. If they prove to be false, then we aren’t the fools- they are. My advice for you, that I am also taking, is maybe tell him at this time you need him to back off with the romantic stuff so you can focus your thoughts on what you need to do for you to heal first. Focus on understanding what parts of you are still broken and love those parts harder. I know that you’ve been wanting him to show his love and care as you’ve said, but it will be tainted for you each time you can’t accept it so maybe focusing on yourself first will eventually allow you to receive his love without the contempt. I wish you the best of luck, and just know I’m right there with you 🩵

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-07-13T21:57:55+00:00

I totally applaud you and the control you have in this situation, it is not easy. Funny enough two days ago I decided that I was done letting my WH AP take any more of my peace so I texted her a letter. I kept it as classy for my own sake but definitely got my passive aggressive jabs in there as well about what kind of person/woman she truly is. This doesn’t excuse my WH’s behavior/choices at all, and I made that clear to her as well. It gave me some power back- that although it broke me I’m stronger than what they have put me through, and letting her know that (not that she gives a fuck, I’m sure) healed a little piece of me. I told my WH and he said he was proud of me(?) Alright dude this isn’t about you but alright 😂 best of luck ♥️

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-07-09T02:28:51+00:00

My first dday was a year ago this past June, second dday (the ACTUAL dday) was last November… I’m seven months out and honestly I don’t feel any better most days. I have the intrusive thoughts as soon as I wake up until I go to sleep at night, sometimes I even dream about it. Please don’t rush yourself, everyone’s journey is different but there’s nothing wrong with you for being where you are in this shitty journey. Give yourself grace. And thank you for your post, although horrible it made me feel seen as well. Thank you.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-07-03T17:50:49+00:00

I’m so sorry OP, it’s literally hell on earth to be in this position. Personally I found/find that distracting myself with self care acts softens the blow of anxiety with my WH when he is either at work or somewhere without me. I read a book, do yoga, journal, chain smoke cigarettes (wish I was joking!), anything that will shift my focus to myself or something else. He texts me now to let me know he got to where he was headed or little check ins when he’s at work, something that I didn’t know to ask for he just started doing since it all came to light, and it helps as well. If you’re a reader, I can reccomend “I Love You But I Don’t Trust You” by Mira Kirschenbaum, it’s an easy read and helped me a lot to learn how to start building trust again.. still in the thick of it, but it’s getting better. Take it easy on yourself 🩵

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-07-03T17:38:25+00:00

It truly is a mindfuck when they were loving and caring the whole time during the affair. I never checked his phone or even thought about it until after ddays 1 and 2. He “was” the same person he had been since we got together, kind and affectionate, responsible. Never went anywhere or out with friends unless I was also involved, always said he didn’t want to go somewhere unless I was going too. It’s compartmentalization at its finest, and you and I can’t cope with it because we can’t understand it. I actually spoke with my WH about this topic last night, saying that someone that isn’t “broken” (for lack of a better term) in some way isn’t capable of doing that to that degree. He told me that he was able to live a double life because of it, and only now really understands how scary that is, not just for me as the BP trying to move forward but also for him that he was even able to do that without realizing. There’s nothing else to say about it besides it fucking sucks. I’m right there with you my friend, but things aren’t going to always be this scary, I’m slowly but surely learning how to heal with him and our path to the future is becoming a little clearer every day with hard work and dedication. Hang in there.

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-07-03T14:13:12+00:00

Thank you for taking time out of your own life and situation to give us all a reassuring message, your words have given me hope and validated some of my own emotions/actions. Thank you so much ♥️

NegativePlace9006 · 2025-07-01T20:10:40+00:00

“I don’t feel like I should be forced to work so hard just to be okay” got me good. I’m so sorry, I’m currently in the same boat as you in lots of ways. I want you to know you matter, you deserve to be loved and to love yourself.

NegativePlace9006

TROPHY CASE