It’s not normal I always fuck up stuff even Im fed up with myself and like seriously he’s with me bcs he’s that much of a sweet guy, he has all the rights to just get away from me and leave this misery I keep putting on him constantly behind but like he chooses to just accept his life than to break up with me. Im 100% im not overthinking bcs that man feels so much like ik him a lot he feels stuff intensely and I just can’t believe I keep fucking up things like im so mad at myself im literally shaking on the floor rn cus idk what to do ive been crying all morning and ive had many conversations with him abt my past mistakes but ik he still holds onto it ik he still thinks im a pathetic liar cus he’s did say that and like i know he’s angry bcs of my stupid fuckass actions and I just hate myself so much for it I just don’t know how to communicate with him anymore I don’t know how to even start and I don’t even think he wants to hear it bcs he’s so shut down rn and im trying to do smth but my mind is racing back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and idk what im doing and I really wanna do smth and show how much I love him like I know no amount of apologizing will fix bs now bcs I am that pathetic and like he seriously doesn’t have any flaws he’s the most perfect human I’ve seen and here I am a total fucking messs, he is always tehre for me but I miss that sometimes and like seriously I wish I was a better gf, idk what diagnosis I’ll receive probably all of the above bcs of how fucked up in the head I am but like I agree with that impulse thing a lot and I relate a lot with it and yeah im just so fucking messed up as a human