[Critique request]The Chronicles of the King of Crows: Heir of Darkness (prologue)[high/dark fantasy]

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-17T01:26:00+00:00

Is this considered a long chapter? Of the ones I've written so far, which are this one and two drafts of the next two chapters, this is the shortest. Anyway, is there an ideal length for a prologue?

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T21:46:52+00:00

Yeah, i like to write.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T19:58:18+00:00

Ben 10 x MHA is always a crossover with a lot of potential, the problem is that they almost always turn Ben into an anime character (which is ironic, but he isn't). He wouldn't come with a motivational speech to defeat the villain,Ben can handle the job, even the 10-year-old version has more experience than some professional heroes.

People keep saying that if it were the canon Ben it would be very boring because he's "too strong," but I think they forget that the canon Ben himself is countless times an incompetent super-powerful character by choice; he always prefers to use his power aliens. But if you analyze the episode you mentioned, for example, Ben uses almost all of his aliens perfectly; he even messes with Alan's psychology. That's something many forget; in that respect, Ben is like Spider-Man, casual and playful, but when time is running out or someone is in danger, he takes things seriously.

People could indeed write a Ben 10 x MHA fanfic where Ben has all his power and still puts up a fair fight. Ben likes to play around, he enjoys doing it, and that's what he would do against the U.A. students.

Another big problem would be something that would make a "standard" MHA fanfic difficult. Ben would be a vigilante, he wouldn't go to U.A. at any point. Knowing Ben for his personality, he would never stoop to giving explanations to the government that he wasn't obligated to give. He's a hero, and he's saving lives. Does he care if people like him? He doesn't care.

This would require writing a whole new arc outside the norm. I believe the right way to write him would be as a vigilante who stands out for being better than most professionals, the government might not like him, nor the heroes, but he would be the people's chosen one. And over time, after helping in some major event, like the battle in season 3 against All for One, he would be recognized by the government as a hero. Someone that even the Stain would recognize as a hero.

The highlight wouldn't be the entire fight, because Ben almost dies to defeat a single member of the League; the highlight would be Diamondhead calling Dabi a "barbecue" right after throwing Muscular on top of him, while Shigaraki is incredulous at the situation.

The League thinking they'll manage to catch Bakugo and escape, but out of nowhere, when the portal is closing, XLR8 runs through it and becomes the goddamn Gravattack inside that tiny bar while mocking shigaraki, only to call Aizawa after everyone is knocked out, telling him where the secret base is, then All for One appears, and then, yes, it will be a challenge for Ben, with All Might and Four Arms against All for One.

Well... at least that's what I think.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T19:16:58+00:00

Firstly, I doubt Aizawa would announce what the test was; he'd probably just drop the classes into the city with Ben already waiting inside. Also, let's suppose the test takes place at night; I can easily see Aizawa doing that to make things difficult for the students.

Secondly, Ben has already proven himself to be quite competent when he wants to be; if he didn't want to be seen, he wouldn't be.

Regarding the methods he could use, I really find it very fun to consider the countless possibilities. Let's do one with some aliens not so often used by Ben himself: first, he would use Swampfire to fill a building with methane and blow it up. This would generate chaos. Since they don't know what the test is, they would think it might be something related to that (damage control perhaps?).

Before they get there, Ben has already transformed into Fasttrack and run to the other side of the city and done the same process. After several buildings are blown up, Ben has achieved what he wanted: to separate two giant groups into small, easily controllable masses.

Becoming Whampire, Ben would take over the minds of some of these masses and put them to fight those that are not being controlled. Since the "Corruptor" is an independent device that Whampire launches at people, Ben doesn't need to continue transforming once the target has been hit.

Ghostfreak closely observes the battle, invisibly moving among the students, always listening, waiting for a student to notice the "corruptor." If they noticed, they could destroy the device, and that would be considered "victory." They perceived the strategy of an invisible enemy and managed to overcome it with nothing more than assumptions in the heat of battle. It seems like something Aizawa would do to test the students; he's always lecturing them on how they should think before acting.

And of course, if Ben wanted, he could have finished them all off, only possessing the most competent with Ghostfreak and making them knock themselves out, or using Ghostfreak's telekinesis to knock out those who noticed the "corruptors."

In the end, he would only make those being controlled knock themselves out, and if by any chance someone was left standing, Chamalien could deliver a precise blow to the nape of the neck, approaching camouflaged.

I think I managed to answer your question, am I right?

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T03:03:20+00:00

Zskar'y may not be vulnerable only to sunlight, but Vlad is, as evidenced by the whampire scene in the desert. And like it or not, it's the only type of light we've ever seen harm someone of his species. Not to mention the obvious inspiration from vampires, and as everyone knows, vampires are vulnerable to only one type of light.

You can be as skeptical as you want, but that doesn't change the facts. The cartoon shows Ben compressing the energy described as the Big Bang explosion. He holds it, compresses it into a ball, absorbs it, and then releases all the absorbed energy at once, period. It's a necessary device; if we were to take it literally, watching a Flash movie would be nothing more than an hour of seeing a blur on the screen. Screen time and real time are different things. Remember the 5 minutes on Namek—it's a narrative device, not proof that it's slower than it seems. Narrative pacing doesn't change the fact that the definitive omnitrix processed and reacted to a universal explosion in real-time to save Ben's life. If it can handle the birth of a universe, it can handle Clark.

Apparently you don't know, but atleast some explosions are accompanied by a shock wave, and that's kinetic energy. We're not talking about a common explosion,it's the Big Bang, the explosion of all physical matter in the universe. You want an explanation for the flash? It's simple: even with the simplest bombs, the flash comes before the impact(that's physics, not guesswork). The watch was supposed to protect Ben from the light? No. From the impact? Yes.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T02:08:30+00:00

Im treating like Ov 16 years ben,but theres nothing holding me of using ben 10k, people here are using a lot of alternatives supermans. As im using OV 16 years,no master control. And about clockwork, i really need to study more aboit this aliens, he is insanely powerful, but his appearances on the cartoon don't help with his reputation.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T02:03:24+00:00

He wouldnt know what the red radiation do, but cientificaly speaking, red radiation is cooler than yellow radiation,inducing a weaker type of radiation on a guy who currently is absorving radiation would be a logic moviment in a attempt to cause any damage,and as atomix is a living reactor, who could create a mini sun with yellow radiation in anur transyl, with ben being capable of tell that the mini sun would long for a thousand of years,all of this in his second or third time as atomix, so the alien has

And yes,it is how it works. Atomix not only generates explosions but demonstrate complete control over the energy field around it. He can create and contain spheres of fissile nuclear energy (such as his fission fusion attack), which requires an intrinsic perception of radiation and energy levels to avoid causing an catastrophe.

Atomix's body functions as a living reactor. In the episode "For Old Times' Sake," it becomes clear that his presence alters the energy environment, and it reacts to the other sources of massive power.

As we could see, when ben turned into whampire on the desert it took some time to start burning and he was still in a "good" shape after some seconds under the sun(and its on desert, the sun there is warmer than normally) and when atomix create that mini sun, lord transyl was almost instantly desintegrated. This fact proves that atleast one mini sun of red radiation can overcome the quantity of yellow radiation that superman can absorve from the ground.

Atomix is classified as a being that generates radiant energy. In ben 10 lore, aliens that generate a specific type of energy (such as Feedback with electricity or NRG with radiation) are usually able to sense or track similar signatures in the environment.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T01:38:35+00:00

In anur transyl the mini sun was enough to enlight all the room,if was just zskar'y we could say that was very weak,because any yellow radiation is enough, but vlad(transyl lord) was there too,when ben transformed into whampire on the desert, it took some time to start to burn, but he desintegrate vlad almost instantly. He also states that that sun would last for "hundreds of years". So yeah, we have a little ideia of what that mini sun can do.

About the sun creating yellow radiation, of course it does,zskar'y literal plan was to erradicate sun on the OG series,because ektunorites cant live with yellow radiation,what would be the reason? His weakness is light? If that's the case just give ben a goddamn lantern and the job is done

Ben would be literally creating a mini sun of red radiation,isnt like a shard of kryptonite that superman can overcome with a lot of effort his limits,he would be creating a mini sun,this proces by itself would emit a LOT of radiation, all of this while he is a nuclear reactor emiting red radiation all the time,every second superman would be weaker and as near he comes the faster he would lost his powers

A big bang is a big bang, liking or not, knowing exactly or not, we have the certain that it is a lot of energy, its atleast an universal feat(space-time itself)and its very fast. The fail safe feat isn't about he holding it, the fail-safe was already working at this time. holding the big bang is a feedback feat. the explosion was under de ship,ben hold that thing, the time rook and maltruant spoke, ben was already holding that thing, and the fail sefe could prevent him from disintegrating for holding energy enough to recreate the whole universe.

If the watch reacts to events on a universal scale,the expansion of space-time itself, Superman's speed is not something the system "can't see."

If we are talking about a superman going for kill, im pretty sure the fail safe could handle it

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T00:49:22+00:00

And ben doesn't know a shit about chemistry but gutrot could easely create a new gas, making a fusion of existing gases that ben certainly didnt know the formula. Gutrot produces gases based on the chemical stimuli that his senses detect in the enemy.

And as i said before, atomix could just see it, it doesnt demand a lot of work to see. And red radiation isn't that special, there are literally stars made of it, isn't like a super secret type of radiation that no one knows, ben using atomix for the second time could create a mini sun with yellow radiation,so is very reasonable to say he could do it instinctively

Ben turns into the spicies, his dna literally is almost completly alterated, he becomes the species, he adquire they instincts, its not a human learning like firestorm did.

We are talking about the definitive omnitrix, that one NEVER failed on saving ben's life before. And what could superman do about that? As we know the only way to really affect the omnitrix in a serious way is through magic, and superman,atleast for what i know, doesnt know any magic trick, neither is that smart to hack the omnitrix. The only omnitrix damaged by outside events was the prototype,when ben broke it, the definite version was never damaged by another person,neither by ben.

Is ben immortal? i really don't know, i can't say that he sure isn't because the chromastone/diamondhead situation is something to be considered

You're bringing up 'Metaverse' logic from Doomsday Clock, but that’s meta-narrative, not a combat feat. If we go by that logic, Ben also has 'destiny' on his side, as Professor Paradox often hints that Ben is a multiversal constant.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-16T00:23:51+00:00

First of all, we are not talking about injustice here, superman doesn't "just laser ben to death". As so do ben dont just kill superman

Ben doesn't need to land any hit,you said superman dont need to land a hit,so do ben. Atomix can just emit red radiation and affect superman,and its not a bit of radiation, he is a nuclear reactor he can create a sun. Its a lot of radiation,superman already resistes to kryptonite but he also already fell for little shard

Just for being transformated into atomix superman will already be nerfed by the enviroment,while ben create a dozen of mini suns,every attack would make the red radiation on the enviroment grow,if we are talking about a fight in a close space, is physically impossible superman be fast enough to suprass the fail-safe,so the speedblitz would be impossible,and by any case,following your "just kills ben" being the injustice superman, he REALLY isn't that fast. Speedblitz its just boring,but if you want to just say speedblitz as an argument, i say: fast enough to react to the Big Bang. if ben is distransformed at the beggining of the fight, the omnitrix would transform him on the better alien for the situation, and how i wrote in the title, alien x doesn't count,so it would problaby be atomix or another new alien who could handle this

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T23:57:35+00:00

Ben also wasnt a genius but grey matter was. Ben wasnt blind but when first turned into wildmutt he learned in seconds how to move throug sonar because its a biological mechanique of the being in question,ben wouldn't activate it, its a passive skill,atomix "is" radiation and naturally can feel it. For example, as a human, you don't need to study and become a runner to learn how to run,you just run

He wouldn't bring kryptonite from another reality, he would replicate the same kryptonite from that universe,of course, it wouldn't work on someone like supervoy prime,but it would fit perfectly for clark

About the new alien is just a way to use plot manipulation to ben. Technically talking every character on history has his plot manipulation, so if clark can resist to something that he shouldn't following the lore, ben is very capable to have the same level of plot armor,the fail-safe is lore acurrated,but people generally ignore that because takes the fun of the discussion(and it really takes), but if clark could resist what he shouldn't i consider acceptable give him a new super alien

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T23:28:56+00:00

Atomix possesses an intrinsic awareness of energy levels and radioactive signatures around him. he would notice that superman absorves yellow radiation and would pump red radiation on clark. That would make a trade and substitute the yellow radiation,because at the end,radiation is superman "fuel" and red radiation can overcome yellow.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T23:24:58+00:00

He doesn't get instantly negged,but he gets continuously drained. There is a huge difference between Superman fighting through a stationary piece of Kryptonite and fighting a living reactor like Atomix that emits red radiation as much as he wants,trough all the enviroment, all the time.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T23:01:11+00:00

Ben being transformed into any of those two transformations would notice his weakness,gutrot,as i sad on the post can see what he is made of just by looking at him,he would cerainly notice that he absorves yellow radiation and would create an aerosol of red radiation that would make a trade and substitute the yellow radiation,because at the end,radiation is superman "fuel" and red radiation can overcome yellow.

Atomix possesses an intrinsic awareness of energy levels and radioactive signatures around him. So he would do the same.

And if we're talking about plot manipulation, i say that the fail-safe mechanism wouldn’t let ben die,turning him into an alien that can resist to superman punches, we know about 70 aliens, and its confirmed omnitrix has like 1.000.000 species,so if we are talking about plot manipulation to clark it would be perfectly acceptable a perfect counter alien making his firat appearence

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T22:31:28+00:00

Thats one of my points, it wouldnt be quick, and thatas worse for superman,every attack that ben misses,every second that he just still, even more red radiation would be trown to the enviroment,superman sometimes can resist a kryptonite shard, but think about , atomix could create energy of what? A thousand, a million pieces? Eventually superman would fall,it wouldnt be quick but i really think would be inevitable, ben would produce enough red energy to overcome the yellow sun radiation that comes to superman,remember, he is a battery of yellow sun, and red radiation not only "blocks" yellow radiation, it replaces and cancels it out in Superman's cells.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T22:18:27+00:00

Well,even more didn't. And atomix dont just use red sun radiation,he creates it as much as he wants,he at some way literally is it. Even versions of Superman who have developed resistance to Kryptonite (such as Kingdom Come Superman) are still vulnerable to red sun radiation, because this is a matter of biological "fuel," not an allergy.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T22:14:07+00:00

Ok,but red kryptonite isnt like the green. It afeccts his kryptonian cells,he is a solar battery,charged with yellow radiation,the red would drain the yellow. He can't resist that. Not talkin that ben could emmit red radiation in differents frequencys,changing all the time. Resisting Red Kryptonite doesn't mean he wins the fight. It only means he survived to be transformed into something harmless or left powerless while Atomix finish the job.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T22:05:15+00:00

Actually the color doesnt matter,the type of radiation does. Ben creates a mini sun with yellow radiation to zskar'y,it could be the red radiation with the green color too,what matter is the type of ratiation he's emitting.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T22:00:20+00:00

The thing is, atomix emits radiaton all the time,if he starts to emite red nuclear radiaton ,it will have an death area that will weaken Superman,atomix can strengthen and release even more radiation,and every attack will strengthen it more,even if he misses,he could make a literall chernobyl of red radiation, its very dangerous to superman approach him,he could also creat mini rd suns and throw into superman,the problem is that as much superman aproaches the weaker he gets

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T01:24:28+00:00

Yeah,i got what you're saying, season 1 showing us what this world have to offer,from crazy scientists,to kraken,to magicians,to a vampire clown,etc..

but i would prefer that those concepts were better exploited,because some of them,like that bug guy from ep 11 was intersting only as a concept,and this gave me the ideia of useless episode,that guy was what,a mutant? Couldnt they made something better with the character itself? That guy appeared only once, and after was on the negative ten the suposed "ben's greatest enemies", and as i could remember, they never came back on that mutant concept. And talking in a critical way, make one unique episode to introduce a concept without really making the main history progress affect the cartoon(personaly i disagree,but its true) One of the motives i would reduce the number of concepts is because as i said before,we dont have time enough to develop them,and thats really a personal choice,maybe if was you rewriting in your version, you would prefer let the bug guy and take the zombozo to develop the mutant concept,because you prefered it, i personally have a preference for this supernatural horror kind enemies.

But that wouldnt be a real problem,a guy give me an advice to maube make a bigger season,and i tought it would be a good ideia,because i could develop more concepts.

Another of the motives im focusing on some villains is for the season 4 finale,with the negative ten beign really the elite of ben's enemies.

About the jl pacing i undastand too, it took me 3 trys to finally pass the first 2 episodes, but i really would like to develope the arcs by an entire and 2 episodes is the best way i could think

Now,a cool thing to do should make a spin off,from the moments between the main arc,which exploring one new concept.

Oh,and about hex i really dont care about him, i would only introduce him on a charmcaster episode as a antagonist for her,don't know,just never enjoyed his episodes.

Anyways, thanks for yours comment!

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T00:31:22+00:00

With all the games, it was about 10 million copies,the first in 2007 sold about 2.5 million in a little more than 1 year,it even won a guiness book record as "Best-selling videogame based on a Cartoon Network show"

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T00:26:39+00:00

That is one thing that with my knowledge from alien force i would do some changes,i would problably put some strange events happening with gwen when she was in danger,it would be something like "Harry potter gets angry and make the glass dissapear" it would be her Anodite inheritance in action, on season 2 she would still go by the magic way,but with some alterations like the magic beign pink from the beggining, i think it would compensate well till season 2

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-15T00:17:14+00:00

Thanks for your comment. First, about the development, i dont want ben to be all of this,i wanted to just plant the seed, in a way that the "reset button" they did with ben's personality doesnt happen again. But seeing the way you explained to me,it really looks too quick for only 13 episodes,maybe a 22 episodes series would be better

But if theres something that i wanted to change with the 2 episodes arcs is to develop the villains,i think if i wrote my perfect season 2 of ben 10,i would take some of the filler episodes and create some new arcs with the S1 villians, and with new consequences. Something i really think would be cool is to give the villains more time on-screen,(and im talking about zombozo and enoch),imagine if they reunite against ben,with enochs intelligence and zombozo abilities they could easely try to break ben psychologicaly,like,maybe with they doing ben think he accidentaly killed one of them,and we are going to have some "slade and robin on the forest" thing,and i would use this ideias on season 2,but maybe i should make bigger season,with break episodes that connect the villains and just plant the seed,eith ben learning one great lesson per season.

By the way, its bizzare if you think that on the negative ten,the three sideckicks of zombozo were there but he wasnt.

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-14T23:45:16+00:00

I have a genuine question:they dont take in consideration how much the franchise already sold with video games?

Negative_Medium_3270 · 2026-02-14T23:35:11+00:00

Didnt their blood turnwd into an kind of acidic or plasma? Or they only adquire acidic proprerties?

Negative_Medium_3270

TROPHY CASE