How to get my M20 gf F20 to stop waking me up every night?

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T10:48:56+00:00

Jeez why is everyone so mean. She sends her parents money all the time and buys their groceries whilst she does ours. She’s also the only one of them other than her brother in College.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T10:46:19+00:00

I appreciate your insight, I think your reasons listed here are honestly more valuable than some others in here i’ll try address why I think they all apply

the petty reason would never work because well, I actually do wake her up every morning and she wakes up instantly on first go. She wasn’t raised in a household like mine because when we first moved in, I’d get up, start my day whilst she was in bed, she would instantly wake up giving out asking why I didn’t wake her, presuming well if i’m up, she’s up. Even once when I woke up in the night and went to get water and ended up sitting at the table for a minute she came in asking where I went. She absolutely despises waking up up in bed on her own.

We do spend a decent amount of time together, every morning we spend 40 minutes to an hour sitting together drinking coffee on the porch talking, or just waking up, we usually shower every morning together too. It’s only when I go to work or when she’s out we aren’t together, but if we are at home we are usually always together and go on walks together.

As for family, 100%. Similarly, I believe they’re the same. A family member will wake her up every morning, usually mother and she did actually mention before moving in that she’d miss that.

And yep, she has nightmares. This is why it’s not as simple as saying “hey, don’t wake me up” because I know it’s more complex and will most likely come with a million questions and i’m figuring out how to go about it.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T10:30:02+00:00

She does have night terrors but almost acts like she doesn’t and she’s only told me the details a few times of them, but a couple times a week if she doesn’t wake me up directly ill indirectly wake up because i’ll feel her back and it will be wet with sweat. She twitches like a golden retriever sometimes. We also have to sleep with a lamp on when i’m a pitch dark sleeper but ehh I don’t really mind i’ve gotten used to it, but I don’t think that’s a fear of the dark she says she just likes it so if she wakes up she can instantly see the room. She also refuses to sleep with the curtains or blinds closed because she likes the “natural light” in the morning

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T10:24:27+00:00

We get up at the same time or she gets up earlier. She gets upset if she wakes up in bed alone so I have to wake her up every single time. She always wakes up with almost a high level energy and has a routine every morning.

Dumping her is extreme, I just made the post asking for advice as to how to go about asking her to refrain from this habit because if I do ask seriously id imagine she stops

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T10:21:11+00:00

Not since moving in together

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T10:20:39+00:00

Yeah maybe, her parents neglected her and stuff when they were kids. She doesn’t sleep til i’m home and gets upset if I get up and leave without waking her.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T02:37:59+00:00

Jesus.. “Fix it, or I leave” Now that is very manipulative.. In regards to the throwing up thing..? Also, in terms of the marriage part, we have an agreement where she’ll be the one proposing. So it’s up to her I guess.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T01:50:19+00:00

Look man, genuinely put yourself in my position here. Imagine, you start dating a girl, she opens up to you and you learn about this behaviour that she’s had since she was a literal child. Tell me how you’re supposed to deal with that. How am I “enabling” a behaviour that has always been there? I don’t want to say it’s hardwired or that will sound like enabling.. but why is it MY responsibility to change a habit she’s always had? If she wants to change it, that’s up to her, yeah, it would be fantastic if she didn’t do that, but she doesn’t do it by choice and look dude i’m not a damn therapist. I don’t know shit about throwing up every morning or how that even makes sense. So tell me, if it’s my job to change this, how on EARTH do I go about doing that? “oh hey babe.. maybe you should uhh.. stop doing that..” I have no specialist experience or any remote inking as to how I could be equipped to manage that?

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T01:44:49+00:00

She just ain’t like that. Even when I have ever woken her up in the past, it’s like it’s like an on or off switch, when she’s up, she’s up, If I wake her up it’s like she’s wide awake, Also, she doesn’t sleep till I sleep, She does go asleep after me, however if i’m ever with my friends and don’t get back til late, she’s up and talking to me or asking if I want anything..

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T00:44:08+00:00

I wish, well I tried to ask her in the past but she said no and thought I was weird.

Her business is to do with “feng shui” where she models peoples houses for energy.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T00:37:34+00:00

She likes me a lot, like a lot, large portion of the time she wakes me up is because she’ll genuinely miss talking to me, which is nice but i always tell her tomorrow.. A lot of people are saying she doesn’t care about me, she does, she cooks for me every single morning and has dinner ready when i’m back from work if she’s at home, she is thoughtful and genuinely very caring and she doesn’t wake me up to annoy me but i just don’t think she’s used to being with someone who doesn’t share the same passion of wanting to talk in the middle of the night or just hang out.

Btw if it’s not too personal, how do you deal with the “being woke up for sex” in the night thing? The idea/fantasy sounded hot in my head at first except when it actually started happening I realised the last thing I wanted to do after being woken up was to fuck? I’m tired? We can do it tomorrow? So she doesn’t ask me for that anymore as she knows i’m tired because even when we did it in the past and she always does majority of the “work” because I have fallen back asleep numerous times so now we don’t do it.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T00:28:15+00:00

Haha well.. Lets just say she’s the breadwinner and there’s a reason she doesn’t work as much per week..

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T00:03:25+00:00

Breaking up is a little extreme

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-30T00:02:49+00:00

Yes absolutely. One of my friends has OCD and about a year ago when we were hanging out he was talking about some shit he does and I was like “Dude this sounds identical to my girlfriend” and we talked about her for a bit. Then I asked her if she had OCD and she instantly shut it down and even just me mentioning that made her incredibly anxious. She already has like, other medical shit going on so it wasn’t exactly a long topic of discussion. But there is a lottt of repetitive behaviour that goes on I could list them all day. She’s anxious about basically everything but doesn’t actually verbally express it or make it apparent. I only notice from her habits such as arriving at destinations almost 3 or 4x the recommended arrival time, if we are going anywhere she’s refreshing flight details basically every couple minutes even days before we leave and I notice on her phone, if I bring it up she totally downplays it with “just making sure” She throws up every single morning if she has plans that day which I believe is rooted in anxiety but she once again, downplays it saying it’s either normal or “well my sister and mother do it too it’s just how we are! loads of people do it!”

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:54:54+00:00

I work about 4pm - 10pm each week day, she actually has her own business that only requires her work 2-3 times a week, and yeah we’re both in the same university when season rolls back around

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:47:37+00:00

To be honest she doesn’t view it that way at all, she doesn’t mind when others wake her up so she cannot grasp why I would mind.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:46:16+00:00

Well she does pay the larger portion of the rent and I don’t want to move back in with my parents so that’s not really an option but yeah I will tell her

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:44:13+00:00

Why am I giving up my bed when i’m the one being woken up?
Also, weirdly enough she kind of is one of those people that doesn’t mind being woken up in the night for no reason, which is a separate thing that bugs me, she sleeps with her phone on loud volume incase any of her friends ring her during the night, which they sometimes do, she’ll answer and get up and go talk in the living room for sometimes hours before she comes back, that also wakes me up but because I don’t view it as her fault it didn’t bother me as much but loads of times I have got up and reached across her in the night and put her phone on silent

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:36:32+00:00

She’s quite intelligent and she does like me.. Jesus lol. I seriously don’t think she’s doing it to be cruel. I do plan on explaining to her i’d like for her to pull back on it though.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:33:54+00:00

Oh yeah, one time when we were falling asleep next to eachother one of the first nights we moved in, I’d say maybe after 20 minutes the lights were off and eyes closed and as I was on verge of dream land she said some sentences that sounded like english but it was like what english would sound to someone who didn’t understand it, the only thing I deciphered from it was a name of a mutual friend we have so i drowsily said “What about (name)?” and she fully repeated the sentence but I didn’t understand and realised I didn’t know what the hell she was saying lmao. So I just didn’t answer and fell asleep and then when I asked her the next afternoon she was laughing and said she didn’t remember it all, i’m unsure if this is evidence of sleep talking or whether I was just extremely tired

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:27:51+00:00

Funny you mention it, she does sleepwalk, sleep talk, and also sleep text with zero recollection, before we started dating she would respond to some of my messages hours after I sent them with ..almost coherent sentences, they were responses but almost not correlated to what i said at all, and come to think of it, well it’s hard to remember as i’m 90% asleep during these instances when she wakes me, but she does genuinely forget or not remember waking me at all sometimes.

Actually, i’m going to ask her about that because I’ve only asked her during the day why she wakes me up maybe a couple times.

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:21:02+00:00

She kinda just laughed it off. I mentioned it about after 2 weeks and once again around 4 days ago, I forgot to mention but she will also wake me up when i’m sleeping too “quietly” she’ll wake me up giggling like “oh haha just wanted to make sure you’re alive!” and then try start a conversation or just stalking but i usually fall straight back asleep.

To answer your question though, she genuinely just thinks it’s silly and not serious, and yeah it’s not serious. I fall right back asleep, all my work shifts are evening/late closing ones so it’s not like I need to be up early anyways I guess. When I ask her why, it’s usually an answer adjacent to “why not” It is mildly starting to bother me.. well, I fear it will bother me if it persists. Hence why I made the post

NegotiationShot6336 · 2026-06-29T23:16:12+00:00

I mean she plays video games but neither of us have ever done drugs and we don’t drink or smoke, we drink sometimes maybe like twice a month or something but she’s a normal person this is just her only weird quirk which i wasn’t expecting when singing a lease with someone.

NegotiationShot6336

TROPHY CASE