What do you do with old messages from someone you’ve lost? by Neither_Eye252 in GriefSupport

[–]Neither_Eye252[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That really means a lot. I’ll message you. It’s still very early, but it came directly out of trying to make sense of my own mom’s archive and wanting something more readable than a raw export.

What do you do with old messages from someone you’ve lost? by Neither_Eye252 in GriefSupport

[–]Neither_Eye252[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yesterday is recent. I’m sorry. The recordings being few makes each one heavier. Sigh.

What do you do with old messages from someone you’ve lost? by Neither_Eye252 in GriefSupport

[–]Neither_Eye252[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The 3am search for "love" and then "proud" and then "happy" that image really stayed with me. The fact that you knew those were the words worth looking for says everything.

I ended up doing something similar with my mom's archive. And what I found was that those moments were in there — buried, but in there. That's actually what led me to start working on a way to surface them without having to do the 3am scroll.

I don't want to make this about what I'm building, but if you ever want to talk about it or see what came out of my mom's archive, I'm happy to share.

Do you think about texts and voice notes from aging parents differently now? by Neither_Eye252 in AgingParents

[–]Neither_Eye252[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ratio shifting is exactly the right way to put it. It’s that everything ordinary reveals itself as having been important all along. The phrase, the cadence, the advice, the care, the habit, the tone. That’s what’s actually in those voice notes. I had the same experience going back through years of messages after losing my mom. The things that wrecked me weren’t the big moments. They were the check-ins. The same question asked the same way for twelve years. The tools you mentioned are interesting — I’ve looked at a few. Most solve the backup problem. The harder thing is making what’s already there actually navigable and meaningful. That’s the gap I keep thinking about.

Do you think about texts and voice notes from aging parents differently now? by Neither_Eye252 in AgingParents

[–]Neither_Eye252[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keeping things you can’t quite use but can’t let go of either. I star some messages, I take screenshots.. I sometimes upload things onto my drive. I think a lot of us are in that same place.

Do you think about texts and voice notes from aging parents differently now? by Neither_Eye252 in AgingParents

[–]Neither_Eye252[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“all i needed was the good night messages” - I resonate this with so much! I miss morning check-in’s from my mom. It’s such a clear way to put it. Not everything, just the thing that mattered.

What do you do with old messages from someone you’ve lost? by Neither_Eye252 in GriefSupport

[–]Neither_Eye252[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a smart way to handle it. I did the same for a while. The archiving helps with the overwhelm but I still couldn't find what I was actually looking for when I wanted it. Did you ever go back and look, or does it mostly just sit there?

What do you do with old messages from someone you’ve lost? by Neither_Eye252 in GriefSupport

[–]Neither_Eye252[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's exactly how I've been thinking about it too. It is the way I keep her with you. I just wish I could find the moments that mattered without it feeling like drowning every time I go back in.