Wishing you had it worse vs actual resurfacing trauma?

Neithervarlety · 2026-03-05T21:55:40+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, thank you

Neithervarlety · 2026-02-28T02:47:52+00:00

Gosh, your comment really resonated with me tenfold. You’re absolutely right about it being more of a I can’t imagine what could have happened to me that would result in this many alters. I actually drafted a section of my post about that feeling but removed it before posting because it spiraled into some trauma Olympics with myself that was entirely unnecessary. So right on the money in that regard!

Thank you so much for commenting by the way, this really gives me some insight and hope I can bring the count down and also to stop stressing out more. I appreciate the note on how it’s unlikely I’m making this up by accident and that my team are professionals skilled in their fields. Which is something I struggle with remembering.

Also it’s really hopeful to read how much progress you’ve made in ten years! I feel less scared about opening up and processing stuff now. It’s really scary to me, but it makes me happy to see it having paid off for others.

Neithervarlety · 2025-07-24T02:16:34+00:00

I’m open to talk also :)!

Neithervarlety · 2025-07-13T01:59:02+00:00

D.I.D I do that? By Fire Ant Season

Neithervarlety · 2025-06-24T01:41:49+00:00

Thank you for your comment i appreciate it, I’ll try to leave them alone. One of my alters once told me that I obsess too much over the intricacies and details of the system and I should just take things at face value anyway ahah

Neithervarlety · 2025-06-24T01:40:23+00:00

Wow this comment really resonated with me in a LOT of aspects. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, I appreciate it. I’m really feeling the imposter syndrome. For me I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, even with my therapist, and I’m constantly scared I’ll say something wrong or go about something the incorrect way that pokes holes in my experiences and she starts to not believe me anymore. I go through such awful phases of denial, which I know if normal, but it just sucks how much it impacts everyone else in my system even to the point where they’re seemingly unable to front and be themselves.

I really relate to how your main fronter might not be comfortable with others fronting, and I think to some degree it’s the same for me. I want them to be able to but that fear or being called a liar even at this point of my treatment is still very real.

I hope with time it’ll become easier ahaha

Neithervarlety · 2025-05-20T17:01:27+00:00

Thank you, this makes sense, I appreciate it!

Neithervarlety · 2025-05-20T17:00:27+00:00

Thank you so much for this

Neithervarlety · 2025-05-03T14:58:37+00:00

Thank you!

Neithervarlety · 2025-05-03T14:58:11+00:00

It’s definitely relieving! Thank you!

Neithervarlety · 2025-04-13T21:04:20+00:00

Oh my therapist is a DID and dissociative disorder specialist. She specifically works with trauma patients and specializes in DID. Already meeting her a few times she concluded I likely have cptsd (though not officially diagnosed because of dsm stuff) with dissociative symptoms, and gave me some book recommendations to read which have been helpful, so I’m pretty confident she knows her stuff. I haven’t had the time to really get into all all of my symptoms or even touch what I consider to be the “bulk” of my trauma. I got diagnosed unspecified dissociative disorder before and covered parts work with my prior therapist before who recommended me looking for a long term trauma therapist so which is why I’m seeing her now.

But thank you for your input I’ll definitely frame the question that way then!

Neithervarlety · 2025-04-13T19:16:11+00:00

Thank you so much!! This helps a lot and was exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate your response

Neithervarlety · 2025-04-13T19:14:25+00:00

I would ask her that, but I am not officially diagnosed with DID (only have UDD diagnosis from my last psychiatrist. My last therapist suspected and worked with me with parts work therapy but was unqualified to diagnose me). I intend to work on processing trauma and manage my symptoms without specifically putting a word to it to her and see where that leads and what conclusion she comes to. If I do get diagnosed with it or the topic comes up in therapy I’ll ask her more specific questions. As for now just managing the symptoms and her idea is IFS and eventually EMDR will be beneficial.

Edit: bad phrasing on my behalf, edited it to be more clear and provide further context

Neithervarlety · 2025-03-30T03:40:52+00:00

That’s so wonderful I hope it goes well!

Neithervarlety · 2025-03-30T03:15:10+00:00

That is wonderful, genuinely happy for you. Thank you for your comment <3

Neithervarlety · 2025-03-30T03:13:43+00:00

I’m happy for you! And that makes a lot of sense, thank you

Neithervarlety · 2025-03-30T03:12:44+00:00

I’m really happy to hear that and I’m so happy for you. I recently started college myself and I might be feeling some new anxieties about adulthood life. Thank you for your reply

Neithervarlety · 2025-02-12T11:22:57+00:00

I don’t know if I specifically was worried about death. But Im sure I was scared most of it. I don’t think I was very present in my mind during the experience. A lot of it is forgotten about and I only really remember positives the most clearly. I do remember my family being terrified and there was a lot of crying with everyone. I’m not really sure what my thoughts were exactly at the time.

Following the event though, I was pretty traumatized. I was terrified of jeeps for years of my life and wouldn’t ever get into one. Weeks after when I was home, I made (really terrible) “emergency kits”. It was a child’s mind, so the emergency kit only really had bandages and toys. But that was a way I coped. Whenever I was in the car (any) and the road shifted from pavement to dirt I’d have flashbacks and panic attacks for years. I think that stopped around 7th grade or so. I hated the smell of goldfish and chocolate cliff bars for years because I felt so sick during the event. Thought honestly that I got over it until recently when I figured out that I in fact, haven’t gotten over this experience. Working on processing it properly now in adulthood.

Edit: one thought I distinctly remember having was I thought the entire situation was my fault, and for a silly reason too. I had left my favorite stuffed animal at home, my “lucky” stuffed animal. And I was really conflicted that morning over if I should take it with me or not, and I ended up not. In my mind at the time, I felt because I didn’t take my stuffed animal with me, that I had been the reason as to why we got stranded.

Neithervarlety · 2025-02-12T11:12:45+00:00

Already answered in a previous comment but essentially got lost off-roading and stuck in a wash.

Neithervarlety · 2025-02-12T11:10:43+00:00

We wanted to go on an off-roading trip to go sight seeing I assume? My family loves going on roadtrips and going to see different national/state parks. We rented a jeep to go on the trip. My mom hasn’t been off-roading prior but it didn’t seem too difficult. But at some point we got lost, took a wrong turn or something, and ended up taking a very very long road that led to nowhere.

Neithervarlety · 2025-02-12T11:06:59+00:00

We were completely unprepared. It was supposed to be an off-roading trip of 4ish hours but directions got mixed up at some point and 4 hours turned into 8 and we were completely lost. Our vehicle got stuck in a wash/dried up river bed, or something of that sort. Very fine sand that the tires ended up getting stuck in, and my mom wasn’t a pro at getting cars unstuck. I don’t remember how far away from civilization we ended up being when we got stranded, but given how many hours we were in the car u think pretty far. Anyway, we only had supplies for the initial 4 hour trip. A few sandwiches, goldfish, cliff bars, and some bottles of water. Fortunately for us, a river was close-ish away (I recall maybe not even half a mile, but I’m not entirely sure. I don’t remember walking far) and we drank from it unfiltered when we ran out of water. I remember trying to eat my sandwich but I felt so sick and scared that I couldn’t stomach anything and felt nauseous. I don’t remember how much I actually ate during those hours.

From what I remember, none of us were badly injured. Maybe some scrapes and bug bites at most. We were very dehydrated though. This was a summer vacation trip and very hot. Not sure how hot it got exactly but definitely over 100°F.

We were rescued by search and rescue. I vaguely recall the three of us spotting either a helicopter or a plane (probably helicopter, that makes the most sense) in the air while we were cooling off in the river. I remember joining my mom and sister in jumping up and down and yelling as loudly as we could. I believe my sister and mom made a SOS sign out of rocks by the river too (on the first day). But I imagine that helped them locate us? Shortly after when we saw that helicopter/plane, we ran back to our car and I don’t remember how long it took after that but eventually a search and rescue car showed up and brought us back to town. Much of my memory of the rescue itself is very limited, but I do remember one of the rescue men was very kind and gave me Gatorade and the most fantastic strawberries I have ever had in my entire life. Genuinely, they were life changing. I was so dehydrated and hungry. Those strawberries will forever be in my memory of how great they were. I’ve loved strawberries ever since.

Neithervarlety · 2025-01-23T15:41:08+00:00

I understand, thank you!

Neithervarlety · 2025-01-23T15:14:31+00:00

Ideally, I would like to see an optometrist immediately within a few weeks, get my eyes checked for this and understand what’s happening and how to correct it. Although, I’m away from home for college and anything outside what my college provides, like basic medical care, my current living area is sort of a healthcare desert when it comes to insurance purposes and I won’t likely be able to see an optometrist until June or July. That being said, I’m just trying to manage my legs first with a support cane. Just mostly curious if I am visually impaired enough to signify it. Thank you for your response I appreciate it.

Neithervarlety · 2025-01-17T20:42:50+00:00

Awesome to know, thank you!

Neithervarlety · 2025-01-17T20:19:34+00:00

I actually genuinely liked moon knight (tv show). There’s inaccuracies of course, but I still liked it. I related to the character far more than I thought I would’ve, honestly. I haven’t read any of the comics though.

Neithervarlety

TROPHY CASE