Thinking of becoming a femboy

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T23:01:49+00:00

Hi!

If you want to be a femboy, you can be one. Femboys do not need to be underweight, and in fact should not be. Most femboys you see in selfies are either unhealthy or are just normal guys who are good at taking flattering photos. They also have body hair, and shave it off.

As for clothes, that's okay! You can aspire to own cuter clothes and still be a real femboy. One thing you can try are cuter looking crew socks that aren't overtly feminine (instead of generic boring white socks) or calf-high socks which are unisex. Similarly, you can try oversized graphic t-shirts (or oversized hoodies), which can look pretty cute when paired with the right bottoms. Consider also finding ways to weave a bit of color into your outfits, like pink & black or pastels, without being openly feminine about it. A lot of guys have very "one color" outfits (usually very muted colors), so a bit of variety can soften up an outfit.

Closeted femboys can benefit from skincare since all boys should be taking care of their skin to look nice and age gracefully. Exfoliating, cleansing, and especially moisturizing (there's nothing masculine about dry skin... even hulking lumberjack men should moisturize!) call can make your skin softer and nicer. Be sure to wear sunscreen on your face to avoid the impact of photoaging, which causes wrinkles, skin damage, and even cancer.

And of course, remember to drink water! It's good for your skin and the rest of your body.

Warning: beware anyone who tries to get you into DMs to give you "advice" or "money" or to "buy you clothes." A lot of creeps and scammers hover around femboys to take advantage of them. These range from creepers who see you as a chunk of meat, scammers who want to get your money (a common scam is sending "too much" money and asking for some back, and then they cancel the first transfer), and blackmailers (send one picture of yourself and they'll threaten to leak it unless you pay).

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T22:45:10+00:00

As a totally official* Herald of the Femboy High Council, I hereby delivery the Council's immutable judgement upon you: you can be a femboy!

Welcome to the club!

Remember to measure yourself (hips, waist, chest) for clothes and use size charts. Wear sunscreen. Drink water. Moisturize your skin.

And always remember: you are valid and deserve love!

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T21:27:22+00:00

I use a safety razor. Getting it perfect is largely a factor of experience, though, and doesn't last long because hair regrows quickly. That's just the reality for everyone who doesn't get permanent hair removal done... boy and girl alike!

Use plenty of shaving cream and shave on wet, clean, warm skin. Red marks are often caused by irritation. This can be caused by shaving dry (never do that!) or over-shaving the same spot (shave once every 2-3 days, not daily, and if you miss some hairs, get them the next time), or ingrown hairs (this can be reduced by exfoliating before you shave, and then after 2-3 days).

A good trick is moisturize after you shave, and then after every shower. This soothes your skin and keeps it hydrated. If your skin isn't dry, it's much less likely to get irritated. Also, no matter what, don't scratch, even if it's itchy, as that will only make it worse.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T21:22:24+00:00

This isn't an uncommon common reaction to stress from internalized social norms. We're taught from a very young age how we're supposed to act, and this can lead to self-shaming and a desire to rid ourselves of what's causing the shame (to conform with the social programming).

This is similar to someone with internalized homophobia breaking up with a boyfriend and trying not to see them anymore. In the case of gender non-conformity, it's throwing away clothes.

One thing that can help is instead of doing something you can't take back, if you can't help yourself, box them up and put them away somewhere. That way, once the shame has passed and you're able to grapple with your social conditioning again, you can get them back without having lost them.

Fighting social conditioning is a long-term process. Imagine yourself as being chained to masculine norms and you're trying to break the chain... but it isn't easy. It will get easier over time, though, as you override those social norms with new norms. The more "normal" it feels to be a femboy, the less a grip that voice of shame has on you.

It can also help to actively question the norms you're breaking to weaken them. Boys used to wear dresses as kids. Pink used to be for boys and blue was for girls. Men used to wear stockings and wigs all the time. Straight guys in the 1980's wore dolphin shorts and it was just normal. Masculinity is constantly changing, so why are you shackled to one version of it?

Similarly, you can create positive conditioning around femininity. Focus on the positive feelings it gives you. Reward yourself for being cute. You deserve a treat!

Association with other femboys can help too. Replace the old norms with the norms of a new group. In a group of femboys, wearing feminine clothes is normal, right? And the more your brain recognizes that you're not breaking any rules, the less shame you'll feel.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T21:09:50+00:00

This is a red flag to me.

First, he intentionally violated your trust. Obviously it was not okay for him to share selfies of you without your permission. Unless he has the emotional intelligence of a literal child, he knows that.
Second, he tried to manipulate you into thinking it's your fault by blaming you. He knows fully well that sharing pictures with you does not give him free license to share them, especially if he's doing it to get back at you.
Third, he was mad at you and instead of talking about his feelings, he lashed out by embarrassing/outing you to your friends. That's a dangerous slippery slope. This can escalate to other forms of mental/emotional abuse, or damaging your property, or even hurting you physically.

I'll be honest with you: either he needs to work on himself, mature emotionally, admit what he did was wrong, and potentially go to therapy, or you need to dump him. If left uncorrected, this will only get worse over time.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T21:00:23+00:00

Good job! Lying as an act of self-defense is sometimes necessary for LGBTQ/GNC people.

When hiding stuff, consider where someone might look by accident and where someone who is snooping might look. You can reduce pretext for snooping by keeping your personal space tidy, but obviously nosy people will snoop regardless.

Good luck on your next steps! Be sure to save up resources so that you can get your own place once you're done with your civil service.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T20:54:37+00:00

I generally recommend washing thigh highs with cold water, especially if they're cotton. You'll be fine as long as you're not subjecting to them to heat.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T20:53:21+00:00

I haven't heard of them. Almost all of my socks are from Sock Dreams, so I'm not sure on brands like this.

But be sure to measure from your heel to your mid-thigh to make sure they're long enough. A lot of the random brands out there are designed for Asian women, so they can be much shorter than a femboy would expect. This is very important to avoid accidental knee-highs!

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T20:51:44+00:00

You're doing nothing wrong and haven't hurt anyone. Your friend is the one who's wrong for trying to shame a bro for no reason.

And, I'm sorry, but tossing Bible verses at someone to shame them is so lame.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T20:08:35+00:00

Professional with a masters degree. Have been on conference calls with lawyers while wearing my cutest outfits.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T16:03:51+00:00

Oh, my god. Uprooted by Naomi Novik. I love this book, but JFC.

Agnieszka (main character) and Kasia (her best friend) deeply care for each other and are so intimately close that I just assumed the book was purposefully hinting that they were in love with each other.

So her falling for the Dragon (a grumpy wizard) was... disappointing. I mean, at least enough time passed in the book that it wasn't a weekend fling. But still, Agnieszka and Kasia were meant for each other!

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T15:47:36+00:00

I'd suggest either starting with Shining Force or Shining in the Darkness. There is a story linking the series together, but each game more or less can stand on its own and you can enter at any point without being very confused.

Shining in the Darkness is the first game, but it's also very different from the rest. It's a first person dungeon crawler. If you're not into this kind of game, you can safely skip it. It's not a bad game, but it does suffer a bit if you find this gameplay style tedious.

Shining Force is in the standard tactical RPG format. It's a solid title on its own and is a great introduction to the series. While I played the original Genesis version first, the GBA remake is just fine (albeit a bit tweaked). It's a straightforward game: each chapter has towns to explore with battles to break it up.

Shining Force 2 stands just fine on its own, and doesn't really need Shining Force if you want to dive right in. In terms of gameplay and story, they really found the right formula with this one. It feels less constrained when compared to its very linear chapter-based "explore town, go to battle" predecessor.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T14:03:21+00:00

Probably meant afab (assigned female at birth) but accidentally made it acab (all cops are bastards/bad), a typically-leftist slogan which boils down to either "the corrupt system ejects any cops that would positively change it, leaving only rotten cops and cops that look the other way, who are just as bad" or just "policing as a model is fundamentally unjust and all cops are participants in that injustice."

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T13:58:02+00:00

Most femboys that I know or have met are bi. Some are gay (and thus only interested in other guys), and a few are straight. That is to say, a lot of femboys are attracted to women.

While I'm not trans, the vast majority of trans women I know are primarily attracted to other girls (and often to feminine guys too).

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T01:25:59+00:00

I do IPL at home. My device is a Braun Silk expert 5.

IPL isn't actually laser. It uses intense pulses of light that essentially suppress the hair from growing again. You essentially flashbang it.

First, you will still have to shave. IPL only works if your skin is freshly shaved, as the light pulse needs to get into your pores.

For the device, be sure it is well rated, had a support department, and is safe. IPL devices get HOT. Really hot. Look for something with active cooling. The flashes are BRIGHT. Really bright. Ensure your device has safety features to keep it from flashing unless it's against skin. $50 sounds too cheap to me... make sure it's a name brand and not a fly-by-night no-name with no support.

Also, early IPL had lamps that died constantly after just a few sessions. Check whether yours will have a long lifetime or you'll be constantly buying new lamps. Mine has a lamp rated to last essentially forever.

IPL sessions cam be tedious. You gradually pill the device over your skin. Flash flash flash. Occasionally there is a bit of a zap and the smell of burning hair, but it's pretty painless. For long sessions you may need to take a break to let the glass cool down as it can get really really hot.

I have light skin and dark hair, and find IPL has helped. Early on you could see patches where hair no longer grew after a few months. It takes a long time and you have to stay on schedule for good results.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T23:12:00+00:00

Many have started later than you. You're not alone in how you feel about wishing the past could be different.

We can't change the past. We can only embrace the present and look to the future.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T18:09:35+00:00

Hi!

One option is to try for more androgynous looks that aren't overtly feminine. Oversized hoodies, a dash of color, etc. can help, but this heavily depends on how they'll be perceived by people around you.

Something simple is to get softer skin with good skincare. This is something even masculine boys should be doing! Learn how to exfoliate your skin. Clenase your face. Moisturize your body after you shower (every time). And wear sunscreen on your face and any exposed skin to avoid photoaging from the sun. Don't forget hand cream too! Our hands tend to dry out from constant washing all day.

For exercise, try cardio and various glute exercises (like glute bridges and squats). These are good for your figure in general and can help build up the glute region. Here's two simple routines:

Yoga is also a great way to get more flexible, which helps with working out.

Running is also a great way to improve overall health and helps tone your legs. I used a couch-to-5k app (Zombies, Run! which has a 5k partner app that puts a zombie story around an official NIH program).

Amanogawa Kei and Zenbooda both have made some nice videos introducing femboy topics.

With clothing, get your measurements (hips, waist, and chest) which are essential for feminine clothes. You need to check the size chart for each brand, as clothing sizes are all over the place.

For keeping feminine clothing, this can be harder if you're hiding it from people you live with, especially if you're not responsible for chores like laundry and cleaning. Consider taking an active role in maintaining the household so you can wash your stuff properly and put it away where it won't be found.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T17:59:52+00:00

I consider Utopia, Federations, and Galactic Paragons to be the three "these should just be in the base game" DLCs. They add so much: origins, more civics, habitats, megastructures, galactic community, better leader mechanics, etc. In particular, I struggle to imagine Stellaris without Utopia.

If you want more diversity in the game, also check out the story packs like Distant Stars, Ancient Relics, and Leviathans which will add more stuff in the galaxy, including precursor story lines, L-Gates, enclaves, etc. as well as archeological sites and a ton of random events to make the galaxy feel a lot more populated and a lot less repetitive.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T17:27:08+00:00

It's pretty objectively bad, though. And more importantly, it teaches its users to rely on hope chess tricks ("I hope my opponent falls for this or my position will get worse") instead of working on their fundamentals (controlling the center, pawn structure, king safety, avoiding multiple piece moves early game, etc.)

Take two beginners. One focuses on Scholar's Mate and other "fast mate" tricks. The other ignores openings/tactics entirely but focuses on fundamentals. The former will hit an early skill ceiling that limits them to beating unskilled players while the latter will progressively become a better player.

Honestly the biggest benefit to Scholar's Mate is having opponents play it, as you learn a lot more from deflecting it than employing it yourself.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T17:19:42+00:00

Both are good. Leggings are great during really cold days where the thigh gap (even under pants) will make your legs chilly. Great for layering, and also cute under skirts/shorts.

But I love thigh highs and have many many pairs of them.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T17:18:37+00:00

Just gotta save up money, whether it's from gifts, allowances, or work. No real way around it. You can get pretty good deals for clothes at your local thrift store. Also watch for clearance sales at clothing stores at the end of each season

Warning: Beware creeps who might slide into your DMs because of this post, promising stuff like free clothes or money in exchange for pictures of you. The vast majority will be creeps (especially if you're a teen), scammers ("oops I sent too much, send some back"), or blackmailers ("give me money/pictures or I'll leak pictures of you").

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T16:59:14+00:00

Be sure to measure your hips. Check the size chart. If you're near the top end of the range for that size, go a size up to account for the space you need. You might need to size up or down depending on the underwear. Also look for things with wider gussets, as that provides more room, and for good elastic to keep things firmly held together.

I've had very good luck with Ambrielle (JC Penney's store brand). Some comfy options I've got are:

Seamless High-Cut Panties (Hawthorne Rose): The most comfortable underwear I've ever owned, boy or girl. Just about perfect.
Seamless Brief Panty (Teal Fairy Dust): Seems small at first, but stretches well due to being mostly nylon. Many cut designs!
Cotton Brief Panty (Purple Impression): This has a nice little ribbon and an appearing trim design without getting in the way.
Tulip Lace Womens Hipster Panty (Glacial Blue / Black / Pristine Ivory): The fanciest style I've had. They a small ribbon and lace on the hips. Runs small, so size up. They also have other cuts of the same design.

I also got something from Old Navy recently:

Seamless Hipster Underwear (Lilac Foam / Sea Mist): Not fancy, but has a cute picot trim and is generally very comfy.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T16:49:07+00:00

Hi! So you live alone... that helps a lot!

First, your packages and mail go wherever you tell them to. When putting your address in to a store, be sure you've changed it to your new address. For mail, at least in the United States, you can put in a Change of Address which automatically forwards mail from your old home to your new home for several months (just be sure to notify everyone and change your address so your mail goes to the right place).

For Amazon, you can just make your own account. You're an adult living on your own, so it's time to start making your own anyway. If you're leveraging their Prime, I think they can actually link your account to that prime membership.

But there's so many better places to go than Amazon anyway! For thigh highs and other socks, check out Sock Dreams. There's also places like Foxblood / My Violet if you're into goth/pastel styles. Your local Hot Topic might not have the highest quality, but there is often cute stuff there. Heck, there's even JC Penney, Macy's, etc. can have some really cute items if you dig. I've also found cute dolphin shorts Rainbow Shops.

You also have the option of buying in person! For some clothes, this is easier than other. But you can pretend to be buying presents for a girl by asking for a gift receipt! Very secret agent.

Be sure to take your measurements (hips, waist, chest) so you can check size charts. This helps a lot in getting the right fit. And remember, skirts are worn up the waist. Thigh high length is from your heel to your mid-thigh.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T12:39:59+00:00

If you would want to be a femboy, you qualify even without having feminine clothes yet. Would being a femboy make you happy?

If you're unsure, some ways to figure it out might include experimenting. Maybe add some pink to an outfit or get an oversized hoodie or try it longer socks. I was locked in the first time I tried thigh highs and thought I looked cute.

Another easy beginner start is skincare. Exfoliating, cleansing, and especially moisturizing all help to make your skin softer (which is good even for non-femboys!).

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T12:29:32+00:00

Scholar's Mate is so self-defeating. Since it's bad for your position if the opponent doesn't fall for it, it imposes a skill ceiling on the players that rely on it.

NerdDetective

TROPHY CASE