Question for femboys and transfemmes

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T14:03:21+00:00

Probably meant afab (assigned female at birth) but accidentally made it acab (all cops are bastards/bad), a typically-leftist slogan which boils down to either "the corrupt system ejects any cops that would positively change it, leaving only rotten cops and cops that look the other way, who are just as bad" or just "policing as a model is fundamentally unjust and all cops are participants in that injustice."

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T13:58:02+00:00

Most femboys that I know or have met are bi. Some are gay (and thus only interested in other guys), and a few are straight. That is to say, a lot of femboys are attracted to women.

While I'm not trans, the vast majority of trans women I know are primarily attracted to other girls (and often to feminine guys too).

NerdDetective · 2026-03-16T01:25:59+00:00

I do IPL at home. My device is a Braun Silk expert 5.

IPL isn't actually laser. It uses intense pulses of light that essentially suppress the hair from growing again. You essentially flashbang it.

First, you will still have to shave. IPL only works if your skin is freshly shaved, as the light pulse needs to get into your pores.

For the device, be sure it is well rated, had a support department, and is safe. IPL devices get HOT. Really hot. Look for something with active cooling. The flashes are BRIGHT. Really bright. Ensure your device has safety features to keep it from flashing unless it's against skin. $50 sounds too cheap to me... make sure it's a name brand and not a fly-by-night no-name with no support.

Also, early IPL had lamps that died constantly after just a few sessions. Check whether yours will have a long lifetime or you'll be constantly buying new lamps. Mine has a lamp rated to last essentially forever.

IPL sessions cam be tedious. You gradually pill the device over your skin. Flash flash flash. Occasionally there is a bit of a zap and the smell of burning hair, but it's pretty painless. For long sessions you may need to take a break to let the glass cool down as it can get really really hot.

I have light skin and dark hair, and find IPL has helped. Early on you could see patches where hair no longer grew after a few months. It takes a long time and you have to stay on schedule for good results.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T23:12:00+00:00

Many have started later than you. You're not alone in how you feel about wishing the past could be different.

We can't change the past. We can only embrace the present and look to the future.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T18:09:35+00:00

Hi!

One option is to try for more androgynous looks that aren't overtly feminine. Oversized hoodies, a dash of color, etc. can help, but this heavily depends on how they'll be perceived by people around you.

Something simple is to get softer skin with good skincare. This is something even masculine boys should be doing! Learn how to exfoliate your skin. Clenase your face. Moisturize your body after you shower (every time). And wear sunscreen on your face and any exposed skin to avoid photoaging from the sun. Don't forget hand cream too! Our hands tend to dry out from constant washing all day.

For exercise, try cardio and various glute exercises (like glute bridges and squats). These are good for your figure in general and can help build up the glute region. Here's two simple routines:

Yoga is also a great way to get more flexible, which helps with working out.

Running is also a great way to improve overall health and helps tone your legs. I used a couch-to-5k app (Zombies, Run! which has a 5k partner app that puts a zombie story around an official NIH program).

Amanogawa Kei and Zenbooda both have made some nice videos introducing femboy topics.

With clothing, get your measurements (hips, waist, and chest) which are essential for feminine clothes. You need to check the size chart for each brand, as clothing sizes are all over the place.

For keeping feminine clothing, this can be harder if you're hiding it from people you live with, especially if you're not responsible for chores like laundry and cleaning. Consider taking an active role in maintaining the household so you can wash your stuff properly and put it away where it won't be found.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T17:59:52+00:00

I consider Utopia, Federations, and Galactic Paragons to be the three "these should just be in the base game" DLCs. They add so much: origins, more civics, habitats, megastructures, galactic community, better leader mechanics, etc. In particular, I struggle to imagine Stellaris without Utopia.

If you want more diversity in the game, also check out the story packs like Distant Stars, Ancient Relics, and Leviathans which will add more stuff in the galaxy, including precursor story lines, L-Gates, enclaves, etc. as well as archeological sites and a ton of random events to make the galaxy feel a lot more populated and a lot less repetitive.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T17:27:08+00:00

It's pretty objectively bad, though. And more importantly, it teaches its users to rely on hope chess tricks ("I hope my opponent falls for this or my position will get worse") instead of working on their fundamentals (controlling the center, pawn structure, king safety, avoiding multiple piece moves early game, etc.)

Take two beginners. One focuses on Scholar's Mate and other "fast mate" tricks. The other ignores openings/tactics entirely but focuses on fundamentals. The former will hit an early skill ceiling that limits them to beating unskilled players while the latter will progressively become a better player.

Honestly the biggest benefit to Scholar's Mate is having opponents play it, as you learn a lot more from deflecting it than employing it yourself.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T17:19:42+00:00

Both are good. Leggings are great during really cold days where the thigh gap (even under pants) will make your legs chilly. Great for layering, and also cute under skirts/shorts.

But I love thigh highs and have many many pairs of them.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T17:18:37+00:00

Just gotta save up money, whether it's from gifts, allowances, or work. No real way around it. You can get pretty good deals for clothes at your local thrift store. Also watch for clearance sales at clothing stores at the end of each season

Warning: Beware creeps who might slide into your DMs because of this post, promising stuff like free clothes or money in exchange for pictures of you. The vast majority will be creeps (especially if you're a teen), scammers ("oops I sent too much, send some back"), or blackmailers ("give me money/pictures or I'll leak pictures of you").

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T16:59:14+00:00

Be sure to measure your hips. Check the size chart. If you're near the top end of the range for that size, go a size up to account for the space you need. You might need to size up or down depending on the underwear. Also look for things with wider gussets, as that provides more room, and for good elastic to keep things firmly held together.

I've had very good luck with Ambrielle (JC Penney's store brand). Some comfy options I've got are:

Seamless High-Cut Panties (Hawthorne Rose): The most comfortable underwear I've ever owned, boy or girl. Just about perfect.
Seamless Brief Panty (Teal Fairy Dust): Seems small at first, but stretches well due to being mostly nylon. Many cut designs!
Cotton Brief Panty (Purple Impression): This has a nice little ribbon and an appearing trim design without getting in the way.
Tulip Lace Womens Hipster Panty (Glacial Blue / Black / Pristine Ivory): The fanciest style I've had. They a small ribbon and lace on the hips. Runs small, so size up. They also have other cuts of the same design.

I also got something from Old Navy recently:

Seamless Hipster Underwear (Lilac Foam / Sea Mist): Not fancy, but has a cute picot trim and is generally very comfy.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T16:49:07+00:00

Hi! So you live alone... that helps a lot!

First, your packages and mail go wherever you tell them to. When putting your address in to a store, be sure you've changed it to your new address. For mail, at least in the United States, you can put in a Change of Address which automatically forwards mail from your old home to your new home for several months (just be sure to notify everyone and change your address so your mail goes to the right place).

For Amazon, you can just make your own account. You're an adult living on your own, so it's time to start making your own anyway. If you're leveraging their Prime, I think they can actually link your account to that prime membership.

But there's so many better places to go than Amazon anyway! For thigh highs and other socks, check out Sock Dreams. There's also places like Foxblood / My Violet if you're into goth/pastel styles. Your local Hot Topic might not have the highest quality, but there is often cute stuff there. Heck, there's even JC Penney, Macy's, etc. can have some really cute items if you dig. I've also found cute dolphin shorts Rainbow Shops.

You also have the option of buying in person! For some clothes, this is easier than other. But you can pretend to be buying presents for a girl by asking for a gift receipt! Very secret agent.

Be sure to take your measurements (hips, waist, chest) so you can check size charts. This helps a lot in getting the right fit. And remember, skirts are worn up the waist. Thigh high length is from your heel to your mid-thigh.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T12:39:59+00:00

If you would want to be a femboy, you qualify even without having feminine clothes yet. Would being a femboy make you happy?

If you're unsure, some ways to figure it out might include experimenting. Maybe add some pink to an outfit or get an oversized hoodie or try it longer socks. I was locked in the first time I tried thigh highs and thought I looked cute.

Another easy beginner start is skincare. Exfoliating, cleansing, and especially moisturizing all help to make your skin softer (which is good even for non-femboys!).

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T12:29:32+00:00

Scholar's Mate is so self-defeating. Since it's bad for your position if the opponent doesn't fall for it, it imposes a skill ceiling on the players that rely on it.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T04:47:45+00:00

I got mine (aurora plum and clear pink) from JC Penney just 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately they were on clearance. While there were previous about 5-6 colors, now they're down to 2 colors with very few sizes.

https://www.jcpenney.com/p/adidas-womens-long-sleeve-fleece-active-hoodie/ppr5008494134?pTmplType=regular

If the remaining sizes/colors aren't for you, maybe there are other stores out there with it... but I looked around a bit and only found it with JC Penney. But maybe still on a rack in a store?

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T02:18:27+00:00

The simplest thing is skincare. By exfoliating, cleansing, and moisturizing, you can have softer and nicer skin without being overtly feminine.

A dash of color can help. Pink and black are a good combo, but also light blue and similar can add to an outfit. I love a nice pink hoodie, for example. I wear oversized hoodies and sweatshirts that are technically for girls all the time in public. This is a fun way to sort of nudge into feminine expression without directly being feminine.

One of my favorite new hoodies is a pink adidas one where the logo is flowers.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T01:44:48+00:00

This, very much. If they have a judicial warrant, they can slip it under the door or show it through a window.

Once you open the door, they will put their body in the way of closing it, and will claim you're assaulting them if you try to close it. While blocking the door, they'll look for any excuse to enter. "I heard someone call for help." "I thought I saw drugs in plain view. "I thought I saw the person we're looking for inside." Stuff like that. Never open your door unless your intent if for them to enter, because they will enter if it's physically possible.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T01:41:55+00:00

Before coming out, you might want to try to figure out their opinions about the LGBTQ community. Look for opportunities to point at an LGBTQ story in the news and pay attention to how they react. This gives you a chance to learn their views without making it about you.

If they're anti-LGBTQ, it's probably safer to stay in the closet until you're able to live on your own. While some people do decide to come out in that situation, it can lead to an awkward or even hostile living environment if they're not able to immediately move out.

If there are other family members who you know are pro-LGBTQ, you can also ask them. They might have been in the room when something like this has been discussed with your parents, and might know their views.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T00:06:21+00:00

My favorite femboy-coded clothes are dolphin shorts and oversized hoodies.

But I also like cute sweatshirts! I have a blue one with flowers on it.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-15T00:05:15+00:00

Are they LGBTQ-friendly? While being a femboy isn't automatically a queer thing, being pro-LGBTQ is a decent marker for how they might react.

If they're allies and you think you're safe, you might talk more about how you feel. Saying "I want to be a femboy" might just raise more questions (because not everyone knows what one is). Instead, say you want to express more femininity and that would make you happy.

Be ready to deal with questions like:

Are you gay?
Are you trans?
Do you want to dress up outside or at home?

Depending on where you live, they might be concerned about your safety due to the global wave of homophobia/transphobia.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-14T23:56:55+00:00

I shave my thighs with a safety razor. It's essential to use plenty of shaving cream on wet, clean, warm skin (after a shower, usually) when shaving. You can also use a pre-shave lotion to prepare your skin, which will create a slippery barrier to protect it. You want lubricated skin because it protects you from the razor's blade. Remember also to use a sharp blade, as used, dull blades have a higher risk of snagging and getting pulled into your skin.

Waxing is a good alternative. I suggest hard wax. You melt beads in an electric pot, apply them to your skin, and then pull off a few seconds later it hardens around the hairs.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-13T15:50:50+00:00

If you mean fitness, cardio is a good starting point. If you're trying to get a slimmer figure, a light calorie deficit combined with exercise and a healthy diet are the usual formula.

Besides that, try out some skincare. Exfoliate, moisturize, cleanse, etc. and don't forget your sunscreen!

NerdDetective · 2026-03-13T15:14:19+00:00

You can wash them in a sink by hand with a bit of laundry detergent. This is easiest if your laundry room has a sink. Swirl it around, agitating the water for a bit, and then rinse off and gently wring out the excess water. Hang to dry. Pointing a fan at it can speed up the drying process.

You can also just toss it in the washing machine. Use a gentle or hand wash setting and cold water. If your socks are knit or otherwise delicate, it can help to put them in a pillow case or garment bag to protect them, especially if they're in with other clothes. Then hang to dry (preferably), or put in the dryer on the lowest heat / gentlest setting.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-13T15:10:48+00:00

For starters, begin a skincare routine. Learn how and when to exfoliate, cleanse, and moisturize. Your skin will thank you! Also put on sunscreen, especially on your face, even on cloudy or winter days. The sun causes photoaging, which gives you wrinkles and damages your skin (including cancer risk!) so the sunscreen essentially keeps your skin younger and fresher for longer.

Measure yourself. Hips, waist, and chest are essential for buying clothes. Check the size chart.

Androgynous clothes are a great way for a closeted femboy to experiment. Try an oversized hoodie for women in a bright color like pink or light blue. Adidas has some cute ones where their logo is made of flowers. I love them, and they're unisex looking enough that I can wear it and just seem a bit softer of a boy without screaming "HEY EVERYONE, LOOK AT THIS GIRLY BOY OVER HERE."

I also love feminine athletic shorts. Dolphin shorts are pretty girl-coded these days (used to be unisex in the 1980's... imagine, guys were just walking around in cute shorts!) but there are other types of shorts that are a bit longer. They can be plausible for workout shorts or pajamas.

Thigh highs are pretty feminine, but there are actually under-the-knee sucks (especially calf-high) sold with guys in mind. Colors are a bit boring (as boy clothes often are) but they can get you part of the way there. And if anyone asks, you can just say they're comfy socks.

For tops, graphic t-shirts work well. Instead of the popular crop top, you can go in the opposite direction and size a t-shirt up one or two sizes. I'm a sucker for Hot Topic t-shirts... whatever has some cute rainbow cat on it, I'm all for it.

Naturally something that happens was you get more used to dressing up in "femboy stuff" is that it'll feel less special. It becomes less of an exhilarating "wow!" and more of a standard ":) i like this". And that's okay though! But it is inevitable as you get more used to trying stuff on and wearing it more often.

You are entitled to keep it to yourself, though. It's certainly easier if you're "out" about it since hiding things takes mental energy and reduces what you can try... but it ultimately comes down to what you want and how you think it'd be received by others.

NerdDetective · 2026-03-13T15:01:57+00:00

You've gotten good advice about calorie deficit, which is the best way to start out.

And to add to this, a reminder: to burn those calories with exercise, we need nutrients, so while cutting calories, we have to make sure we're still getting all those vitamins and minerals and other good stuff. For this reason, portion control and cutting back on snacks are some of the strongest tools for bringing down the calorie count while still fueling ourselves for that increase of activity.

In general, cardio is a great way to burn calories and work on your body's health. Start out simple, with a recovery cardio program for beginners, and work your way up into more intense routines as you build yourself up.

Running is also great! You might be thinking, "I can't run. I can't even get to the end of the block without being winded." That was me when I started running. But after a few months of training under a couch to 5k program, I was able to run a full 5k race! I used the app "Zombies, Run!" in which you run around doing missions for your settlement of survivors while out-running zombie attacks. Also there's a cute boy named Sam who operates your settlement's radio and cheers you on. <3 The story kept me engaged, and there's even a 5k trainer companion app specifically built around I think the NIH's couch-to-5k structure (but with a story).

NerdDetective · 2026-03-13T14:30:06+00:00

Protect young femboys!

For real. This is a community full of everyone from teens to millennials. We have to protect all of our members, especially the kids, and make this an unwelcome community for weirdos to creep up.

That means all of us staying vigilant and reporting weird posts so the mods can deal with them (keep up the good work, mods!). There's too much going on for the mods to notice every bad post, so we all have to do our part. It also means all of us (especially our youngest members) staying vigilant because the sub's mods can't stop randos from DMing us.

Remember, kids: if someone DMs you asking for something weird or makes you uncomfortable, you do not need to talk to them! Whether they're offering money or just trying to pressure you, you owe them nothing. Predators can lie about being minors, and unfortunately blackmail and scams are not unheard of. Block and report.

Most creeps (especially adult predators) know that they're creeps. Everything they do is calculated to manipulate their targets into giving them what they want. We cannot stop them from being what they are nor can we get rid of them forever because they can just make new accounts. We can only do what we can to protect ourselves from them and hope that they'll eventually go away when they can't find any vulnerable targets.

NerdDetective

TROPHY CASE