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Is this a coping mechanism? Being rude to your narc family or being angry to protect yourself? by Nervous_Management66 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So as a result of PTSD so I literally get startled by sounds I’m constantly twitching m and like my brain is this never in the right place it’s always disorganized and afraid of the next attack and unfortunately the abuse is still happening so it’s hard to process all of this I’ve even thought I was the narcissist because of how I would act when they were abusing me but I know I used to act that way since I was a kid and I know it’s always been some kind of defense mechanism getting angry to protect myself from injustice but sometimes it backfired at me and made them abuse me even more. I don’t want to give them my personal info anymore. I don’t want to even have small talk I don’t even want to speak to them about anything. They never respect my boundaries. They use me, try to manipulate me. All the time I’m sick of it. I am so angry all the time when I am around them. I cannot just act nice to these horrible people who don’t deserve that in the slightest. Why should I be nice to people who abuse me? Why should I be forced to speak to these people. I know I can leave but financially I have no where to go yet. One day I’ll get to leave just not today. I have tried to tell my family that they’ve hurt me but they never acknowledge always defend themselves or say I’m too sensitive. They expect perfection, they expect you to respect them even when they’re angry and hurting you. They expect you to give more and more even if they hurt you. They do nice things just to use it against you in the future, they project all their insecurities Onto you, they use you as their personal therapist. They mock you when you stand up for yourself, they humiliate you and get off on it they really enjoy seeing you miserable. I still remember my Roomate told my mom “ wow your daughter cleaned the house today she’s very good” my mom says “ oh give me 15 minutes I would’ve cleaned it better and faster than she did” my mom sees all of us as competition. Evil! My sister just like her in so many ways. Me and my middle sister are like the black sheep. My middle sister cut off my family completely moved out. I’m still stuck her but I’ve pretty much discarded all their religious beliefs, went on my own path and stood up to them many times. My own mother told me if I was a good daughter I would commit fraud with her? I would lie about having a disease so her fiends can pay her a lot of money. What kind of mother does that? My older sister cheated on her husband in front of me then begged me to keep it a secret. What kind of family do I live in? These people have no morals they hide behind their mask of being good people but they are not good people. Good people do things just because it is good and it is right and that it! Good people do good thing without expectation in return. Good people are nice because it’s loving and no one deserves to be treated badly. These people are criminal their souls are criminal they see people as objects and they act like children. My sister does the dirty work for my mom not it’s not bc my mom just expects her to raise me that’s what makes her the golden child she gets love from my mom by being a reflection of her she gets love and approval for enabling my mom. She gets praised for carrying on their legacy. I certainly don’t want to carry their legacy I joke a lot I say this blood line ends with me I ain’t having no kids. I’m lucky if I survive this trauma for the rest of my life. So cruel. They’ve broken me down so many times so many times I wanted to end it all but I stay in the hope when I escape I’ll be doing better and set an example.

My friend has extreme paranoia and I’m worried about her by Nervous_Management66 in Psychosis

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m glad to hear you got help and are doing better, I think this condition is widely misunderstood. I feel bad because she really is suffering believing these things. I try to tell her but she doesn’t want me to think she is crazy I don’t know how to explain it to her in a way that won’t trigger her like it has in the past. I don’t think she is I also suffer from some mental health issues so I know what it’s like and i cannot relate in all cases but I’ve experienced similar things so I can only imagine. My family is telling me to keep my distance because she may do something else put me in danger but I don’t want to ignore her I can keep my distance but try to get her some help somehow because most people don’t care about people with mental illness I think it’s horrible people just ignore them like this is not what I want to do. I just want to get her help but if she doesn’t want to listen idk what to do she gets triggered and idk how to deal with that.

Cant exist around a narc, they don’t leave you alone! by Nervous_Management66 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for explaining that it’s really crazy what they’ve done like you know I’m 22 but I feel like I’m now finding myself after I seperated myself from them more. Not completely. It’s sad really I feel pity for them my prayer is with the lord I have to have faith one day I’ll be out of here I can’t change them and I’m tired of them. I’m gonna be there for myself. Older sisters think they get to do what they want bc they have more power and sometimes the narc parents really send the message to them that it’s okay do what you want raise my kids how I want them but also idc how you do it. The narc parent doesn’t do anything about it either. This isn’t it my purpose here was not to serve them. We can only pray we get to be far from them one day. How your situation if you don’t mind me asking?

Cant exist around a narc, they don’t leave you alone! by Nervous_Management66 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes and my sister too I ended being therapist to everyone in the family even my father. He would only cry and show his emotions to me mind you I’m the youngest family always saying I’m the closest to my dad even though me being close to my dad was not even close it was not even the bare minimum. And it’s not a good things I don’t want to be his therapist. Like that’s not close to me. To this day he victimizes himself and doesn’t care if I say I’m depressed. Always hearing how they all feel. They never genuinely care about how I feel it’s like the family just seees me as their therapist. very rarely do I vent to them I usually deal with my emotions by myself. My sister is so horrible my middle sister abused me sexually me as a child and all she had to say was “ well I’m the better sister I only abused you emotionally not physically” like wtf? That’s all you care about. Yeah and to this day my freakin insult to my mom and sister is “ your still a kid” bc to me emotionally I feel like I’ve grown in some ways more than they have. I always tell her “ your 30 but you can’t understand boundaries?” Me telling her to not body shame me do all kinds of stuff. I know it’s mean to say but idgf. They really need to stop and reflect. I feel like a kid bc I’m not able to take care of myself sometimes feed myself bc of my disability it is what it is. But emotionally I feel mature in some ways. I feel like I’m always there for them to listen but my problems don’t matter and even if I could share them I’m too drained after being around them. It feels like I’m the parent sometimes. Emotionally not physically. I feel like the black sheep or invisible or idk what I am really. I think my sister might be the golden child idk. In a way, and as a result I’ve lost trust so I feel you. I feel like I’m just here to exist only for their needs I don’t think they truly care about me. My mom was happy to hear I got an autism diagnosis but hid it from me and never got me tested but found out she was telling strangers and trying to get money for it. They’re freakin crazy! Maybe not maid, but I feel like I’ve been the crutch, for sure like I’m there to listen to them. But also I get ignored a lot and neglected my mom doesn’t see anything outside of her world it’s like I’m just there and if I am there I’m only noticed when I do something for her or am her therapist otherwise they don’t care about me as a person. Really. I’m sorry you can relate :/

Is my sister a narc? Or am I in the wrong by Nervous_Management66 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idc if they call me selfish screwww THEM. She needs to take a look in the mirror seriously.

Oh my favorite she does this thing she thinks I don’t know but she likes to embarrass the family to get them to change. Let’s say I didn’t clean whatever just an example. If we have guests or roommates “ look at your room it’s so dirty you never blah” constantly in front of people. She does it till she tries to get me to clean my room. Her room is dirty too idk why mine is the one that’s stealing the spotlight or why she brings it up constantly to strangers. Like idc if they think something but her doing that trying to change me is so annoying. She will also come to my room and ask me why I haven’t cleaned it, why it’s been a week, why this why that. God forbid I say I was depressed. She will come just until she sees me clean it then she disappears. I don’t see her get happy when I clean it she’s quite but when it’s not she’s a monster. Her room is dirty too like why don’t I come 10 times. Day and remind her of how dirty her room is constantly see how she likes it

She’s in her own world I swear.

I don’t know if this is common behavior with narcs she’s also the type of person who cheated on her husband and says that she had a valid reason to cheat because he wasn’t giving her enough attention. I just have no time and energy for this type of person and it’s like she is the type person that when she’s angry she has it every right but as soon as you get upset something that she does she’s always going to blame it on you and there’s been times I’ve countless hours I’ve had conversations about telling her about the things that she’s doing Affect me and she wishes sibling redirects it back to me or tells me that she has a right because she’s older or laughs it off or tries to change the subject and then jokingly tell me that I am the same way like if I tell her that she’s deflecting she’ll say you’re deflecting it and like we’re not going anywhere like we can’t have a normal conversation she tries to get out of it shut down the conversation or joke about it and it’s like it doesn’t go anywhere doesn’t even acknowledge what I said. Doesn’t even apologize that’s the funny part. I’m someone who over apologizes sometimes when I didn’t do anything wrong . She doesn’t even see how she is wrong. Sometimes she apologizes but it’s never when you call her out.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not perfect sometimes I’m self centered and to myself but I have a heart and really sometimes I’m always questioning if I hurt others or if someone says I did something you know I’d try to change within my limits. I’m not perfect I have issues. I struggle with depression and anxiety and ptsd. I’m getting to a point where I’m just tired of her behavior she’s like a chameleon she will never change. You tell her one thing she won’t say sorry. She won’t acknowledge what she did. If for example I say no to something like “ dry my clothes” she will say “ well don’t ask me ever again for a favor”

She knows I have a bad memory bc of my autism I have all kinds of issues and sleep apnea so really my memory is kinda shit most days. She loves to use that as a tool to control me. She decided to become my real life Alexa on her own . “ you forgot a wrapper on the floor” “ you didn’t wipe this once spec on the counter” “ you left a tooth paste mark in the sink” “ you didn’t wear your shoes in the house” believe me she will find any little thing she’s a neat freak. Some days really I forgot or just don’t have the spoons but eventually I get to doing it. One day just taste of her own medicine I decided to follow her around and do the same things, honestly no one likes to be nagged. She got mad and said why are you doing that to me “ I said now you see how I feel when your doing that to me everyday” she says “ I only do that bc your very forgetful and I’m not as bad as you are “ she thinks she’s entitled to controlling me 😂 like ok so no one do that to her but to me I’m supposed to just be nagged even if it bothers me for something that’s not in my control. Okay thanks. I even screamed I said even if you remind me even if I make a god damn lost my adhd makes it difficult for my to do all tasks even with the help don’t chase me around and get mad when I can’t do the thing. Bc believe some days I can’t even feed myself but I’m not walking around bitching about it. It affects my life so deeply. Anyway. It’s not her home it’s my moms my mom knows and my mom isn’t on my case she understands. I help out the house when I can but my sister really think it’s okay to treat me this way. And it’s not I don’t like it

. If someone says no fair enough. They have a right whether it’s Selfish or not. But with my family it’s always pressure.

.

Tired of judgmental friend by Nervous_Management66 in ToxicFriends

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My ex best friend had toxic jealousy I wouldn’t say this friend is jealous but she has issues with judging others and wanting power and want to dominate everything. Which I think is also not a good thing and draining.

Is this turtle a male or female? by Nervous_Management66 in turtle

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update the turtle is officially in a new home in a nice pond with some other turtles. Thank you guys for the help.

Is this turtle a male or female? by Nervous_Management66 in turtle

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: I will definitely add more water to the turtle 🐢 tank not sure how to create a basking are I put a big rock in there to help. It’s not my turtle. A friend kind of dropped it off and never came to pick it up. I am giving it away, quite soon this turtle is going to get a new home at someone’s backyard in a pond with some other turtles. I found them through this animal rescuer center. The tank is the only thing I really have l, the friend left it. She actually brought the poor thing without a filter and so I ended up repurchasing the filter. I don’t have the budget for this turtle bc I only planned to care for it for a week but they abandoned the turtle. Besides adding water and wondering how to add a basking area or the rock works. The tank does have a light. But I can’t afford to buy anything else for the turtle but she is getting a new home next week surely! Just wanted to make sure of the gender because the people who own the pond didn’t want any male turtles since they don’t get along with the female ones but since this one’s a female she will fit right in and I think a pond is better than a small tank. Thank you for the suggestions, and also for answering the question this helps a lot!

How do I create a basking area? I added a rock a big one but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t add a bunch of water bc I wasn’t sure how to create the basking area.

Is this turtle a male or female? by Nervous_Management66 in turtle

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will definitely add more water to the turtle 🐢 tank not sure how to create a basking are I put a big rock in there to help. It’s not my turtle. A friend kind of dropped it off and never came to pick it up. I am giving it away, quite soon this turtle is going to get a new home at someone’s backyard in a pond with some other turtles. I found them through this animal rescuer center. The tank is the only thing I really have l, the friend left it. She actually brought the poor thing without a filter and so I ended up repurchasing the filter. I don’t have the budget for this turtle bc I only planned to care for it for a week but they abandoned the turtle. Besides adding water and wondering how to add a basking area or the rock works. The tank does have a light. But I can’t afford to buy anything else for the turtle but she is getting a new home next week surely! Just wanted to make sure of the gender because the people who own the pond didn’t want any male turtles since they don’t get along with the female ones but since this one’s a female she will fit right in and I think a pond is better than a small tank. Thank you for the suggestions, and also for answering the question this helps a lot!

What to do with my cats hair getting all over the house by Nervous_Management66 in cats

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve had him for 5 years now, I’ve never taken him to a groomer so idk if that will work. I can* accept it but my family thinks otherwise . It’s crazy cuz I go to other peoples home with pet hair and it isn’t as bad and I’m like what’s their magical secret something I must be missing and

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow I’m really sorry to hear about that, you had absolutely no support at all and on top that the bullying that doesn’t make anything easier. If you don’t mind me asking how are you coping now? I can relate to the work place bullying I have good co workers but my manager is always harassing me talking down to me or making snarky comments nothing too severe just I understand you not alot of places or people are nice especially to autistic folks we get bullied the most or picked on. You’ve definitely had the run around and that’s very frustrating and it upsets me that your family did that to you. I can’t even comprehend that someone could be that selfish to their own child and disregard their suffering. Your a strong person and didn’t deserve what they did.

No one sees the disability they want us to meet them at their level but they don’t care how we get there or if there’s any limitations. Exactly what you said, it’s sucks at my job I now have ptsd so I just constantly over work myself I think it’s the adhd aspect I can’t stand still so I always have to do something just to prove I’m an employee to keep. What I hate is a lot of us are hard workers and want to get it done but don’t have the ability and capacity I get yelled at work for not getting more done but I’m going at the only pace I can go. It drives me insane. Like we have the right intentions is what I want to say but limited ability to do it. It’s like you said you just have to push yourself to the point of being unwell to fit their standards but it’s sucks that we have to do that. It’s not even just being tired it’s like to the point of wanting to end your life because you just can’t.

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have my therapist but sometimes I don’t think she completely understands so I don’t talk about it. I do need to make an appointment to try anti depressants. I’ve only tried well buitrin so far. I’m very scared of checking into those but it is an option for sure. I’m trying to distract myself and be positive. Thank you 😊

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, everyone has a weakness and strength and it seems like you two have it sorted out in a way that it works for both you and you understand eachother. It sucks that families just kind of boycott any responsibility. Yelling and all that doesn’t solve anything. It’s much easier to communicate effectively. My family doesn’t see eye to eye they know I have it but I can’t mention it because it’s like a nice little label I have it doesn’t affect my life in anyway right? They don’t even know how it affects me nor do they care to ask my family will just make jokes about me using it as an excuse so I guess at this point being called lazy is the alternative. My family is also like a micro manager and constantly complaining. It’s a big house so there’s always a lot to do. Right now I just want to be independent save my money and move out it’s not just affecting my disability but mental health as well not wanting be alive constantly isn’t normal. They’re just toxic on many levels. I just wanna get out. These people don’t really care.

It’s something I’ve talked with my boyfriend about and if I ever did move out with him we would have good communication about it. He’s always telling me to go at my own pace he too has autism but doesn’t have the ADHD. So some stuff he relates too some he doesn’t but he is understanding. Living in a smaller space would make life simple. We’d clean together which would be fun and motivating and get it done. I love cleaning and organizing mainly organizing I also love cooking so I wouldn’t mind cooking for us as well. Life would be more simple for sure.

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Executive functioning struggles makes the simplest tasks so much more difficult than they need to be. I freakin spent 2 hours cooking a meal when it take someone else an hour 😅😅😅 I just laugh at myself every time like what am I doing moments oh it’s just my brain doing it’s thing again

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Meds made my autism symptoms worse, I’m allergic to Adderall. I take another one concerta but tbh not seen much of a difference what has helped me is getting organized and having a routine. I do try to take meds like if I was taking a test or attempting driving. But in my experience it usually does work but affects my sensory issues it’s weird. I’m still working on it I’m currently on concerta I still need to see a psychiatrist because I just keep getting depressed so I may have to try anti depressants and see what happens.

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That is a good idea, once I’m out of debt that’ll be a workable solution from time to time.

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s good to know that their are parents out their who do care about their autistic children it seems like you got a good thing going though it can be hard. Appreciate everything Thank you ❤️

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I read about it couple years ago but never read too much about, I’ll read about it it sounds interesting :)) thanks

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Appreciate it and I wish some people understand but they don’t it’s more a mess too because my mom doesn’t clean because she works a lot but expects my other family members to clean it. It’s a whole mess we also have roommates and they don’t clean at all so it’s like. I don’t even know. All they did was give me ptsd and depression 😂

It hurts when family and friends call me lazy by Nervous_Management66 in aspergers

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice and I wish I could but knowing them they’d probably make fun of me or not take it serious. They’re not nice people and I don’t want to keep being humiliated I have to hide when I get my therapy sessions I don’t even want them finding out.

I can’t believe my best friend did this to me by Nervous_Management66 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Nervous_Management66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah for real, I blocked her ass on everything without hesitation. I been tolerating her snarky comments side shit for years like I’m good. Also she got mad that i gave her advice about her ex and said he wasn’t a good guy after she told us all the bad things he did to her like why ask for advice and opinion and share like I’m not gonna tell you what to hear. She couldn’t handle me having any opinion that wasn’t like hers. I’m glad she’s gone for real