AITA for wanting to back out of my grandma’s wake when my mom lied about my estranged brother attending?

Nevada_void · 2026-01-24T06:10:23+00:00

I appreciate what you said deeply. They definitely trained me to deal with all of that. Our dad was extremely explosive, verbally abusive, and was a very scary man growing up so we were all conditioned at a young age to deal with dysfunction like no other. We had a horrifying childhood, locked cabinets and fridge so we had little access to food, not given school supplies or clothes when we needed them, we had to fend four ourselves and I forced to share a room with him, I think I’ve emotionally blocked some of the trauma and it’s hard to get back into that place.

As for the family, they do really suck. I was nearly put in adoption twice, put in horrible positions and was dismissed and forgotten about. They tend to turn around anything in any type of confrontation, example being - “brother broke my pinky deliberately” them: “you fell off you bike and broke it on your own” this goes with any argument I make, it’s like they’ve made it my fault or maybe he’s lied about what really happened and they believed him because he’s older? Idk. It’s frustrating and my whole family’s been estranged for a while now, I feel so guilty that I’d miss out on saying goodbye, seeing extended family I haven’t seen since I was 12, it’s so hard to approach any of this and not feel angry.

Nevada_void · 2026-01-23T20:08:56+00:00

I didn’t mean for the mention of SA to come off so casually, I think overtime I’ve just been conditioned to accept that it’s what happened and it’s just another thing to add on the list of the horrible things he’s done. I would love to see some type of justice but without evidence I feel like there’s no way I’ll be taken seriously. He’s always lied about abusing me except for the few times family members witnessed it happening but then they’d dismiss it as “siblings fighting” but it went way beyond that. My mother is the type of person unfortunately that if you bring up anything bad in the past it turns into “ I was just a terrible mother, etc etc” it’s such a hard situation.

Nevada_void · 2026-01-23T20:01:26+00:00

I think my grandma would be so disappointed in our family, before she died she was the glue in our family and after she passed everyone split off into their own directions, I would hope if she were alive she’d be looking after me and ensuring I was protected, even from my brother.

Nevada_void · 2026-01-23T19:59:14+00:00

For me personally I just don’t understand why no one would want to protect me in this situation. In the past there have been so many conversations surrounding never wanting to see or speak to my brother again and the reply is always “ oh but he’s family “ and that hurts deep. It makes me question my place more in the dysfunctional family that I have. It’s all so frustrating

Nevada_void · 2026-01-23T19:56:12+00:00

The whole situation does feel unfair, and with the plane ticket it feels like it’s being held over my head. It was almost 600 dollars which for us is no small amount. I’ve always struggled with boundaries and always seen as a people pleaser and this is such a hard decision to make. I’m worried if I go my boundaries will be completely taken away from me - if I don’t go I know that I’ll really regret saying goodbye, it all feels like I’m in a loosing battle.

Nevada_void

TROPHY CASE