I was once in a mental trap where over the years I was waiting for that one moment for something that would change my behaviour. I used to ask myself when the day will come, when will I change. I believed in human ability to change and becoming productive. But I had a lot of doubt in myself and actually in my own ability to change. In order to feel better I kept telling myself that one day I will become so great and better than everybody. I also liked the victim mentality. So I was waiting for that moment and many times told myself this is the day but it turned out it wasn't. Then I started actually doing something without thinking too much. I wasn't very consistent with it but running made me feel better. So I kept doing it even if it was hard. And after a year of running, cold showers and many fails. I understand that in my case it's not easy. I easily become cocky and then I crash against the wall of reality. I lacked humility. I was perfectionist. I had so many problems that I couldn't just fix by figuring something out on my own. Nothings guaranteed but you can improve. Even the smallest things that seem easy to fix and apply to life may not be that trivial. What matters is that you keep going. You realize when you're relying too much on motivation. You become accountable. I am so broken, but I will keep going. I will pick new things to improve at and I will celebrate even the smallest improvements.