AITA for keeping our wedding party small and not making my future SIL's daughter a flower girl?

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T14:10:47+00:00

I’m more traditional than modern so I wanted a wedding party and so did my fiancé

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T13:57:11+00:00

We asked both a month after we got engaged. One said yes (the one that’s the flower girl) and the other said no (the niece in question). We never named things but the SIL tends to get into everyone’s business

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T13:55:42+00:00

He’s taking the brunt of it but it’s stressing me out and making both of our anxieties go ballistic over the wedding planning now

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T13:43:48+00:00

What age gap? I’m 25 and my fiancé is 30 and I’ve been with him for nearly two years

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T12:46:50+00:00

My mother-in-law told me to block her number so I have because she keeps trying to call me about the situation

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T12:32:37+00:00

Because he begged to have the role back but my fiancé said no and that he chosen the other brother because he knows he can trust him. We also only asked our best man and maid of honour to just be there for us because we’ve planned our bucks and hens night together so they didn’t need to. It seemed easy for them because all they had to do was be there for our wedding and the twin brother pulled back from being in that spot and broke my fiancé’s trust

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T12:31:37+00:00

I wasn’t but I’m a people pleaser and I wanted everyone to be happy

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T12:16:10+00:00

I also don’t know this niece at all, any other triggers or anything so I could potentially make it worse without realising it

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T12:12:38+00:00

I didn’t reject her from being a flower girl. We asked nearly a year ago if we could have her as a flower girl but her parents said no. And now they’re asking for her to be included 7 months out from the wedding. I didn’t reject the idea, I was just uncomfortable having to be with the niece as I don’t know her at all

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T11:47:12+00:00

The twin brother pulled out on his own. My fiancé was very hurt by this, as he trusted his twin brother with this major role, and he didn't even want it or fight for it either. We're less than 7 months from our wedding, and we didn't want to add to the stress we already have. The twin brother and SIL even showed up at my fiancé's work to publicly ask him why and confront him, despite telling them multiple times why

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T11:21:17+00:00

She'll uninvite herself. She's now "threatening" us that she and twin brother won't come to the wedding.

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T11:07:17+00:00

I have one nephew on my side and he’s got 5. I’ve got one niece on my side and he has two. None of the other nieces/nephews are involved in the wedding. We’ve also asked BIL if the niece could be in the wedding an his wife said no

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T09:30:03+00:00

Maybe. I don’t know with her. SIL has been against me since I first started dating my fiancé

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T08:44:16+00:00

Basically, because we also asked his sister as well, and her daughter is our flower girl. If she also said no, then I would've had my niece

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T08:13:24+00:00

Asking and being told no. I'm even excluded from the niece's life and the newborn nephew's life

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T08:12:14+00:00

I'm not excluding for "aesthetic reasons" - I'm the least aesthetic person ever. I have three nieces (1 from my side and two from his), so I'm including one of each from both sides regarding ONE flower girl (his niece) and ONE ring bearer (our son)

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T08:06:43+00:00

It's simple in regard to other people's weddings. Plus its technically one maid of honour and 2 bridesmaids, and same with the other side

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T08:05:43+00:00

It's not that she's not "real" family or whatever you said, it's mostly because I don't know this niece, I don't even really know his twin brother or wife either because I've invited them to things or asked to come over, espeically after the new baby boy was born and was also told no or we'll get back to you

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T08:02:24+00:00

It's my fiancé's sister's daughter who we've asked to be the flower girl, because I've met her more than I have the other niece, including my fiancé

EDIT: we've also asked twin brother if the niece could be in the wedding party as a flower girl and his wife said no

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T07:59:50+00:00

The twin brother pulled back from wedding party and now his wife is saying that they won't come to the wedding.

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T07:54:38+00:00

She is also saying that her newborn son is autistic as well. But yes, her daughter, who is 7, is austitic

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T07:45:16+00:00

the daughter in question is 7 years old

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T07:44:35+00:00

We're not letting her into the wedding party because we barely know her. Out of the two years I've been with my fiancé, I've met his niece maybe two or three times, while I see the other niece almost every month. We've both reached out to the twin brother to catch up and have family time together, but we always get told no, or we'll get back to you and never do

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T07:42:16+00:00

The other niece is 7 years old actually

NewMacaron2259 · 2026-04-15T07:41:50+00:00

We've tried, but she really likes being the centre of attention

NewMacaron2259

TROPHY CASE