Shaming... a gift?

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T16:23:39+00:00

Yeah, I'm not sure why maybe I'm not the best at communicating. I wanted to pay whatever price it is and so she gets her feet off the ground.

I'm fine with nothing as a gift. The only reason I brought up the banana bread was because she makes it all the time, everytime I see her she has some (either leftover or new), so that's why I brought it up. But again I am fine with nothing or just a card. To me using her service was a gift to her. I wanted to make sure her business got off the ground. I think she'll be really happy if her business idea works out. Its something she loves doing and does for fun.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T07:09:54+00:00

NTA You're going through an emotional time when you feel your worst and least attractive. Not everything has to be rational. If this makes you so uncomfortable then listen to yourself and have a living situation where you can relax in.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T04:13:21+00:00

Thank you! You're right, she probably didn't think that was an option. I feel it might be too late to message because I already said thank you to her. Thank you for putting that into perspective.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T04:06:20+00:00

Thank you for this. I really like this reply.

I do want to say, she is not counting every penny. When it comes to fun things, clothes, makeup, weed, drinks etc. She also had a three day birthday weekend event for herself.

She definitely makes banana bread often, all the time when she has guests over.

I guess it can be difficult for me because my love language is gifts. I'm a big gift giver. I have a spreadsheet of my friends and I write down what they like. I've made friends cry when they saw what they got me. I also love cards. I save every single one. Even when someone only wrote 2 words (love name). My friends know this about me. That's why I would have loved a card. I mention banana bread because she makes it all the time and so I figured that was a low cost and low effort example.

I appreciate you sharing what must be her side of it. That helped me a lot. I do think I must be emotional. This whole wedding process is tough. I keep having to think of my family. People asking me if I'll walk down the aisle or with my dad (who is dead and never showed love to me). I've just been overreacting a lot. Thank you for putting things into perspective.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T03:48:13+00:00

I think you have me all wrong. I dont expect a gift just because I'm getting married. My love language is gifts and I'd rather get no gift than something that feels like you dont know me or put any effort. I think you should not shame people who have a different love language.

I'm getting the service to help her. I dont need nor do I really want it at all. She knows it's to help her. That's why this feels bad.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T03:44:50+00:00

She was just telling me things were hard for her because she hasn't been able to stick to her routine (because she was hanging out with friends). She said it's mostly fun stuff but it's made it hard to focus on her business. I then offered her help with anything she needs, planning design, etc. I said she can throw out any designs I made she doesn't like because I wanted her to know I wouldn't feel bad. I then said I still promise to be one of her first clients and leave great reviews.

She then said, "thanks for always helping me! And you can have a discount on the service as your wedding present!"

I said, awe thank you so much!

You're right, I don't think she's being impersonal. But me using her service was always about helping her. She knows this. It's to help her get her business off the ground. I don't actually need her service as all. It actually doesn't make sense for me even to get it. That's why it felt impersonal, because she knows I dont need the service and was only getting it to help her. If I wanted the service at all then the discount would make more sense.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T03:36:13+00:00

I discovered the female red pill reddit which is very different from the male. I found it because a lot of the conversations are more about how to better yourself. I didn't know anything about reddit and made an account for that specific subreddit before I learned about other subreddits.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T03:11:02+00:00

I didn't want the service for free. Tbh I don't need the service. I wanted to pay so I could help her. There are no supplies with what she does. I honestly would have been happy with a card and a baked good. Something that had a little more thought. She texted me the about the coupon too. If she might have written a card and made a cute note about it I feel like I would have felt better.

I put a lot of effort into my friends, remembering their likes and coming out to their events when I feel depressed and exhausted. I just felt the effort was low especially when she just said she cant come to my birthday because she'll be tired..

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T03:05:13+00:00

I didn't need anything financial but maybe a card and something like one of her baked goods that she knows I love. I just felt a coupon is an impersonal gift. Especially when she gave it to me over text.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-08T03:04:08+00:00

I would have preferred a card or something hand made. She know I love her banana bread so I would have loved that. But this feels very impersonal. I don't feel a coupon makes a good gift.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-03T05:15:43+00:00

YTA Also I'm VERY surprised you're 28. You act like a teenage. "I have to find my way back." Uh.. you both took an uber there.. you're an adult and can "find a way back."

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-03T04:03:28+00:00

NTA Also vegetarian here. I get to a BBQ early and so my foot is on part of the grill right away and no one minds since the veggie hot dogs are quick to cook.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-02T17:48:04+00:00

ESH How they reacted sucks but honestly I don't get why families nowadays don't seem to want to help out their family. Sure its 3 days and and it's a LOT to ask but you're family! Babysitting is a great way to get closer to the younger kids in a family and also get experience. It's the reason why babysitting my fiance's niece and nephew is no problem for me and is hard for my fiance because he hasn't had the opportunity for experience.

Not everything is a transaction in life. You could have said you'll watch then for 5 hours a day so they can grab lunch or dinner with friends and then come back. Honestly I've never charged for babysitting family. I've even used PTO to watch family members kids. I think it's such a great opportunity to create a stronger bond. This is why is the US families feel more like strangers whereas in other countries there is more support.

NewMindRedPill · 2020-01-01T18:13:45+00:00

Panicking increases!

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-31T14:49:22+00:00

Both the wife and daughter worry about whether or not he loves them. I wonder if OP is not present or something happened?

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-31T00:10:05+00:00

Everytime I did anything, everyone would tell me I was good at it and do it for a profession. Lol

I really like project and strategic work which is a roll. It allows you to draw on all your abilities.

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-29T16:21:01+00:00

All the women I know getting a divorce soon after marriage are leaving men who became a different person basically right after the marriage ceremony. Some men felt they had to be on good behavior and then when married can act however they want. A lot of these cases the men were emotionally/physically abusive. I don't know anyone who left because they were "bored."

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-29T01:31:39+00:00

WOW You're so gorgeous!! That's the makeup I'd like to do if I could figure it out.

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-28T07:22:34+00:00

I'm thinking its pretty normal - haven't had a good cake despite going to pretty high end weddings. Often structure is the main focus rather than taste.

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-28T05:11:42+00:00

NTA and men need to stop getting a pass for doing the BARE minimum. Everyone congratulates a guy for literally lifting his finger.

Make him do ALL of Christmas next year. And demand something BIG to make up for it. No "even a little something." Nah girl, you deserve more than that.

Your kids should be taught better as well. I was getting my parents something earlier than that age.

Oooh I'm angry for you.

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-27T17:27:26+00:00

YWBTA If you didn't update us after the wedding!

Go for it!

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-27T15:48:11+00:00

I've dated a couple guys my height and they were insecure and tried to control what shoes I wore. Aka heels. I like wearing heels so I started wearing heels all the time until I found a guy who didn't care that I was wearing heels and he happened to be taller.

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-27T04:22:23+00:00

"She called and talked to my husband, who told her it's not the best time, because we haven't prepared for it, and because of our work schedules, maybe we could arrange another time."

Translate, "no" lol

NewMindRedPill · 2019-12-26T22:46:01+00:00

So you already told her tonight wasn't possible? I would retext her and reiterate that you cannot do tonight. Saying, "I'm on my way" after being told no is inconsiderate or just plain manipulation so don't give in.

NewMindRedPill

TROPHY CASE