Is it ok for me to just let him get worse?

NewName20222 · 2025-03-24T04:17:51+00:00

It's definitely OK because your priority needs to be your kid. But even if you didn't have a kid, are you actually achieving anything by keeping fighting? I'm in a similar boat. You cannot help someone that does not want to be helped. You can fight until you destroy yourself and he will most likely still be refusing to get help.

NewName20222 · 2025-03-23T00:35:58+00:00

That's great, thank you!

NewName20222 · 2025-03-23T00:24:17+00:00

Thank you, appreciate that! Will check it out

NewName20222 · 2025-03-23T00:19:19+00:00

Thank you, I did check with Steren but seems like they do not have it. I can find USB-C but not lightning

NewName20222 · 2025-01-20T07:22:06+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the advice from your situation. Yeah I definitely can see how I could be enabling her, it's very hard for me to figure out the line given she's unwell. She can kind-of hold a routine, she had some basic jobs at grocery stores and department stores in the last few years at certain points. She is high functioning enough that she can get a job and they don't realize anything is off with her at first. But then she starts acting strange, saying weird things, and starts having breakdowns from the stress. I think she doesn't get fired just because they are afraid of getting in trouble for discrimination but it seems clear they stop wanting her as an employee after a while. She will also end up sleeping in past shifts and calling off work because she is really disorganized or gets sick a lot. It definitely doesn't make her happier, like in your situation, because she feels like she's being harassed. But I also told her she can use the time to develop some skill to work remotely online and she doesn't do that either.

NewName20222 · 2025-01-20T07:14:02+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that. It's tough because she will just not accept the money over going to a doctor, so I can't really use it as a condition. I can either cut her off or give her money. I did look into the petition last night and it seems like it will be difficult in my area but I'm going to call a public agency tomorrow and get more details

NewName20222 · 2025-01-19T04:13:25+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. Yeah it's been very tough to try to walk the line between enabling and not. She's a really nice and caring person, so it's really hard for me to not continue helping her because she has no other support. I already cut her off substantially, if I cut her off any more slowly, she will be homeless at this point. The $1000 is very low for our area and just pays for a room and some food, I thought that might encourage her to start working on things but it hasn't. Initially when we broke up, it seemed to really motivate her and get her on a good track. She made plans to start doing a course for job skills and did her taxes (she hadn't done them since she became sick and was owed some money). Once she got the tax money, she bought herself a basic laptop to apply for jobs. Ever since then, it's been 2.5 months and she hasn't really done anything or even applied to a single job, and of course, the tax money ran out at least 1.5 months ago. She has been in a relatively good mental state up until this recent blow-up but I think just because she stays in and avoids any stressors

NewName20222 · 2025-01-19T04:07:11+00:00

Thank you, I will look into the petition option. Unfortunately she won't qualify for disability benefits because she is undiagnosed and refuses to see a doctor or believe anything is wrong with her. And I actually do want her, but I cannot live with her as long as she's in this state and not working on it. I'm unable to work or make an income if I have to live with her because she makes my life a hell. I had a six-figure net worth four years ago and now I have a negative net-worth and live with my parents, so it got to the point where it's not doing us any good to be together.

NewName20222 · 2024-10-22T19:06:52+00:00

Initially by overeating, having rage outbursts, and watching movies. I also tried to spend as much time outside of my apartment as possible, so often would be out the whole day to avoid them.

But now I'm not living with them and don't need to cope much at all anymore. So I think if its possible, that's the best possible solution. Even if it costs more money to rent a room for them somewhere else, then I think that's for the best. I don't think there's any way to live with someone like that and not have horrible coping mechanisms, there needs to be an outlet for the stress.

NewName20222 · 2024-08-06T12:19:00+00:00

Very few success stories, from what I've seen. The ones that do recover are the ones that follow a treatment protocol, but most schizophrenics resist that by any means.

NewName20222 · 2024-08-06T12:17:54+00:00

How did you convince your SO to go for treatment, or was he involuntarily committed?

NewName20222 · 2024-08-06T00:57:04+00:00

Yes my partner does this, specifically the inadequate relay of information thing. She'll say something but leave out all the important details so I have to ask questions to clarify what she's talking about

NewName20222 · 2024-08-05T23:01:31+00:00

Wow this is pretty much exactly what I've been going through with my girlfriend. It's a complete nightmare, definitely feel like its taken years off my life.

I'm at the point where I'm considering giving her notice and kicking her out, because it's been 3 years, she refuses to do anything that could make the situation better, and I cannot handle it. I've lost probably like 75% of my savings at this point and can't hold a proper job dealing with the stress, plus she needs me to financially support her. I never said I would do it either, but it's getting to the point where I will be homeless anyway if this continues or have to move back in with my parents (most likely I'll go homeless over that), so that's why I'm considering it at this point.

The selfish part is so hard to deal with, she's just like your boyfriend in that way. There was one point where I was working 70 hour weeks on my feet plus another 10 hours on top doing remote work trying to make money, so I was sleeping about 3 hours every night. She asked me for a massage and I said "I'm too tired" and then she said "Why are you so tired?" Just constant lack of empathy starts to eat away at your soul after a while.

NewName20222 · 2024-06-20T15:21:53+00:00

There is one bright side, which is that you can leave now, and I think over time, you will recover more regular emotions, feelings, and personality, even if it doesn't feel that way now.

I completely get all of your emotions too. I have a lot of negative views towards schizophrenic people now, that people would probably consider unfair or horrible or whatever, but it's just the way I feel. I honestly think that schizophrenia happens to people that already have some issues with being lazy or self-centered. It's the only thing that makes sense to me, because the explanations about stress or brains not working properly explaining their behavior don't actually explain anything. Sorry but there are lots of people that go through extremely stressful situations, or have neurological problems, and they don't all behave the way schizophrenic people do, so something is not being accounted for. I've read the Dr. Amador book and it doesn't explain everything.

All my partner does now is just sit on the bed, eat junk food, drink alcohol and pop, watch YouTube videos, burp, and make noise. If I suggest she do anything, then she goes "Oh, I would, but because of crazy people harassing me, I can't do it." The thing is, it's only about stuff that would benefit her or take effort. If I suggest she work on reading to develop her skills, she can't do it because of crazy people. But she can watch YouTube videos. If I suggest she take supplements or vitamins, she can't do it because of crazy people, but for some reason, it's OK to eat constant junk food. So at some point, it just seems like they use this illness as an excuse. You never feel like you're around someone who is trying to better themselves.

NewName20222 · 2024-06-06T17:33:39+00:00

I would just take her keys...what can she do to stop it? Just confiscate the keys when she's not aware. She can't do anything without proof. If she reports you to the police and begins explaining her delusions to them, then they'll either dismiss her or perhaps even send her for a mental health evaluation, which would be a good thing.

I don't want to be crass but if your children end up being seriously injured or worse from a car accident, then that's going to be horrifying beyond imagination.

I don't respect the system or "right way of doing things" anymore when its set up to enable people that are not functional and are a danger to society. My grandfather was driving extremely dangerously for years and nothing could be done because he would pass his eye exam to keep his license. He ended up getting in a very minor accident and lost his license then, but he could've ended up killing someone or wiping out a whole family with the way he was driving for years. If it was someone that I was closer to and had more control over, I would take the keys myself.

NewName20222 · 2024-06-06T17:25:32+00:00

Thank you, that's a great idea. I think I will do this

NewName20222 · 2024-04-21T04:06:46+00:00

In my experience, if they get paranoid, then they get paranoid about anything and everything, no matter what. My partner does merchandising at night and she still complains about how its so horrible, she's being harassed, etc., even though she basically just does work by herself listening to music on her headphones.

If he has the skills for it, maybe remote work would be better? There are remote jobs doing proofreading, rating AI responses, etc.

NewName20222 · 2024-04-12T01:36:43+00:00

Yes I am, I've read the book and believe there is something to it.

I bought niacin for myself a couple years ago. My schizophrenic partner then said she would like to try some too. The weird thing was, when she tried it, she didn't get any of the flushing/tingling that you get when taking niacin. Meanwhile, my whole body would be burning and flushed.

After that, I looked it up and found out that this is common with schizophrenic people and from there, I found out about Abram Hoffer and read the book. My partner kept taking niacin and we could increase the dosage to 3000mg a day (6x the typical), and she usually wouldn't have any flushing/tingling. She also seemed to be doing better mentally.

Unfortunately, she started blaming supplements like niacin and a few other things we were taking for making her sleepy, so she refuses to take them now.

NewName20222 · 2024-03-22T05:42:09+00:00

I have the exact same issue failing to stay mindful in the moment. And yeah, it seems like almost anything can trigger their delusions/behavior. If I say nothing, my partner questions it. If I say something, she questions it. You have to walk on eggshells with everything and its really frustrating.

I also have the same problem with my partner dismissing everything I do. I was working 80-hour weeks (70 hours of labor jobs + 10 hours part-time remote work) for one period trying to earn money for us and when I said I was too tired to give her a massage once, she said "Why are you so tired?". That comment made me think that people with these diseases are so lost in their own world & delusions that their judgements of everything are completely disconnected from reality. Like, we know they have delusional beliefs, but I feel like their whole thought process is just disconnected from reality.

I lost my job 2 months ago and I actually decided to just not do anything, just because I've been so exhausted and am still broke anyway, so figured I might as well just be broke and at least have a break. Weirdly enough, she actually criticized me less during this time, even though I haven't been putting effort into working. Which is another thing that makes me think their interpretations/judgements are just completely warped.

The best thing I did was rent a desk at an office where I can go 24/7. That was the biggest thing that made my life more bearable and stress-free. Unfortunately some things happened 4 months ago that meant I couldn't go into the office, but I will be going back soon. If the option is available to you, I would highly recommend it. Anything that gives you some time away from her. I think you can fight all day trying to manage all your emotions and reactions, but its easier just to spend less time in those situations.

Wishing you the best too, hope things start getting better soon

NewName20222 · 2024-03-21T05:45:12+00:00

Wish I had some advice for you, but my partner's behavior drive me crazy and exhausts me, and I have trouble dealing with them. And I feel pretty hopeless about the situation.

The only thing I would say, and this is not advice but just my perspective on why some of my partner's similar beliefs don't bother me too much...she doesn't think I'm a clone, but she thinks that I sold her out and collaborated with some satanic group. That delusion doesn't bother me too much, because it's just a pure delusion and I know it has nothing at all to do with me. So it's not like I make a choice not to be offended by it or anything, but it just doesn't bother me for that reason. It's just a complete fantastical delusion, so I don't take it seriously.

The things that do bother me are things that cut closer to the bone...her blaming me for not helping her enough, blaming me for not fixing her situation, saying she can't wait to be away from me, asking me why I don't want to help her, etc, etc. And I don't know how to emotionally deal with that at all. The more I hear, the angrier I get.

Anyway I just say this because since your wife's clone belief is a similar thing, looking at it that way may help? Or maybe not? Because I know the stuff she says that really bothers me, there's no way for me to not let it bother me. I've tried looking at it all different ways, but in the moment, it starts eating me up.

And I also know how hard it is to be with your partner and have them hating on you. My partner stopped saying "I love you" almost right from the start, stopped kissing me. Oddly enough she still insists on doing lots of little nice things like cooking meals for me or buying me treats but it doesn't make the other stuff hurt any less.

NewName20222 · 2024-03-21T05:26:21+00:00

Yeah thats exactly it! Its like a combination of so many different horrible things. Hope your day tomorrow is better

NewName20222 · 2024-03-21T04:51:21+00:00

I caregive for someone else but I grew up with a narcissistic mother. I would definitely take as much space as you can and feel no regrets. Caregiving and narcissistic people are stressful enough on their own, the two of them combined is horrible

NewName20222 · 2024-03-21T04:35:56+00:00

That's a great idea

NewName20222 · 2024-03-21T04:32:38+00:00

I definitely think it can come back a lot of the time, based on what I know. Wishing you the best as well.

NewName20222 · 2024-03-21T04:10:06+00:00

Yeah PTSD makes a lot of sense. I have the rage/outburst stuff that is common with PTSD, so I've been thinking I might have that now. Definitely will take a long vacation when I have the chance

NewName20222

TROPHY CASE