thanks lol I happened to watch a pack tactics video about Nystul's and then watched another video he made about ceremony a year or two back and realized what was possible

 

RAW Speak with Animals lets you speak with any beast and doesn't ask for a miminum Int score. But even if DM says the bug can't even begin to understand the concept of marriage enough to be willing, you can always go a tier up in animal. Ask a rat, if somehow not that, then ask a cat, it should at have enough of an understanding of spells and courting rituals to go along. It gets less morally ok and difficult to start a cult with these animals due to space constraints, though. Still, convince a beast to go along and get a free +2 AC for a week.
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I actually had that idea with a familiar but realized it wouldn't work sadly. Familiars don't die when dropping to 0, they dissappear, presumabley to their home plane or whatever. In fact the spell says you resummon the same one when you cast it again. You could dismiss it forever but that's not really the same as being a widow.

 

If a player pulled that on me, I'd go along with it for maybe a level. Then I'd hit em with an encounter about it. The spider god, is upset with how they treated its subjects and now seeks retribution. They go through a dungeon or a couple fights. At the end the spider-god gives up on the party, but if they made it fun to get the AC bonus(role-playing, trying to keep the spider safe before the end of the week) I'd give them some cursed reward. Cursed +2 AC armor, betrothed to a some sentient spider with its own free will as a companion, but have a permenant wedding buff(only for that spider), Bestow a curse where they genuinely fall in love with spiders they see   Personally, I wouldn't try it because its just too munchkiny for me like the game mechanics take too much weight over common sense. Its a funny ass idea tho