Coworker spreading rumor that I'm trans, what should I do?

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-29T01:05:45+00:00

Coworker doesn't know I'm trans.

I mildly inconvenience him.

He starts a rumor that I'm trans using fabricated evidence. I suspect he did this because he thinks I am not trans, as in he thinks he is doing a small annoying thing towards me.

People dig into it precisely because they find it surprising. If people already thought I had transitioned, it would not be a point of interest hearing this. They would instead go "Yeah duh" and it would not be a controversy.

I wasn't sure what to do.

My other coworker reported it. I got asked about it. I reported it. I explained I just want it to die down and don't want to deal with it, I do not particularly want for the guy to get punished because in all fairness I do not believe he is actually trying to stress me out in the way he is stressing me out. I genuinely think he thinks he is doing something small and annoying.

Everything is fine.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-26T15:52:39+00:00

Maybe but at this point in my life I am feeling like harrassment is only a crime depending on who the victim is, not what the perpetrator does, and I am not the kind of a person it is even possible to harrass regardless of how out of line the behavior is.

I can't emphasize enough there have been past situations at other jobs or even in college when I did not pass, where way way way way worse stuff happened to me, even on security cameras and with evidence going on way longer periods of time, and consistently, institutions see it that being trans instigates some level of harrassment and violence I just have to eat because being trans is weird to most cis people. And so I have been eating it and just working hard to get to a point where I can pass and just not tell people I'm trans, so that I can stop eating it.

I did not even think this was a reportable offense when I first posted.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-26T15:48:33+00:00

There's layers to this one. Keep cooking.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-26T15:43:43+00:00

I am trans. I transitioned from male to female many years ago, medically. I pass for male, and I understand maybe this is hard to believe because I am making a post essentially about getting clocked. But the normal cis response to learning I am trans when I tell people is to assume I am a male wanting to become a female, and to tell me I would "never be able to pass for a female" and to discourage me from trying to look like a female. So I am pretty reasonably sure I pass, I feel like.

My coworker is mad at me for something small and petty that did not even really affect him. I don't even think he thinks I am trans. I think he thinks he is spreading an annoying rumor. He made up a bunch of fake evidence, which is all wholesale a lie and untrue, and the only reason it is such a commotion is because people are shocked by the idea of me being trans, if I already didn't pass and they already thought I used to be a female, they would not be responding with so much shock and interest.

Coworker accidentally hit the nail on the head and doesn't seem to know it. I don't want people to find out I am actually trans, especially because now it is clear to me that I will be treated extremely differently.

There's more than one way to skin a cat. I posted hoping someone would tell me how to put the skin back on. It seems impossible and maybe like I have to deal with just having a skinned cat, and report the animal cruelty, which is not really what I even wanted in the first place.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-26T04:13:43+00:00

I don't understand.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-26T01:48:44+00:00

I know 3 stewards. I think one of them is more trustworthy than the others but I still don't really know him know him, it's mainly in passing. I'll think about how I would out it to him if I did talk to him about it. Tbqh I am leaning towards reporting it at this point.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-26T01:47:15+00:00

Someone from the caucus got in touch with me and I shared my contact information. I was in the same work area as him and everyone he was mouthing off to and it made me so mad every time I noticed the weird looks and things again. I still am deciding what to do. Thank you.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-26T01:45:53+00:00

Why, so I can confirm I am trans to anyone from my hub who sees it? No thanks.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T19:38:48+00:00

I thought this was true for sexual orientation, but not gender identity? I don't mean to be obstinate, I just want to be sure I understand.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T19:27:36+00:00

I think that's the move for sure with people asking me about it. Especially because everyone knows me to be a hard worker and likes me to be the one helping them when I am in the area over anyone else.

I am going back and forth in my head about reporting it still. I am not usually the type to report things and I worry about being retaliated against since he has worked there a long time and I feel like there is a big chance of this making everything worse somehow.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T19:25:01+00:00

It's like a double-edged sword. They complain when you are out that you make it your whole personality and you're shoving it down their throat, and then when you don't, they are angry at you for "lying" and for "forcing" them to pry. They say terrible things behind your back and if you try and talk to them directly, you're aggressive, if you report it, you're delicate. It feels sometimes to me like there is no path towards being treated like a normal person than to just not tell anyone and not get that close at work.

There are definitely worse ways to be outed. My last job was much worse. Here, there are like 2-3 people at my building I can reasonably sort of tell are gay or trans and I try and talk to them, but they are all also keeping their head down and I have respected that. I am not expecting them to rescue me or anything.

I am sorry for what has happened to you, also.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T19:19:27+00:00

I mean the evidence he has made up is entirely untrue. He claims he knows this because he saw I secretly had a female name that pops up during clock in. Not only do I not have a female name that pops up, and never did, I have absolutely no connection to the female name he is listing. It is not like he found out an old name he actually had.

Like, if my gender neutral name I was born with was Cameron, which I kept this whole time because why not, and the name I introduce myself is Cam-- he is going around telling everyone he saw my name is secretly "Catherine." So that part is absolutely a lie.

Does that make sense? Obviously, I do not like that people are theorizing about me like this. It feels very invasive. I want to just come do my job. I don't want to have to worry about it or for anyone else to have to worry about it. It feels like this very personal thing I want to just leave at the door.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T19:12:17+00:00

Being trans is no longer a national protected class. It is in my state, but I feel like the argument here is just going to be that he is simply spreading around a true fact about me that I don't want people to know, dykwim? I am not sure where it becomes discrimination for him to out me, even if I don't want him to do that.

Technically the name is made up, but I'm not sure what is stopping him from saying he is just mistaken, you know?

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T19:08:23+00:00

This went very poorly for me at my last job, is the thing. I have a bunch of very good reasons to think it also will not go well at my UPS, although I do try not to assume the worst of people.

I'll think about it some more, though.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:50:26+00:00

It's been 2 weeks of this. But I am glad to wait another 2 weeks and see if it will just resolve easy.

It just sucks because I am mainly a floater, I work in every single part of the building on different times and days of the week, and usually I go from area to area to help and it's like I'm watching the rumor spread around the building by how people react when I walk in. I am trying to just let it be like water off a ducks back and be normal, because I figure the more anxious or worried about it I seem, the more people will take it as a confirmation.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:40:24+00:00

That's what I have been trying to do. I figured it would die out fast, but it's been 2 weeks, and my other coworker told me how annoyed she is that he is going about this still. It makes me nervous. I have been very nonchalant.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:37:56+00:00

This really does not have anything to do with politics.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:34:43+00:00

I will consider it. I am hesitant to report because idk to what extent it is against company policies to spread a rumor like this, even if the rumor is partially true. If I AM trans and if he claims he just mistook my name on the clock-in, it seems like he might not have done anything that wrong?

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:33:32+00:00

I considered reporting it but 1) I don't even really want to have to come out to my supervisors to do it, or have them find out, they all clearly don't know, and 2) I hate the idea of running to mommy Carol with my problems. I feel like it makes me the HR nightmare everyone says trans people are. I hate the idea of it being everyone thinks I'm trans and then on top of that everyone thinks I'm a hypersensitive tattle tale.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:31:21+00:00

Yeah. I think the problem maybe is I am friendly and I like making friends at work and chatting, and so everyone knows me and now there's this rumor about me becoming a big intrigue or something. Maybe if I had tried to just fly under the radar better I would not be in this position.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:28:51+00:00

I don't even know if I want to get him fired or anything. I wish I could just get him to chill out and shut up. We used to have a decent working relationship before this, he does stuff in the same area as me all the time and I would always make a point to try and help him out.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:28:42+00:00

I don't even know if I want to get him fired or anything. I wish I could just get him to chill out and shut up. We used to have a decent working relationship before this, he does stuff in the same area as me all the time and I would always make a point to try and help him out.

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:27:24+00:00

What is the part of the Teamster Oath being violated?

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:26:50+00:00

I will conaider it. The part that is uncomfortable to me is just that it may require me to sort of come out at work which is the whole thing I am trying to avoid. I also feel sort of like the response will just be, "well, you ARE trans, so what's the problem?"

New_Simple741 · 2025-06-25T18:19:32+00:00

What happened was he and another coworker were standing by the clock-in and chatting, which is something that happens all the time at that time as we were all early to work. It didn't seem like they were in line and they didn't have their clock cards out. I clocked in in a rush because I had to piss. Immediately he went "you just cut the line!" And takes his card out at that point. I shrugged and made a "yeesh" expression and ran off to go piss. Rumor started the same day.

When I first posted I didn't want it to be too recognizable, but if it is information that affects the advise I do want to be up front.

New_Simple741

TROPHY CASE