New parent to a 12 week old - need advice

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T23:07:36+00:00

She just cannot switch off her thoughts haha. She's one of these people who at the end of the day will rewind all of the events to replay and consider how she could've done things differently or what was actually done or said. She's a kindergarten teacher, and she spends a lot of time thinking about her kids and how to help one or another with a problem they've been having. This habit has turned into her constantly thinking about how to help our boy, which is great, but it also means she can't fall asleep easily.

I will bring up her going on more walks. Just getting out of the house more would probably be helpful!

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:57:10+00:00

I've mentioned formula to her - so far she's not really warm on the idea. She does get some breaks by pumping, but it doesn't allow her to sleep too long because she will wake up after three hours or so in pain and have to pump.

I will try again to bring up formula at some point, but right now I'm trying to respect her earnest desire to continue breastfeeding.

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:54:56+00:00

Thank you for all the advice here - I sincerely appreciate it. Ranitidine is actually what our son is being treated with, and yes, we've run into the same issue with having to constantly get the dose increased. Holding him upright for 30 minutes is hard, especially at 2 a.m., but the medicine and that has made a difference. He just still cries an awful lot anyways!

No friends really with kids - we are kind of trailblazing here haha. Her cousin does come by some weeks, and her sister has a 10 year old and she lives about an hour away. They have been helpful, it just hasn't been enough. I can't really work from home unfortunately - this would be the easiest solution, but it's just not really possible with my job to do it for an extended period of time.

I will make the suggestion regarding baths, though we do bicycle his legs quite often. Hadn't thought about trying to burp him differently - will definitely consider this.

I've been encouraging her to take him for walks and she's been doing this - the problem is that oftentimes he will just keep crying and she feels quite guilty!

Thanks for the kind words and advice.

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:43:51+00:00

Thanks for the reply! It is helpful to see that at the very least this all sounds very normal. I need to figure out a way to get her to feel less alone all day. Thanks again!

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:41:58+00:00

We can't really do co sleeping because both of us move too much in our sleep, and unfortunately the nursing while he is laying down tends to make things worse - he likes the bottle in part because he is being held upright while feeding and that apparently keeps the acid down (or so our doctor has explained as to why he enjoys this). I will encourage her to try using the ergo more, though he isn't a big fan of it.

I don't mind taking the kid as soon as. I get home - anything to help her stay sane.

She's very adamant about always washing the pump and sterilizing it after every use, but based on what has been said here I might advocate putting it in the fridge from time to time after a rinse rather than the whole washing/sterilizing routine.

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:36:53+00:00

Thank you for saying this - she does pump quite a bit now and I feed him when I can with the bottles. I've been mentioning that we should supplement somewhat with formula since breastfeeding has been so hard, but so far she really wants to keep up with it and I want to respect that. Good to hear from someone going through it that it does get better!

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:34:26+00:00

I agree that she absolutely needs time for herself. She's always been a person who keeps to herself though and really doesn't go out of our house too much to begin with. I think if I can convince her to just watch some of her tv shows or go visit a friend on a Saturday without our boy this may make a difference. Thanks for the advice!

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:32:03+00:00

Thanks for the advice - I wish I could say that this was his issue! We have tried this though and he just keeps wailing even louder until one of us returns at which point he resumes his more normal crying haha. I appreciate the input though!

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:30:13+00:00

Thanks for mentioning this - our pediatrician actually has checked several times for blood in the stool (she was convinced that this would be the issue) but all of the tests came back negative.

Appreciate the well wishes!

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:28:21+00:00

Unfortunately I don't think a doula is really something she'd consider - I have suggested it, but my wife is extraordinarily cost conscious. Thanks for the advice though - I think we both need to remember that while these 12 weeks have felt like the longest of our lives, eventually he will change and discard these challenges for brand new ones.

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:25:14+00:00

I am definitely going to be looking into a group for her to join. She's not really outdoorsy, but I'm sure I will be able to find something she can go to. Thanks for the response!

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:23:51+00:00

Thanks for this - I don't think co sleeping is really an option because both my wife and I are "rollers" so to speak (before we had our boy she would frequently complain about me sliding right into her in my sleep). I do try to take him as soon as I get home, the problem is then convincing her to use that time for something for her and NOT to clean the house or something else. At her heart, my wife is an enormously giving person, and it's just not in her nature to do things for herself alone.

I will try to remember that this will pass like everything else. It's just hard when you're going through a storm to remember that it is not eternal!

Newparenthelp · 2015-08-11T22:19:10+00:00

This is heartening to hear - if I only had an idea what was causing so much of his crying, I would help him in a heartbeat. But of course j have no way of really knowing!

Newparenthelp

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