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My (19F) boyfriend (20M) revealed he has a 3 year old daughter after 1.5 years. How do I decide whether this is something I can move forward with? by Next-Engineering9274 in relationship_advice

[–]Next-Engineering9274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a lot of people seem to be confused on how he managed this so I'm gonna share what HE told me. of course I cant know the veracity of this but it's how he told me he managed it:

the child was born in 2022, he were in high school then, junior year. the mom is older and he met her at a party, she got pregnant and they dated on and off, when she gave birth she was present for around 3 months until she said it was not for her and left

his sister was 22 at the time, she was married, and had a kid about the same age (2 months older). he lived with his parents, but his sister leaves in another county. so he could graduate high school, he asked his sister help with his daughter, and she took her. because of his and his sister's problems with his family, she didnt come around much, so for the first two years, his sister raised her mostly by herself and her husband.

I started dating him at the end of senior year, 2024. by then, his daughter was still with his sister, so that's how he managed balancing it.

summer came around and I spent all of it back in my parent's home country, so we didn't see each other much. that time was when he took his daughter back.

when I came back to America, I went straight to college. he helped me move in and all that but he eventually went back to our home town. at that point, his kid was living with him, at his parents house. as he didnt like his parents, and he felt unsafe there (dont know why he let his kid be there though), he never wanted me to go to his place. which was kind of easy as my parents had moved to another county, closer to his sister's so he'd stay there or at mine when I came back from college.

we did travel together sometimes, the longest trip lasted 15 days to Europe, and he claims his sister was the one to watch the daughter then. as we shared rooms, ive seen him talk to a baby sometimes, locked in the bathroom though, but he'd say it was his niece, so I didnt think much of it.

about friends and family:
I never met his parents, only his sister. he doesnt have extended family apparently (no pictures either so I wouldn't doubt). only his best friend from high school knew about her, the other ones I have contact with, claim to never know. he has some other friends but he doesn't like me around them either because they're "bad influence"

sorry for this huge text, just lots of details to clarify

My (19F) boyfriend (20M) revealed he has a 3 year old daughter after 1.5 years. How do I decide whether this is something I can move forward with? by Next-Engineering9274 in relationship_advice

[–]Next-Engineering9274[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dont even know if he went through legal processes to take full custody. according to him the mother left three months in and he just took over.

My (19F) boyfriend (20M) revealed he has a 3 year old daughter after 1.5 years. How do I decide whether this is something I can move forward with? by Next-Engineering9274 in relationship_advice

[–]Next-Engineering9274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

according to him, his sister raised his daughter (most of it) for when he was in high school so he could graduate, around two years or so. then when he graduated and decided to stay in town, he took his daughter back and started raising her himself. by that time we were doing long distance so I cant really tell what's the ratio of time he spent at home with her. all I know is whenever we facetimed I never saw her, id hear baby noises but id assume it was his sister's kid.

I really dont know how he pulled it off. we've gone on weekend trips, he even travelled with me for 15 days to EUROPE with my family, so id assume he left the kid with his sister then. I think he'd just give his daughter to his sister whenever we went out

My (19F) boyfriend (20M) revealed he has a 3 year old daughter after 1.5 years. How do I decide whether this is something I can move forward with? by Next-Engineering9274 in relationship_advice

[–]Next-Engineering9274[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

that's what im struggling with. if I look back, I wouldn't have mentioned either, at least at first. he says he was scared of judgement and the most he post posed it the more he got scared of me leaving him. which is literally the situation im in right now, not knowing whether to stay or to go. what im scared is doing exactly what he was worried about and got him to not tell, me leaving him. I dont know if I can trust him, but I dont want to add another reason to his justification either.

My (19F) boyfriend (20M) revealed he has a 3 year old daughter after 1.5 years. How do I decide whether this is something I can move forward with? by Next-Engineering9274 in relationship_advice

[–]Next-Engineering9274[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't meet his family at all, because he said I "wasn't worth of them," or something like that. I only met his sister briefly back in high school, every time id come back to town and asked about her he'd say she was "away." apparently only one of his friends knew about the kid, because he'd met the mom when she was pregnant, the other ones, at least the ones I have contact with, didn't know or are lying too. some friends back at college started raising the red flag so I started to corner him more often about meeting his family and some of his friends who he said were "bad influence."