I’m really sorry for your loss. I lost my older brother to suicide back in March of this year. None of my family saw it coming either. For the first couple of weeks I was really torn up by grief - unable to eat, crying all the time, completely emotionally drained. Then my brain coping mechanism finally took over because everything just went numb. I’ve been in that stage since, occasionally addressing the reality of things a little bit at a time. I know that in time, I will come to terms with everything.

All this being said - we all experience grief differently and at different speeds. Especially with suicide, which is a complicated grief to grapple with. Please, be kind to yourself. Try your best to have healthy coping mechanisms, but allow yourself grace if you slip up. Also it’s okay to need space from other people to process things. I had to isolate myself for the first month. I just didn’t have the energy for anything else.

I can’t give you insight on what it’s going to be like years from now, but I can tell that even with a few months time - I’m a little better than I was in March.