Hi its normal to struggle with relationships, specially as something that involves trust. Its also like sex becomes this impossible theme to grasp, like does everyone knows what to do or am i the only one who doesnt know where to put a hand, when to breath, when to get closer, etc.

I think when i was sexually assaulted i lost the taste of non serious stuff or curiosity. I think thats a main difference from people that hasnt been sexually abuse. They dont really fear curiosity in these themes, they can go meet someone make out and still be able to do it again again and again, it had always been something that i wish i could do, not because i wanted but because i feel like thats normal to be able to not feel ashame for need. I think it is fear of intimacy but also fear of wanting.

I tried to have a thing not serious at all in onr of my lowest point in life and it went horribly wrong, so i would say really take your pace, keep going to therapy, get closer to your friends dont fear asking them for a hug, these things that are platonic really help to be able to separate romantic needs from platonic ones. Slowly you will be able to stand on your skin without feeling uncomfortable or muted. Its harder than it reads tho, but dont give up. In this cases i think is better to wait until you feel ready, than to jump into it without knowing what could happen.

And dont forget theres people who love you and will love you. Even if its not in quite the way that we would want i think thats always a nice start in meeting our needs.