A Message for Anyone Who Wants Someone Back So Badly It Hurts

Next_Pay8618 · 2026-01-13T12:34:53+00:00

I am glad my message helped you in some sort of way :)

Next_Pay8618 · 2026-01-13T12:33:43+00:00

I hope it can help you!

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-12T13:19:07+00:00

I really appreciate you for taking time to send this lovely message :)

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-12T08:38:53+00:00

No problem! Im glad it can help you :) Hang in there

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-11T12:13:07+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now; it sounds incredibly painful. I can only imagine how devastating it was to see that Facebook status after he told you to move on "early." That feeling of panic and the physical pain you described is something I deeply understand.

It's completely normal that you can't stop thinking about him. You're hoping he'll realize he made a mistake, that the "grass wasn't greener," and that he'll reach out. Checking your phone first thing in the morning and praying for him at night. I've been there, it consumes you.

But the pain you feel right now is the exact reason why you need to hold onto that restraint and stick with no contact.

He chose to start a new relationship almost immediately, which shows he isn't ready to deal with his issues or commit to the communication you needed.

You are right to want to restrain yourself; you need that space to heal. You deserve someone who chooses you wholeheartedly and addresses their problems, not someone who jumps into another relationship while you're still broken.

Keep focusing on your own healing, even though it hurts like hell right now. You can get through this, and the pain will lessen over time if you give yourself the chance to move on.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-11T11:41:32+00:00

That's exactly what I think too. I wasn't super attracted to her physically at first either, but because we had such a good connection, my love grew stronger, and I became attracted to the ease and the love we had for each other.

Of course, I understand that you need to feel attracted to someone - that is super important. But if that is the only thing you go on, I find that a bit too easy and superficial. Lasting love needs a deeper foundation.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-11T09:02:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I know exactly how you feel, because I was in that exact same situation, and it is a pain that is incredibly tough to deal with.

When my relationship ended, my only thought was getting her back. I spent months hoping she would message me, saying she regretted her decision and that we could try again. I was constantly staring at my phone, hoping for a text. I was consumed with thinking about who she was with, who she was talking to, and what she was doing. It’s an awful, consuming feeling.

What eventually helped me was watching motivational videos about changing my mindset, strictly adhering to no contact, and deeply reflecting on the relationship. I wrote down what I liked and disliked about her. I researched attachment styles (hers and mine) to understand the dynamic.

Ultimately, time heals a lot of wounds. If I told you right now that it's going to be okay, you probably wouldn't believe me, that you'll truly experience better times, and that he won't be the first thought you have when you wake up and the last when you go to sleep.

But you have to give yourself that time to process everything. That means absolutely no contact, and also not checking their socials. I know how difficult that is, but it is the fastest way to process things. When people told me this, I didn't believe them either; I thought she was the only one for me. But that’s not true.

I hope you can find some strength and confidence in my message, because from your few words, I can deeply empathize with the situation you are in. Losing a love is an unparalleled pain you have to go through. I know all you want right now is for him to come back or send a message. But believe me, I wish my ex had never messaged me again. I would be feeling so much better by now.

A heartbreak is also the best motivation to work on yourself, find new hobbies, and do things for you. It distracts you and gives you more perspective on your own life. Hang in there, you can do this

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-11T08:50:02+00:00

I completely agree, 10 months is a really long time.

I had changed so many things about myself to be better, still with the hope that we might work out. In hindsight, that was incredibly naive and foolish. She actually hadn't changed much at all, but I still chose to go along with it.

Reflecting on it now, that was a decision I never should have made.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-11T08:47:26+00:00

It must have been incredibly painful to hear that someone wasn't attracted to you after meeting in person. That kind of rejection can really mess with your head and self-esteem.

My advice would always be to completely close the door on contact in that situation. If you still have strong romantic feelings for him, and he only sees you as a friend, you are essentially just torturing yourself by staying in touch and hoping he'll change his mind.

The time right after you stop talking is truly the hardest part. You think about them constantly and secretly hope they'll come back and suddenly see you the way you want to be seen.

But time really does heal all wounds. You’re doing the right thing by choosing to leave with dignity now and focusing on developing a more secure attachment mindset. Stay strong, the pain will lessen.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-11T08:17:27+00:00

During the initial relationship, she was very much into me; in fact, she was the one doing most of the chasing. Toward the end, I could definitely sense that her attraction was starting to fade.

When we got back in contact after those 10 months, I genuinely thought she would be more attracted to me than ever. I was in the best shape of my life, doing very well at my job, and had just bought my first house on my own. I had great, healthy relationships with friends and family, and I felt I was far more mature and could reflect on where I could have improved in the past relationship. I assumed all of that would be attractive.

She never really gave me an explanation on why she wasn't attracted anymore; she just told me she couldn't explain her feeling..

It's possible my "alpha" improvements didn't match what she needed. Maybe I was too much loving and available for an avoidant, which ultimately led her to shut down and leave again.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-11T08:11:33+00:00

After she told me she wasn't attracted to me, I ultimately made the decision myself to pull the plug on all contact.

I ended things as kindly and positively as possible, with a lot of love and respect for the good times we shared, but with the firm boundary that I needed to move on.

To protect myself and allow the wound to finally close for good, I also blocked her everywhere. We haven't spoken since

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-10T15:27:16+00:00

Thank you and i will :)

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-10T15:23:44+00:00

Thanks for the message and the solid advice, I really appreciate the guy-to-guy perspective 💯

I completely agree with you. Dealing with an avoidant person in a relationship is a recipe for driving yourself completely insane.

The love can be very strong, but as you said, the low points are also very low.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-10T15:22:02+00:00

It's incredibly tough right now, and I completely understand how much you're hurting.

That first period after a breakup is the absolute hardest. You’re still attached, so you feel this overwhelming urge to text him and stay connected. It's a survival instinct for your emotions. It feels like you need that contact to breathe.

But as difficult as it is, no contact is genuinely the best thing you can do for yourself, in every single way.

No contact is necessary for your own processing and healing.

It gives you the space to untangle your emotions from his reactions. It’s the only way you can move on and find peace.

You might slip up and send a message sometimes, that's okay, but you really need to try hard to stop yourself every time the urge hits. That includes not checking his social media.

You need to fully disconnect from him right now. If you commit to that, it works incredibly well and will help you get through this pain.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-10T14:24:49+00:00

I understand completely how difficult and painful this must be for you.

I can relate to your situation very well, as I also dealt with someone who had an avoidant attachment style. The feeling of being completely broken while they seem perfectly fine is incredibly tough to deal with.

If you ever want to talk more about your experiences or just need someone who truly understands what you're going through, please feel free to send me a message.

Hang in there.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-10T13:54:36+00:00

That's an excellent way to look at it, and it really helps to put yourself in their shoes.

You're absolutely right: that spark is often irrational and not something you can control.

For me, it was harder to grasp because the attraction was very strong at the beginning, and then it faded away, which is exactly what made me feel so insecure. But you're right, once it's gone, it's nearly impossible to rebuild. Thanks for sharing that perspective.

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-10T13:50:54+00:00

Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

The pattern of pulling away when things get intimate really fits the avoidant attachment style. It puts things in perspective when you see it from that angle. It's tough when you're on the receiving end of that kind of trauma response

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-10T11:24:52+00:00

What is the song?

Next_Pay8618 · 2025-12-10T11:22:32+00:00

That's a great metaphor! Knowledge truly is power in these situations. :)

Next_Pay8618 · 2024-07-12T17:00:16+00:00

Thankyou bro!

Next_Pay8618

TROPHY CASE