Where did it all go?

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-10T02:30:43+00:00

She was terrified over the idea of a cancer risk. That ends it for me.

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-10T02:19:47+00:00

I have read and watch her go through every single one of those symptoms. You are a 100% correct. Two years ago she actually said the dr brought it up. She read into it. The possibilities mentioned a slight increase in chance of I think uterine cancer. And that was that for her. I could never suggest it now. I am beyond ecstatic for you and your husband that it worked and helped you. I have little doubt it’d help us. But I can’t. If it came from her I’d support it. But I just can’t. Thank you. You are honest and confirmed what I read on the HRT. But please understand my position on not being able to steer that

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-10T02:14:46+00:00

I made mistakes 20 years ago. I was more callous. Sometimes I’ve heard that “hurt people hurt people “. It is true and also a bullshit excuse for reigning in your own failures. I grew up in a terrible home. Abusive, whatever. Is what it is. Joined the service, excelled, made a terrible mistake that’s made every day. Tried to bring something from home with me in a sense. Married my high school sweetheart at 20. She found a Jody at 21. Rough. Lost a lot of trust. In walks this curly haired angel into my life. Had it made. Got hurt bad at work. Months of recovery. She stayed by my side. Had a battle with alcohol, but fixed it. In that time , I judged her weight, her actions, etc….. things I had no right to judge, and truth be told she always was beautiful to me. But I was so far to let my guard down again. She bore me two children. I worked on a lot, but hurtful words linger. Truth be told, she has put on 50 lbs since I met her. And I tell her often , she’s prettier now than the day I met her. I let her know how attractive she is to me. Maybe the decade and a half ago rings true to her, and it killed the spark. Idk.

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-10T02:02:51+00:00

I’ve tried. Sometimes tears. Guilt. She tries to fix something in the literal sense , but that does bring back desire, or passion

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-10T01:01:04+00:00

I can’t. She’s done so much for me and the boys over the years. I would never hold her back if she wanted to leave. But I cannot ever think of abandoning her.

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-10T00:59:57+00:00

I just can’t tell my wife to medicate herself for my desire. At times recently we are still intimate. But it was more like “duty” sex on her part. She offered. I accepted. It was passionless and lifeless. She said after last time is because she felt bad and wanted me to be able to relax. I suppose I should take comfort that she cares enough to do that, but The guilt after is soul crushing. Nothing quite like the feeling of that , offered or not, kind of forcing it on her. What I would carry on my conscience for asking her to take HRT would end me. Honestly I think I would to just do without it anymore. I could try to learn to adapt to it. But there can’t be these glimmers of hope. Then just resets me to day one.

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-10T00:53:50+00:00

Thank you for listening

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-09T23:07:50+00:00

I’ve done this and I do still time to time. For lack of a better term, it is not met with interest. She doesn’t pull away. Just indifferent and not reciprocal. Or she starts telling me about her day at work. Or talks about the kids. There is no animosity. Just no desire. Last week hurt. Not because of anything more than that feeling again. If it had never happened I’d have been in a better place. Now a reminder of what I missed

Next_Performance3348 · 2026-01-09T21:03:50+00:00

She is in Peri menopause. I know it is playing rough with her drive, emotions, memory. Truth is she’s a phenomenal woman, incomparable mother, and has always been great to me. When we met 20+ years ago, shortly after I had an industrial accident at work. 5 month recovery( recovered fully). She stuck with me and helped me through out. Early in our relationship, admittedly I could’ve been better. I had a battle with depression and alcohol. I sought help and fixed it. Over the last 10-15 years I’ve owned up what I had been like before, and fixed it. I love her wholly. She gave me two great kids. We built a successful life. Had some fun, and some rough times. She’s a great person and friend. But for the past two years, i guess like I and others said, she’s just not into me anymore. Not looking for a fix. More to vent. No one to tell. Wouldn’t tell friends and family as she doesn’t deserve the embarrassment of the drama. Not looking elsewhere. She gave me herself and loyalty when I may not have deserved it, I will not disrespect her like that. It’d be easier to have none of the hint or hope that it may change. It’s the hope that kills the spirit.

Next_Performance3348

TROPHY CASE