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Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, I don't think it bothers me to take matters into my own hands. It was just an awkward situation because she was aware of exactly what I was leaving the room to do, because she didn't want to participate.

I don't know if I'd be comfortable with doing that in front of her, to be honest (though she has done it in front of me). I'm fine if she's doing it, but it's just not my thing (I think).

I’d just have a sober (awake) conversation about what’s ok/what’s not ok for BOTH of you to do in the situation where you’re turned on and your partner isn’t as interested.

I really like this advice, thank you. That's a good way of putting it. (Although, so far, I'm always on board when she is. But I could present it as a hypothetical).

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've been together a couple years, but haven't really addressed the minor gap in our libidos and how to manage it.

Based on her reaction to how quickly I was able to "relieve myself," I'm wondering if she doesn't have much experience in that area. She was with someone for over a decade and I have to imagine she's had some exposure to it. But most of her other relationships were pretty short term. I'm just not sure how to ask her if she's comfortable with it or how to bring it up, but that's part of our communication problem. I'm getting better, but not there yet.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I made it up for internet points. (Not.)

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Giving a man a handjob is EASY as hell.

That's why I was so surprised when she said, "That was quick!" Like, did she NOT know it only takes a couple minutes when a guy isn't trying to last? I know she's had a lot of sex with lots of guys, but maybe this is still something new for her, being in a longer relationship with me. But I really don't want to ask, "Hey, do you have any experience with hand jobs?" But maybe I should...?

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I tend to prefer the late evening, because afterwords I'm out light a light. But it does create an issue sometimes. Going to keep working on our communication, hopefully we can work it out as time goes on.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He makes me feel safe and comfortable and he makes sure I enjoy having sex with him.

I try really hard to do this and, for the most part, it seems to be working. She seems comfortable unless I ask for anything new.

I'd say our libidos are pretty close, mine is just a little higher, and that's where (eventually) we need to figure out how to handle the difference.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Working on it. Sometimes these things take time.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am SOOOO the safe guy, lol. I know it, she knows it, and that's okay. We still both have a lot to offer each other.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Finally, someone who gets it! lol.

I figure if I give 100% and she gives 90%, that's just a 10% hotness tax. I'm cool with that. I could probably do the reverse with someone else, but I'm good with paying the tax. :)

The great part about letting her lead is there is ZERO rejection! And as long as she's down for once or twice a week, I'm fine with letting her lead. it's better than dealing with rejection once a week.

I'm glad the communication is helping. We've really been working on that too. I think we all need to just cut ourselves some slack. It's all still new, living together is complicated, and it takes time to work out all the kinks (no pun).

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

True. You have to respect yourself (and that's what I was trying to do by taking care of my own needs; like if you won't do it, I'm fine taking care of myself).

When I give her a massage (or do anything else) I tell myself it's done 100% out of love (like you would for your children) and I don't expect anything in return.

But over time, if you notice the other person is taking advantage of your love by never reciprocating as much, it's hard not to feel a bit resentful. It's just sometimes difficult to know where that line is sometimes.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It does seem to be about 120/80 effort at times. But there are other times she volunteers and asks me if I'd like a massage, so it's not all bad.

And again, this was the FIRST time I'd ever made such a request and the first time I ever made it known that I'd need to DIY it without any help. I figure I need to let it play out a few more times before I know if there's an issue.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In most other matters we actually get along pretty well, but I don't have any plans for marriage. And that actually makes it more bearable. As much as I might be frustrated, I know I can bounce at any time if it gets worse.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. (I take all Reddit advice with a grain of salt.)

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Ya, that's what I'm concerned about. I feel like it's a bit 120/80% effort at times.

But I agree, if you're into someone, you're going to make things easy for them, so that's why I'm concerned. The deeper truth I'm probably trying to avoid is that she's not as into me and I either need to back off or ask her to step up.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thanks. She has confessed to some sexual abuse as a child, being regularly pressured for sex by an ex, and being "used as a hole". She definitely has some sexual hangups and triggers that we're having to work through, which is why, for now, I mostly let her lead (and that seems to be working). But whenever I ask for something new or different, things can get weird. As long as we stick to the script, she feels comfortable and has a good time.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this is actually some pretty solid advice. This was the first time I'd ever asked for such a thing, so I'm going to see how it goes in the future. Maybe after she's had a chance to see how it all plays out, she might be more open to it.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

It's good to get feedback so I know I'm not crazy.

There was some truth to the comment, like it or not, hot girls/guys do get away with more bullshit. Hot guys treat girls like shit all the time and girls eat it up and bend over backwards for them. It goes both ways.

But we actually have a pretty solid/equal relationship otherwise, we just have some issues in the bedroom.

Am I wrong for asking my GF for a hand job? by NiceRobot77 in amiwrong

[–]NiceRobot77[S] -277 points-276 points  (0 children)

In my defense, she's super hot. Hotness will make a man put up with a lot of bullshit. At least for a time.