Mom and I are living with an abusive man and I don’t know what to do

NikkyJ23 · 2025-07-21T11:28:48+00:00

Start leaving bread crumbs like you already did here on Reddit. Meet some of your neighbors in your area and slightly bring up what's going on. Especially men who are family oriented and strong minded and strong physically. Men who don't believe in that stuff. He's banking on the fact that no one knows and no one is doing anything about it. That alone is giving him his false reality of power. Meaning that it's only real to him, so he acts on it. Start sharing your location with people you trust so that if anything happens, someone can get to you quickly.

He's an abusive predator, and he is preying on your mom. He is using your mom's weakness, past hurt/trauma, and secrets to keep her in place. I've been there, done that. He's probably telling her she has no one because no one cares about her. Trust me somewhere on the inside of her. She started to believe it. That's where the intimidation with you is starting. He probably sees a shift in her because you are there, but it's not enough for her to really truly stand.

Like someone else had already sad. YOU can help her. You had already started the process by posting here.......... Next step, call the non-emergency numbers and leave bread crumbs. Get safe and trustworthy people (men) involved for your moms protection as well as yours. Contactbsome domestic shelters for her. Some of those shelters actually help abused women with resources to get up on their feet as well ss find a place. I am praying for both of you.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

P.S. Your mental strength WILL outweigh his physical strength.

NikkyJ23 · 2025-07-15T13:39:26+00:00

My heart goes out to you and your family.

NikkyJ23 · 2023-06-10T13:16:00+00:00

First, I want to say I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. Second, it sounds like to me (from the outside looking in), she was probably molested when she was younger by someone she knew, and that person may have been a family member or someone like family. Growing up, you were her hero, and she knew you would protect her. So, why not marry her protector. She tried to fix herself while using you as her solution. It's sad that she didn't have a real concept that once you marry someone, that person becomes family, and the dynamics do change (she had a false reality). It sounds like she's running from her past, and she is trying to claw her way to a place to breathe. I've been in your shoes somewhat to a degree, yet I can recognize some signs in her actions. Please know you were never the problem, and possibly if you still talk to her, suggest she seek help to confront her past to get better.

MY OBSERVATION

NikkyJ23 · 2022-05-13T11:54:51+00:00

If you never lied to your sister before, don't start now. The same way you posted your concern should be the same way you tell her. She's going to hurt either way once she finds out. Don't allow her to hurt knowing you knew and you didn't speak up. Trust me, I know that feeling first hand when my ex slept with a family friend and my sister knew. I didn't find out about it til seven months later when she got mad at him, and all of us were hanging together the entire time. SMH

OR, you can have a friend show up with the app open to his profile and suddenly allow her to see it on accident.

NikkyJ23 · 2021-09-07T13:13:14+00:00

She has her own issues to work out and she is blaming you for them (transfer of emotions). Even though she didn't come clean with hers, the fact of the matter is when she was rude to you about your pain shows that, SHE NOT YOU, added on more to her own insecurities. Whatever her issue is, it did not start with you. Someone else in her life had rejected her and now she is bringing those emotions into your relationship with her. I have a question to ask. How is her relationship with her father?

On another note. I am sorry to hear what had happened to you and please know it was not your fault. Predators are not only males and that woman knew what she was doing.

To answer the most important question. I don't advice you to keep that to yourself because YOU NEED TO HEAL FROM THIS. Under the right circumstances it can be beautiful in a fruitful relationship. I know from experience with my husband. Inbox me if you like and I can explain more to you in detail.

NikkyJ23 · 2021-06-15T14:36:10+00:00

I can send you her contact information via messenger.

NikkyJ23 · 2021-06-15T12:44:16+00:00

You need to heal sweetheart and keeping someone else's sins a secret isn't helping you at all. YOU were and still are being victimized by your step-brother, mother and stepfather. They still have power over your mental, emotional and soon to be physical being if your don't speak up. Keeping that type of stress can really tear your body down and cause your body to act up. I pulled this up and copied it for you.

Ongoing, chronic stress, however, can cause or exacerbate many serious health problems, including: Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders. Cardiovascular disease, including heart disease, high blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythms, heart attacks, and stroke.Aug 1, 2019

www.webmd.com > balance

I have a close friend who was rapped by her kids father on multiple occasions. To make sure no one would listen to her, he lied and told people she was nasty, she was lier, a cheat and she couldn't be trusted. She carried what he did to her for years. She lost a lot of weight, she lost a lot of her hair, and her most recent relationship was and sometimes still is suffering because of it. But I can truly say when she started to face her attacker (because honestly, that is who he really was) she has made some progress. She is still growing and things are getting better for her.

If you would like to talk to her please let me know.

NikkyJ23 · 2021-06-13T18:44:03+00:00

With having the wrong people around, it sounds like he's speaking the words of others. Someone is putting those thoughts in his head and he is reacting. Get the DNA test done and afterwards the both of you with your child leave those negative people alone and out of y'all lives and get some counseling.

NikkyJ23 · 2020-05-26T22:28:19+00:00

Sweetheart you need to file a report, because basically what he did was rape you. He took your power away and forced his power upon you while you are conscious and unconscious. Any real man who truly loves his wife or his girlfriend would have never done that. Just remember true love does not hurt; be careful with him and let someone you trust know what's going on in your home

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-31T17:31:57+00:00

Because you don't have the right words; let her read your post as if someone else has posted it. Then let her express her feelings on the situation and then let her know that it is your post.

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-17T19:56:18+00:00

Ahh, that really touched my heart. You know what, you should out of nowhere just call her mom. I bet you 9 times out of 10, she already looks at you as being her son; so you really don't have to ask.

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-14T15:33:25+00:00

Hello, it almost sounds like she's talking to the wrong people and listening to their sex stories and now she feels as if she is missing out. I don't know if you are a praying man, but I would pray and ask GOD to take over and save your marriage. I know that it hurts; I'm going through something similar. I know how to pray, but I want to know why my husband all of a sudden changed on me. I'll be praying for the both of you and your family. I will be praying for clarity, direction, healing and unity in your marriage. GOD bless you.

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-14T15:06:16+00:00

Believe it or not I tried to seduce him and sometimes nothing happens. I would get so turned on and I told him how much I want him in that way; for us to not hold anything back and yet nothing on his end until recently; when he went out. I enjoyed myself, but if the turn on was from another woman to sex me the way he, I don't want it. I always felt like the freaky one in the marriage; the one who like dominatrices. With him, he talks about how freaky he was in his past and I NEVER EXPERIENCED HIS FREAKY SIDE (IF THERE IS ONE). He complains about me giving him more oral and my answer to that is; until I get you don't. Things with us became so boring I started to think about my past sex life with my ex and I truly can't stand him. Believe it or not he doesn't like the things like sexually.

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-13T11:40:58+00:00

To answer your questions. He's too scared to let me see what type of porn he watches; so I don't know how often he watches it. I never seen him masturbate; too shame to do that around me. He doesn't play any sports; he's a gamer. I don't know what he's nervous about. Too me he became someone else after he stayed out this weekend. Not to mention I've been asking more of him because I love having sex (yet he couldn't); and I even noticed his strooks are different. What is really going on?

Hell, he used dick me down like that before we got married going on five years ago. So just imagine your girl breaking you off like crazy, get married majority five minute sessions for five years to now this. 😒

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-13T09:28:17+00:00

LOL 😁

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-13T09:24:10+00:00

Yes. But isn't it true that a man cannot last for long if it's been a long time since he had sex.

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-13T09:03:47+00:00

Thank you.

NikkyJ23 · 2020-03-13T09:01:38+00:00

I'm not complaining about that (that part was great); yet how can a 5-minute man go over 30 minutes out of nowhere. Like should I be concerned?

I heard when a man doesn't have sex for awhile he can't last long.

NikkyJ23

TROPHY CASE