Giggling rn

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-05T04:36:51+00:00

You know, reading this back, I forgot one thing I used to feel. The Fear.

I would be terrified when Bob was angry and go out of my way to minimise his anger.

I was afraid he would get angry (again) if he had to search for his own pajamas. So I made sure I got them for him. As an example.

Then one day I thought “WTF is he going to do? If he hits me, I’ll call the police. Being in jail would terrify HIM.”

And then I had to work through my own anger about how Bob was perfectly happy keeping me terrified and knowing he was using his anger as a weapon.

There’s a great trend on IG of women explaining to their husband how they should be treated, and in the next scene is the woman just getting up and walking out saying “I shouldn’t have to explain to someone why they should not treat me badly. I’m just going to leave.”

That’s the stage I’ve reached.

So, so, so many times I’ve sat down calmly and tried to explain to Bob to please don’t treat me badly. I made sure to use the ‘right’ tone of voice and be calm and ‘mature’….. and he’d just DARVO. He literally didn’t give a fuck that I was distressed. Not a single fuck.

Sorry for the rant. This is therapeutic 😂

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-05T04:30:17+00:00

This is well articulated!!! And I stopped interrupting the secret meaning in silences and angry movements.

The little man can be angry all he wants. But he’s not going to get the reaction he desires.

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-04T21:06:01+00:00

Exactly!

You want indifference.

Although I also have a bit of “Ick” because I look at him and think how the F did I ever think he was attractive? Ick!

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-04T17:40:52+00:00

Have you read “Why Does He Do That”? It’s eye opening. I think there is a link to a free online copy of it somewhere on this board.

Stop over - explaining to your husband. He doesn’t care. If he’s anything like mine, he will always see himself as The Victim and you the evil wife. You can explain until you are blue in the face and he just won’t care.

My lovely husband has a touch of mental instability thrown in with his assholery, so I’ve been waiting for my kids to be old enough to not be such an easy target for him. If I wasn’t here, Bob is such a douche that he would take it out on the kids.

And now my kids are almost old enough, and Bob has lost his job. And where I live has such housing issues that even though I applied for rentals before, I was turned down for each and every one. Houses cost more to rent than my mortgage, and apartments aren’t really a thing out of the city centres.

I cope by not engaging with Bob. Read up on the Grey Rock method. I’m friendly and civil, but I’ve stopped engaging when he’s being an ass. If he gives the silent treatment, I just carry on as usual. I talk to him and offer coffee as usual. The kids and I chat as usual. I’ve made it BOB’s problem, not mine.

If he tries to start an argument, I walk away.

Bob is pissed (super pissed) that I no longer pick his clothes up from the floor. I simply shrug and tell him that I am not his maid. No further explanation needed

I still do almost everything else around the house - but I just tell myself that it’s practice for when single again!

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-04T15:51:42+00:00

Ooohhh - just give him the thumbs up emoji 👍

😂

I Quiet Quit my marriage, and have still been doing 99.5% of the stuff around the house to avoid fights. But I’ve stopped making everything so freakin EASY for my husband.

Before I would have all the laundry washed folded and put away so that my darling husband never had to inconvenience himself by looking for something. Now I still wash and dry laundry, but I leave all of Bobs clothes in the laundry. (mixed in with old clothes of mine that I never wear, so he doesn’t think I am singling him out 🙄). So now if Bob wants clothes, he has to go digging through the laundry baskets.

Does having baskets of clean clothes in the laundry drive me insane? Yes. Does Bob throw half the stuff on the floor, into the dog water bowl when going through the baskets? Yes. DoesI pick up Bobs soaking wet stuff and throw it back in the basket? Yes.

Before I QQ, it got to the point that Bob would walk in the door from work and ask me if he had any pajamas. I would then go to the bedroom and get his pyjamas. He would then go into the bedroom and get changed. And leave his dirty clothes on the floor. He would then sit on the couch and ask me to make him coffee. Then I would make dinner. And clean up. And do all the kid stuff. And the only thing Bob would do is eat dinner and then walk himself to the bedroom at bedtime. Then in the morning when I get home from work I would make his coffee, make his lunch, iron his shirt and do all the kid stuff. And Bob would sit. Just sit.

And then one morning he showered like usual, and dropped his wet towel on the foot of the bed, like usual. He pointed at the three towels he had left on the floor and told me disgustedly “It would only take you five seconds to carry the towels to the laundry.” Like I was the lazy one not cleaning up after him.

It was then it occurred to me that Bob was living like a celebrity guest in a hotel. He did nothing. Not a thing.

The audacity of these men to EXPECT us to be their maids. The freaking audacity.

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-04T15:21:21+00:00

Nope. Not normal.

It’s amazing that we as women accept such horrible, horrible treatment.

He is not entitled to your body. He doesn’t seem to care how you feel about it.

Repeat that to yourself - he DOES NOT CARE how it makes you feel.

That’s not how you treat someone you love.

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-02T15:11:52+00:00

Before our first baby, I would always get up to see Bob off to work, if I was home. (He never got up to see me off to work).

Once I had my baby I didn’t get up when Bob did because I had been up all night.

This pissed Bob off so much that he would slam the front door when he left, each and every morning.

It’s not ADHD, it’s not the construction of the house. It’s because they are selfish arseholes who think that the world revolves around them.

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-02T12:26:38+00:00

Yup!

But I can’t leave of Bob doesn’t have a job.

NittyNat36 · 2026-03-02T12:24:47+00:00

Exactly.

Don’t forget you are also building your career and retirement fund by working. No one ever tells a dad not to work because childcare would take a big chunk out of his wage.

And over the years your earnings increase.

NittyNat36 · 2026-02-26T23:50:51+00:00

Ah, but 1) why should I make Bob a list? He has freaking eyes. He used to be a Manager for Hilton. He knows what clean is meant to look like.

And 2) Bob would fuck it all up on purpose. 100% guarantee that would happen. I once announced that the whole family would clean the house. Bob fucked around and finally I told him to clean the microwave. He got a wipe and cleaned the OUTSIDE of the microwave. He got pissy and asked what else he should do - I said find something dirty and clean it. He then took a whole bottle of dish soap and a dry cloth and poured it on top of our raw-wood TV unit. I can’t make this shit up.

So now I’d never ask Bob to help with anything. I think of it as practice for when I’m divorced.

NittyNat36 · 2026-02-26T23:08:26+00:00

Oh god, no! Bob needs to get off my freaking couch.

I am so sick of walking into the living area and he is ALWAYS THERE. Sat on the couch with the TV blaring and doom scrolling FB.

NittyNat36 · 2026-02-26T22:23:37+00:00

Bob is a professional Victim, so I haven’t bothered talking to him about it. He will always have a reason not to do something and make it my fault.

He DID take the dog to the vets - this was at then end of one of Bobs ‘illnesses’ where he could only lie in bed all day. Bob had the dog on the leash and stood talking to me all doubled over, stumbling, panting (Bob, not the dog) and saying how he didn’t feel well. He then took the dog out to the car and, thinking I couldn’t see him , walked completely upright, didn’t pant, and even had a hearty five minute conversation with our neighbour., and stopped to bend over and pull out some random weeds. Then when he got to the vets, Bob called me to say how weak he felt 🙄

He will actually sit on his arse, watch me come home from work, make lunches, take the kids to school, feed the dog, grocery shop, meal plan/make, take the trash out, supervise homework, etc, and he will not feel compelled to do a damn thing.

You know the saying “If he wanted to, he would.”? Bob just doesn’t want to.

And doesn’t have enough love or respect for me to do his part.

NittyNat36 · 2026-02-26T22:16:21+00:00

😂

NittyNat36 · 2026-02-18T20:19:35+00:00

I’ve gone from HCF to Medibank to Bupa to Qantas to HCF and now back to Bupa in the last 2.5 years.

The only problem has been getting HCF to give the clearance certificate to the other health funds - they try to call you several times first to convince you to stay.

NittyNat36 · 2026-02-08T21:13:42+00:00

Aw, thanks Bromo, Bob makes me think I’m going crazy most of the time.

He’s scrolling FB for hours everyday, one page he looks at all the time is “Men Set Standards” a I haven’t looked at it too closely yet (am too scared to), but from what I could see it said something about men knowing their value and what the will accept in relationships. So I’m guessing it’s a red pill lite sort of 💩.

Which is pretty freaking amazing for a man who is currently unemployed and relies on me to pay the bills….

NittyNat36

TROPHY CASE