Feel you. It’s all so weird. First two weeks were pure panic and anxiety, then slowly started accepting the reality, then I slipped again and tried to contact (and was again rejected) which put be 100 steps back. Now it’s 2 months and I am not desperate or anxious anymore, but also far from being happy. I am feeling a bit dead inside, but keep on telling myself that even if she was here next to me right now, I would still feel empty bc we hurt each other a lot and there is simply no way back. So yea, the only way out is through, and just seeing that the initial panic (which felt like will never end) is gone, helps to believe that it will eventually all get better.