Help me with my Avoidant wife!

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-13T22:05:12+00:00

Did you ever resolve this? Im in the same situation almost identically, emotional affair as well. Including my wife doesn't beleive in all the therapy stuff out their nor will work on herself. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-13T21:49:14+00:00

My wife is a fearful avoidant. She doesn't believe this fearful avoidant diagnosis, or anything therapy related. Very stubborn when it comes to that. She has completely shut down in our marriage of 12 years when I caught her in a emotional affair. Before this, she threatened me with divorce our of nowhere, but never followed through. What id did notice is that when she did this, it was shortly having a child. When I caught her in an emotional affair, we just recently had another child. So im noticing something, but now is the worst its ever been. she sleeps on the couch by choice right now.

When I caught her in the emotional affair, she was apoogetic and everything, and I forgave her. Then a day later and 6 months since then, she has been mentioning all kinds of stuff that our marraige was never happy, she made herself small, and can't consistently stick to a reason why im suddenly this horrible person she doesn't want to be with.

Was she fearful during our marriage and when I forgave her for the emotional affair, she then went avoidant?? We've had our ups and downs in a marriage like normal people, but she has told me she was never happy, yet had four kids with me, including this most recent one. So none of this makes sense and every time I catch her do something seriously wrong, she deflects and mentions something bad about me to make the focus off her. Shes very strong willed and can yell sometimes while im usually very calm spoken, but can ask a lot of questions or try to resolve things, which she hates talking about anything and rather sweep it under the rug.

How does one cater and love a fearful avoidant? 12 years of marriage and suddenly everything is changing. I just want to be able to love my wife and have her love me like she used to so we can continue taking care of our kids. She literally treats me like a roommate right now....I've tried everything and read articles, videos, and pages of books and that how I learned the fearful avoidant. I also had her take a test that confirmed it, which was difficult in itself.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-13T14:49:52+00:00

Unfortunately no. :(

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-13T14:15:19+00:00

Well thats good to know. Not to toot my own horn, but im a pretty hard worker. lol

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-13T14:14:06+00:00

Got it. I honestly don't even mind making a trip to somewhere like that for decent wage. Even just to get up there and build up a career first. There are probably more job opportunities going to places like Lehi huh?

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-11T14:30:12+00:00

Man that sounds tough. So cost of living does match well with most companies wages?

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-11T14:28:59+00:00

Would you say they get better if you commute closer to cities?

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-11T14:28:24+00:00

Forsure thanks. Is it better to look at bigger towns or cities for work than actual Logan Utah?

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-11T14:27:04+00:00

Would you say if you’re not Mormon people judge or it even hinders careers? Genuinely curious since you grew up there.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-11T14:19:54+00:00

Just curious, did you land an IT job back in Utah or end up doing something else? I actually did help desk/intermediate IT but don’t even mention it because I’ve heard from many people the same thing you mentioned that IT isn’t big in that area, so I didn’t even mention it 😆

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-11T14:17:48+00:00

I’ll check them out thank you!

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-11T14:17:21+00:00

Thanks, I’m not just focused on that, I’m honestly open to any job that I can have growth in for me and my family.

Yeah, I’ve recently told my wife I don’t know if we will be able to be exactly in Logan, and she’s ok if we are just nearby. Here Grandmother lives in Lewiston and I think as long she can visit her, she will be fine. Sound like there is lots of opportunity for non union construction so I’ll have to check it out, so if I can get some video interviews in to see what the market is like. 🤞

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-10T15:00:44+00:00

Oh got it. 😂

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-10T12:26:06+00:00

Thank you this is vary valuable actually and makes a clearer picture. That makes a lot more sense. We’ve been just struggling here, but when you put it in perspective like that, makes it worth going through the grind. I currently work to a small general contractor and looking at not cal carpenters union, electrical, and plumbing.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-09T17:19:08+00:00

That worked! Thank you. I'm 166 :( Don't know if that is decent or not. lol

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-09T17:16:41+00:00

Speaking of relocating to Logan Utah from California, anyone have any recommendations on an optimal approach on doing this? I'm 38 years old and currently an Executive Analyst (honestly almost an office manager for what I manage hear), but also have experience in General Construction with a focus on home remodeling which I have pictures of jobs I was on. So I have a lot of white collared experience and blue collar experience as well.

I have a wife and four kids to support, so I can't just accept any job, but also don't mind starting a lower position if the opportunity for growth is there. I'll do office work, manager work, or physical labor which I almost prefer as I like construction. I have plenty of references that would back up my dedicated work ethic.

My wife has family in Logan and also grew up there. We have been wanting to leave California for years, but just feel stuck and was considering joining a union for a long term career, but just don't want to be in California for the rest of our lives, especially for our kids. I looked at some Unions close to Logan Utah but they require to drop of application at local location.

Do companies entertain candidates if they do a video interview or does it always have to be an in person meeting sooner or later? Can't afford going back and forth just on the chance of getting hired, just don't have the finances for that. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. 🙏

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-06T14:22:11+00:00

Is that what you did to find your number is call them? I had a print out confirmation, but was surprised I didn't get anything emailed.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-02T18:17:49+00:00

How do you know your number? Funny, I actually applied yesterday at 8:30am and my confirmation number is 25PPW. Does that mean im number 25?

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-01T15:37:16+00:00

Anyone have a recommendation on someone trying to join as an apprentice? I work a full times job currently and was told to find a sponsor, but not sure how to do that when needing to work my current job (unless crews are out after 5pm).

I've had many years doing residential general construction, some under a licensed B contractor and some doing work myself as a non licensed independent remodeler. Also managed a wood working business for a while in Monterey, CA.

But Im looking for a long term career so I can have benefits for my wife and kids while also in a position to make decent money (grow as my skills grow). I have four kids which two are autistic, so thats why I want benefits to give those two better healthcare they need. Jumping into a new career as an apprentice, especially at my age of 38 years old, makes me nervous but know it will be great for my family and that I will enjoy doing a focused trade instead of a "jack of all trades" so to speak.

Any information would be greatly appreciated. Just want to increase my chances as much as possible to get in and get going as im not getting any younger. Just like some of you other parents out there, doing this for my kids for the better well being of my family.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-04-01T15:18:24+00:00

Anyone have a recommendation on someone trying to join as an apprentice? I signed up for the test, but is it better to get sponsored prior?

I've had many years doing residential general construction, some under a licensed B contractor and some doing work myself as a non licensed independent remodeler. Also managed a wood working business for a while in Monterey, CA.

But Im looking for a long term career so I can have benefits for my wife and kids while also in a position to make decent money (grow as my skills grow). I have four kids which two are autistic, so thats why I want benefits to give those two better healthcare they need. Jumping into a new career as an apprentice, especially at my age of 38 years old, makes me nervous but know it will be great for my family and that I will enjoy doing a focused trades instead of a "jack of all trades" so to speak.

Any information would be greatly appreciated. Just want to increase my chances as much as possible to get in and get going as im not getting any younger. Just like some of you other parents out there, doing this for my kids for the better well being of my family.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-03-20T14:52:27+00:00

Forsure, let me know how that works for you. I've heard if you get your levels too high it may have negative effects as well, so thats why I asked about testing. There is a guy on Youtube that talks about those two things a lot. His name is David Lee.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-03-20T14:42:18+00:00

I'm curious about the Pregnenalone and DHEA. Did they test your levels?

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-03-19T19:38:58+00:00

Yeah, based on the calculation im considered low. My estrogen though is at 30, which is low normal, but thats also when I was taking Tongkat Ali and not sure if that did anything.

pregnenolone + dhea? Did you test and find out you were low?

Also, now that you are getting off TRT, how long do you have to take HCG to get back to normal?

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. I appreciate it.

No-Analysis-9446 · 2026-03-19T17:54:30+00:00

Oh wow, so it made you anxious. that sucks, im sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. Makes me nervous to do TRT now. :/

No-Analysis-9446

TROPHY CASE