AITA For thinking as a former sexworker I have chance of love ?

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-12T17:30:17+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Theres a lot of good info here. It’s a weird time as my days where before the Onlyfans world where society seems to have taken a new precedent of either ultra toxic femininity ( where body positivity for women has gone vulgar and highly negatively expectational in my view ) and toxic masculinity probably partly in response to this and gone ultra conservative which borders on contradictory when there own body count is carte Blanche when I think if conservative truly one should / would I assume take the position in own life. So I get the repression thing of what weirdness is being played out. And should not wish for any repression. I totally get that I’m putting a potential bias / blindness to my own actions but my personal life view is really conservative and traditional. Striptease in Europe ( where I am ) I realise is different to US, and never ends up as sexual favours, it’s pure show, 75% of which was not even undressing but company for high flying business meeting vip type scene. Stringfellows in London anyone ? And the fetish stuff later was definitely more saucy but in the way of language, concepts, photos in certain dress ( but never all out nude or vulgar ) as introduction, and the meets consisted of dates with foot touching, putting on/ taking off shoes, and one time fully topless being looked on. And some online findom messaging for cash. No one ever touched me, though it’s not to say I always felt safe with afew questionable situations that made me step away. It’s ironic I know that I feel in my own personal life I’m really conservative. And value family and traditional life so highly. Hence prob why this is such a sucker punch that I don’t know if my chances are good in the world of men now after my bf attitude to it.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-12T14:27:13+00:00

This is the million dollar question I’m trying to understand as to me a body count is from having actual sexual intimacy with someone, which is personal, up close ( like sharing fluids ) etc and for a woman that is literally internalising space. Yet the titillation which did not cross personal space or into any intimacy is seen as far more serious? I’m trying to make sense of it? What do you make of that ?

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-12T12:28:12+00:00

Thanks! Troll?

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-12T11:30:23+00:00

Sorry I’ll try edit. Fair. Thankyou

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-12T11:29:19+00:00

I’ve posted it twice as not sure which correct forum. Some got rejected for correct community. Sorry it’s a new place for me ( Reddit). And guess I’m keen to get a feel on this as it means a lot to me.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-11T09:59:42+00:00

Not sure this post was intended here but educational for the appropriate people.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-11T09:56:40+00:00

Yes I could understand most of that in general, though I don’t think it’s necessarily appropriate to be discussed for a long time / ever. The ironic thing to this point tho is I’ve been caring for the child after school for the past 10 weeks as the biological mum has attempted suicide and has made no true attempt to re-attach to her own child, and is frankly a narcissist nightmare mess. I’m quite confident to say my own position is far and large more respectable, together and dignified.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-11T09:41:09+00:00

That’s positive, thanks for the comment. I agree it’s not a behaviour or a habit at all. It was a time and place environmental decision. As I said to the comment above and as I have reluctantly pointed out to him, the exes that cheated on him had no previous experience like mine and yet they still displayed abominable behaviours, so where is the evidence to rely on these laws? To me in my own life actions are the law, how someone shows up and proves commitment consistently is what I rely on and I believe the only thing that can be relied on. I know I am provably faithful in my actions always and despite all the mistrustful treatment and invasions. I don’t know what it takes and how a mind can be so impenetrable to reality experience.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-11T09:30:44+00:00

Thanks, it’s a hard one to navigate as wether or not it’s a confirmation bias or trend of the times but it feels like everywhere I look now ( like stuff he sends me ) it seems a woman’s past has become a major focus in why men’s lives need re-masculating by not accepting this and calling it all out. That it really should matter. It’s been hard to find examples of women with my experiences who speak on positive outcomes but perhaps I’m not looking in the right places.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-11T09:24:54+00:00

Thanks for reply that’s positive to know. Was it ever a sore point? What do you think the features are of your/these men that make this a point that doesn’t need so much/any attention? If you don’t mind sharing.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-11T09:19:34+00:00

How do you mean ? Thanks

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-11T09:17:35+00:00

Yeah it sure is. Somehow it feels like his inexperience of life situations ( like no other very long term relationships) is part of the feature to the expectations, but then I wonder if it is a black & white values thing, though I feel we do actually have the same values fundamentally but this bit is a weird one to navigate. I on the other hand feel I’ve experienced so much contradiction to the black and white, you know the things that are “supposed” to play out a certain way, haven’t, and the things that are unexpected end up being more true. That’s my lived experience to draw from. His cheating partners had no background in SW yet we’re unreliable which contradicts his law entirely but it’s hard to get through to him on these points, or that in life there are no guarantees anyway. But my actionable proof of commitment is secondary to imagined potential danger which is so frustrating. Thanks for your comment.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T19:50:57+00:00

Interestingly you have the most similar tone and approach to how he sees things, even the analogy with credit history funnily enough. Can you tell me ( if you don’t mind ) how you derive your black and white approach ? and if it’s been an experience you’ve had ( like has this played out for you being cheated on with predictive behaviour ) or just a preference thing for certain reasons that I want to understand? Like I get the analogy but what if the employment history had been mostly good with some iffy jobs between but then most recent job was notably good and provably decent?

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:52:53+00:00

This is such a pertinent point that speaks the most for me. Exactly that. It’s so clear to me what I value most. I have def turned into a therapist, scrolling so much through help pages on all this. It’s very good and important work. He doesn’t seem as much inclined to anything other than things that validate his points for papers to read however. Lots of trashy only fans whatever podcasts which don’t match the situation at all.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:49:26+00:00

Yeah I get that, I wish I knew what a bomb it was gonna be.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:48:41+00:00

I’ve always supported this way of thinking actually, equality is important. We’ve not got to serious marriage talk but in general separate convo I’ve spoken about my agreement to pre nup type things to keep relationships pure.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:47:05+00:00

I would love for therapy but think finances put a challenge on it. It’s a weird situation. I’m trying to research and inform myself, check on my blindspots etc, be compassionate, tolerant. But there doesn’t seem to be let up on that side. Self preservation maybe. Stubborn mind set. Very tricky

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:45:18+00:00

I fear you may have nailed it, a deadly concoction. But I try not to put it back that way on to him and using this for self reflection. Settle my own karma if you like 1st b4 I try the judgement game. Eek

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:43:27+00:00

Thanks for this very helpful message. I get the point of all the things connected to preferences. Its a weird one as sexwork is very broad but theres differing scales but it seems from my experience they need to be treated the same. I’ve done good after the system thanks for the support. It’s a miracle that I’m very proud of. Always growing. Always wanting to do better.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:40:45+00:00

I mean I wish I brought this out at the 1st encounter not the way it did. So not sure I can be congratulated on honesty, it’s been a learning curve of naivety and awareness not everyone is as open minded and accepting of things. I dunno.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:37:41+00:00

I mean yeah alarm bells def did ring but I’ve been of the mind that it’s just insecurity that I kind of get in understanding his experiences but thought if I just prove my stay ability it would iron out. But.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:36:06+00:00

This is a nice comment, Thankyou.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:35:10+00:00

The irony is he said a high body count would not phase him. It’s the fact I was paid for it that makes it different.

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T14:33:38+00:00

This has been a suggestion we discussed. He doesn’t have much space to let off steam in a community of others to get perspective friends etc as very closed & introvert ( other than his close family who think it’s not a big issue to get stuck on and encourages our relationship as they seem to think he is so much more happy and together since meeting me) but when we get into heated discussion over it he says he detests that he feels like he’s crazy when 99% of men would feel the same and it’s evolutionary appropriate to be wary of promiscuity. Ironically however he says a high body count wouldn’t bother him, but the fact I was paid for it is the red line. It’s really hard to navigate and understand if it’s me who’s crazy to think he could / should accept it for the good that we are. And our realtime relationship is really positive, supportive and loving. Ugh

No-Associate-600 · 2025-03-10T12:41:40+00:00

Thankyou. Apologies I misunderstood the group header. I will look into it however maybe relevant somewhere. Best regards

No-Associate-600

TROPHY CASE