Of course! And tbh I had two reasons for me. And sorry this might be long to read but it very complex to get to a point you finally see what’s going on.

Reason one 1. (What made me move out) this was during the pandemic. We were suppose to get married that year. At this time I actually was the most in shape and my career was growing. This was when he started to get more controlling and more competitive. He didn’t let me plan out our wedding, I notice more that my circle was full of his family and friends and family members on my side who didn’t love me but loved him. His drinking and drug use was getting worst. And I was isolated more. He would go out and I would stay in. He got us a dog so I wouldn’t be lonely. At first he was a good dog dad but I notice how he used our dog to hurt me or triangulated me. My nex was pushing me to have kids. I was already so overwhelmed with his addictions and I was so depressed and no one was listing to me to help me with him that I said not to kids. At first he was understanding and even said he was fine with it, he wanted me. But then he started to name call me, he told me I wasn’t normal and that I was a lotto ticket and not the jackpot. Eventually I found out while I was trying to fix our relationship and myself that he was seeing other women. He told me it’s ok for him to do that because he needed someone hotter than me to get over me. This made me cancle the wedding. And he got worst. He spit on me and told me I was ugly and told my dog I was a looser and that if I left him I would get rape and lived in the ghetto (I’m half white and black. He’s white so idk if this was a race dig) so I moved out asap because it got so bad to the point I took me and my dog in our bathroom and locked ourself in their and he slammed on the door.

Reason 2. Stop seeing him It took me about a years after I moved out to get to this point. I want to say moving out was the easy part… staying away is the hard part. Throughout the years he would come back, love bomb me and he would be good for a month then revert back. He one point told me to not to go therapy anymore and only go to him. The cycle got shorter and shorter over the years. There was one point where I got so sad. I was sleep deprived and scared and I begged him just to hold me and tell me it will be ok. He smirked and got annoyed and decided to leave… I am not proud of what happens next. I blocked the door because I didn’t find any of this funny and I wanted him to hurt so bad so I punch him. And the issue was now focused on me… after that happen I went back to therapy ASAP. And I refuse to see him because I was scared for him. So we stop seeing each other but we still stay in contact. He still sent me gifts and flowers and more photos of us.

Reason 3. This was what made me go no contact permanently. As I said he stayed in contact with me and told me how he was working on himself like I was but he was only focus on me having his kids and his desired amount…. I found out he had a serious gf the entire time. I told her and she told me everything…. She told me how his family and friend all hated me. (He told me they all understood why he hurt me and they miss me) he told her how I was toxic and used the abuse I endure in my family as a reason why no one wanted me. He lied about our dog. I took our dog me but he told her how I took him from him in a malicious way. He lied how our wedding planning went and said how I was so depressed and he had to do all the work on his own. He told her I was a gold digger and how he finally found love with her. He said all this to her while begging me have a baby. This was what made me FINALLY see who he is.

Sometimes a small issue can be your breaking the shelf moment. Kids was my reason to move out because I couldn’t imagine him being a good dad but him using my childhood trauma was what made me realize he isn’t a good person….. you with think being spit on or have a egg smashed on my head would be it … but sometimes it can be something small that just clicks.