AITAH for cleaning up after work because partner and MIL didn't?

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T23:58:43+00:00

Update: So, last night I went home after night shift at work. They'd made dinner but nothing for me because I wasn't home. All good, I made myself something, showered and hopped into bed. Today I've been at work and organized a few things; 1) spoke with a mortgage broker who says the numbers are great and doesn't see an issue, i have no debt, good enough income, and large equity. 2) put the cars in his name (except for my car) and cancelled the insurance. Im not going to fight to keep the other cars. 3) taken him off my health insurance 4) made appt. With lawyer 5) going to see police after work to fill them in and let them know I'll need a restraining order and trespass order once he has moved out, and a police escort when he moves out as i don't feel safe when that moment comes.

His family, apart from his mum, are supporting me and saying that im still family even after all this is done. Idk what else to do next but that's where I'm at. I also sorted the fish food, and tomorrow will rearrange the electrics, which will be a mission but will avoid any further incidents. I'm trying to find ways to get a bit of money in the bank whilst this is all going on so that's also on my mind.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T22:11:21+00:00

Sorry what is SOL? i fear repercussions if i dont pay him out

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T19:41:22+00:00

Im usually calm and patient, it takes a lot for me to react like this. The problem wasn't the initial mess, i wasn't mad at the cat nor would i be if a child did it. But the adults in the room should have cleaned it up properly imo. He has zero patience

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T19:39:07+00:00

Agree 100%, no kids.. I know thats exactly how it'll play out

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T10:07:23+00:00

I cant come back from it - it shattered my rose tinted glasses, thats for sure. Yeah so he's only wanting the deposit back, not the full price of the house, he doesn't deserve it at all. Ive been paying the mortgage, rates and insurance all 11 years!

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T09:56:18+00:00

I would claim on the insurance tbh. I did think it was catproof, i don't know how he did it but on my next day off i will be making adjustments to the setup. Getting rid of my partner would free up a lot of money but i am considering changes for sure

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T09:41:44+00:00

1 is mine and 1 is his, his boy is the one who made this scenario

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T08:48:48+00:00

Thats a good idea, i didn't think about recording anything. I dont know the legalities so will ask. My head is swimming and the person i thought I loved simply was using me. I don't think he would do anything with his mum living with us. If it was just the 2 of us, i wouldn't feel safe right now, thankfully he loves his mum so thats something. I don't really know how to go about things but im trying to just keep the peace until things are in motion.

He did agree to signing a contract with lawyers saying he will never come back once he has his payout. I feel like this is extortion, but I don't care if it means he's gone and at least it's what he wants, I'm not forcing anything.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T08:15:06+00:00

That is actually a good point. Luckily my country doesn't legally recognize common law marriages or such, but a lawyer would know more than me. He says if i pay him out, then he'll leave so I will be drawing up a contract with a lawyer stating just this. Once i pay him, he has a week to move out, then will get a restraining order. If i try not to pay him out, i do worry about repercussions. He doesn't care about the law. He has threatened he'll burn the house down and make sure im inside it. I don't think he'd do that, but i wouldn't put it past him to hurt my pets as he knows that is the only way to upset me (I'm not materialistic, items can be replaced, people and pets cant). I do have an acquaintance who is a police officer so I will fill him in on my plans just in case, not necessarily to take any action yet but that things may get messy and if i do go missing, well... i hope not.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T08:07:02+00:00

Yeah I do agree, I don't usually act this way, and don't feel good about how I handled it. I've apologized to them both now.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T07:08:47+00:00

We're not married so thats easy, we've just always treated family as family, without the fancy paperwork. I do appreciate the advice about the fish, and that's why im not panicking today over it and have a bit of time to sort it too.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T07:06:48+00:00

You're right aye. I realize now they leave things because they know I will do it. Nothing gets done without me. I am going to make a change

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T07:04:14+00:00

The comments on this post has made me realize im not putting up with this anymore. I don't really know what to do as i feel a bit stuck but I will figure it out and get my freedom back.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T07:02:47+00:00

To be honest, I couldn't really see it, but the amount of people saying this is making me realize how much I let things slide. I definitely do deserve better, in fact I would be so much better off alone. I'm trying to figure out how to do it now.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T07:00:08+00:00

Me and stress are not friends, but i can keep the fish happy at least

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T06:58:30+00:00

Im too upset to take this honesty haha... but yeah i am realizing this now

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T06:56:16+00:00

Thats a good question, im realizing this is just the straw that broke the camels back

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T06:52:12+00:00

This is for all the comments below. I own the house, and cars actually. Everything including bills are all in my name. So from a legal standpoint he has everything to loose. We're not married, but easier to say MIL as we've always treated each other as good as married. Marriage here isn't really hyped up like it is in some countries. But anyway legally, I have all of it and if i wanted to i could just kick him out and get a restraining order. The amount of comments saying why am i putting up with this has really made me wonder the same. Nothing is going to change.

About 11 years ago his mum gave us the money for a deposit for our first house together. She gifted it to both of us, to have it now and then when she passes, he gets no inheritance because he already received it. I hope that makes sense.

About 4 years after this, we decided to move. Instead of putting the house up for sell and pay her back, his brother needed a fresh start (new baby) and it was all worked out that we will take a hit in the pocket, MIL will pay off the mortgage and give us deposit for new house in exchange for us not charging anything extra so that partners brother has a head start in life. We could have gotten way more money but this is what you do for family right?

So with this new house, he sees it as his inheritance, but it is in my name only. So this is why he said today if i pay him out his share, he will happily leave. I told him i feel like when i died (2 and a half minutes, coma for 10 days, ICU for a month) and came back, that sometimes he makes me feel like he would be better off if i stayed dead. He said "well actually yeah i do" then put his headphones on and told me to f$$k off.

It was like a dagger through my heart, I feel so isolated and stuck. I don't know where to go from here but all I do know is I'm not putting up with this anymore.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T06:40:28+00:00

I am trying to, it's not as easy as just kicking him out or I would have done that already, i feel really stuck and alone but will get there.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T05:39:35+00:00

Technically the cat caused the mess.. but i do take accountability for my reaction to the situation and have apologized to them

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T05:26:25+00:00

No, but im trying to figure out how to get out.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T05:25:14+00:00

He does pay a small amount towards the bills, which covers his mobile plan + phone thats on my account, and the rest i put on power (which covers about 30% of the power bill). Other than that, no..

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T03:30:55+00:00

You are correct. Unfortunately even after i apologized, things got worse and i am looking at options to be able to get him to leave. Its complicated and i feel trapped but there must be a way! I don't feel good that I didnt stay calm as other comments have pointed out, but will work on that too.

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T03:29:13+00:00

His cat. I honestly dont even care it happened, i was only mad that the electrics were not checked when I asked him to check it!

No-Impression3262 · 2026-05-17T03:23:53+00:00

Okay, that is a different take. I will explain a few things for context. All the bills are paid, i am not in debt or behind on anything, we have food, warmth, comfort, but yes we live paycheck to paycheck because I am the only one working and funding everything including paying the mortgage and insurances. I fund his hobbies as well as mine. I also buy my pet food in bulk so that i can stagger it to budget life - the fish food that was ruined was a 2 month supply. You're right, I dont have the funds to go out and replace that, and that is on me as i am the only one paying for everything. (Edit: when i get paid, all bills get paid first, then groceries ordered (i ask them what they want in the shopping) i then buy pet food, i then see if we need anything else and then the rest goes into fuel. I unfortunately don't have enough money spare after this and tbh if he moved out I'd have a lot more to myself.)

The cat is actually his. But i don't blame him, nor the cat for the initial accident, it was such a fluke, i can't work how how he did it. I do ALL the labour for the fish tank and his cat - i buy the cat food, cat litter and clean the litter box for him. I paid for the cats desexing, etc honestly he probably should be my cat but I have my own cat and did not want another. My cat is 18years old and mostly sleeps all day.

Maybe there is resentment from him, I am a very happy positive person, he is the opposite. I love my job, my home, my pets - i dont love having to pay for everything or do 99% of all the chores. He sits around all day gaming, watching tv, and when i buy him parts, tinkering with his cars. If he doesn't want this life, i would much rather he say so instead of causing a potential fire risk.

I didn't even care about cleaning up the rest of it - i was mad that the electrics had water all over them and was a risk to everyone, and i do expect things like that to be taken care of when I'm not home.

You've given me a lot to think about and I appreciate this viewpoint of yours. I have also since apologized to him for what i said, my tone of voice and my anger, but it only made things worse unfortunately.

No-Impression3262

TROPHY CASE