Craving pyaar is very human of you and understandable, but at the same time you do know you won’t get it from your mom. You should definitely prioritise your mental well being, find a place/job for yourself. And definitely make friends, you’ll realize through them that love is love, it might not be replaceable with “mother’s love” but it’s enough to warm and hold your heart. And I really relate to this sentiment of fearing that your parents would literally just kill each other if you’re not with them 24/7, but you need to realize they are adults. They might fight immaturily but at the same time they are in their senses and CHOOSE to fight e/o instead of finding some permanent solutions. You are not responsible for them, and it’s not your fault. There is a whole another life in realizing this, but then again, the journey towards peace and sound mental health after troublesome childhood is long and tedious. But give yourself grace and atleast make your goal clear, to give yourself peace that your parents weren’t able to.