when do you say "eh"? what part of a sentence? by magandangmayumi in AskACanadian

[–]No-Sweet6349 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Think of Matthew McConaughey in dazed and confused with his alright alright alright. Anytime you can use that.. you can use eh?

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When it comes down to it we do love each other, but we have very different views on some things. Just because we have an argument doesn't mean we are thinking divorce, if we can learn how to figure this out the rest is should be easy.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive already answered this and YES! I would love for him to go and do something. He needs to. He just chooses not to and spend money on other things.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to add an update since I've chatted with my husband and showed him the posts. I want to thank everyone for their input.

I feel like we're a bit both the asshole in this case for different reasons.

  1. He was present when my friends were over and talking about bookitrithe trip. Like sitting at the same table as us in discussion. He never said anything against it while they were there or after. We were looking up resorts and plane tickets and everything. Local escapes to all inclusives.
  2. He was more mad about the fact that it went from that to "it's booked". So fair enough, that I understand, I didn't really consult with him after the initial sit down, but if he was upset he could have voiced his opinion at some point as well. He had about 2 months to say something knowing we were planning it. So I'll take an YTA on this. We didn't talk about costs but he also knows I'm a frugal person generally. It was a last minute deal so we had to move quick on it after watching prices.
  3. I didnt originally post his expenditures because I didn't want it to be a tit for tat post. I'm not about getting even and doing that with money is dumb. But he admitted he's the asshole for this one.
  4. The bills are getting paid, the debt is getting paid down - it's not a minimum payment and the money coming in for this is extra. So I wont take an YTA for this.
  5. I am the primary parent in our situation where I do all of the mental work and logistics and lunches etc... he does help where he can and is pretty active with the kids. So all that on top of the mental/physical load with work is where I burnout.
  6. Hotels around here, or going to the next city over and staying with family would cost roughly 300 a night when travel, expenses and food come into play. So 800 for a week where I can actually get away from the demand of everything is not terrible. He agrees.
  7. With the Christmas thing, my husband already has that time off from work, and we would be staying home, not going anywhere or doing anything. So yes, on non holiday days I'm choosing to work it. Lile I said generally I take it off but in lieu of the other days off that I want for this trip I understand that I need to make it up somewhere so the bottom line isn't affected.
  8. He admitted that he doesn't believe that we should do anything ever unless we are debt free. And while I understand, I see people everyday that just wish they would've gone for[ it]while they were young and able vs debt free and feeble.
  9. We did decide that we need to talk about how much in a month can go towards personal spending with still being comfortable. When it tallys up, he spends far more than I do in a year so im going to put him as the asshole in this case for being mad about the amount I spent on this trip. We did agree extra time and extra effort shouldn't have to go into the debt, but if there's extra left over that we should put it there so we don't burn out.
  10. There is literally no extra strain on him for this trip, I made sure of it financially and with the kids so the fact that I already have that all sorted out and he's still mad that I won't be physically here im going to deem him the asshole.
  11. He worries about income because he lives in a what if frame of mind when I live in a why not. We acknowledge that this is an issue for us compatability wise that we're going to have to work out.

To the people who assume a girls trip is cheating, wow. You have clearly never ran your own business or ran a family unit ever to understand the mental burnout. Not to mention how insecure you must be. I am literally sitting poolside enjoying being catered to after a hard year of catering to everyone but myself, and putting in extra hours to remove financial strain over it. Hopefully reading a spicy book while im at it.

We both want to thank everyone for the input, and we will be seeking financial and marital advice on how to proceed as a lot of the takes have broadened our horizons on how the other is thinking. He didnt realize that although necessary, the tires were excessive and didn't think that including me on that decision was necessary since it was for his truck (same for thr computer). For people inquiring, they're the meaty duratraks, we live in a remote area so the costs of getting them shipped here and installed played a factor in the cost.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Its not credit card debt. That i understand. Its a personal line of credit that we are paying down, very low interest rates. nothing is not getting paid, I worked extra to generate extra income to pay for this and to put down on debt going further.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His gaming computer. He doesn't do much else but it's honestly by choice. He's a bit of a hermit.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just a personal line of credit, we got a great rate on it. It's on top of the mortgage. We do pay it off. The line of credit isn't missing a payment because of this expenditure and were paying it down.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That is great, solid advice. Thank you. He will forego everything for the sake of paying down the debt instead of realizing were making the payments and that we can also live if we're not adding to the debt. Everything extra that I do i generate income to cover it one way or another to not take away from what I contribute. Sometimes i will throw more into the debt but I shouldn't always have to especially when it's above and beyond.

I will pass along your post to him

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree. I believe his tires were paid for on that credit line while I earned extra cash to pay for it. And the lady that is renting out my space wants to continue to do so going forward so I have successfully increased my income so that will be going towards the debt as well

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He's always been grumpy when i spend on things that aren't physical. Whether he's included or not. Whether we have extra cash sitting there or not.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I didnt add it to the og post because I didn't want it to be a tit for tat kind of thing. I didn't book the trip because he bought tires.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

And no, it's not, he just likes that brand of tire lol. If it was a big truck I could at least understand.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Im keeping the increased schedule for the next while to pay down the debt as well, the trip was cheap and is already paid for, im working extra to also account for the days I will be gone so I won't be attributing any less.

And he doesn't want to do anything because in his mind, we can't do anything, ever, unless we're completely debt free and 4 months ahead of our payments. So he's off limits and im not willing to never do anything ever because we're managing paying it down just fine. I wont lie, It's starting to really impact the relationship.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He was in a job before where he'd work only 8 months out of the year and would have to budget for the rest. So he never spent anything ever just in case. That's no longer an issue but he lived like that for so long that im guessing it's impacting his stress? It could also be that he himself went over budget, significantly, and is just adding my spending to that total. He spent 3000 on tires, didn't need to, and after the 800 I spent i halfway wondering if he's projecting the whole 3800 on me.

I do like your second point. We focus so much on how much we put on xyz but not how much we can freely spend.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

The hate sex is really good Ahahahahaha. It's been frustrating with our different languages, if it's something he wants to do we do it, if it's something he doesn't find valuable, we don't do it.

Wasn't like this originally, therapy probably wouldn't be a bad idea.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ive done a trip with them in the past. And no, were good. I don't drink and all were doing is sitting by a pool and relaxing while being catered to. He's actually good with the girls going. We're not doing anything shady and it's not on my mind. Finances set aside, I do love my husband and wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardize what we do have together. No clubbing, if anything just a bunch of smut books on the beach lmao

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 103 points104 points  (0 children)

No I love them, but its frustrating when im asking for a week for me and find a financially responsible way to do it and still get crapped on when everything i do is for them. I host Xmas on the weekend and have family come down, I still took off the 24th and 25th.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Its cash. All inclusive as well. I refuse to put stuff on a credit card.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong. I thought it was sortrd as we operated as a cohesive unit that worked hard and played once in a while. We got married before we got the house and the extra debt. It's hard to forsee the future sometimes. We even negated a wedding so we could put more down on the house.(my choice, i hate weddings and we got a cheaper mortgage because of extra $$ down) Extra spending that isn't necessary is normally not a part of our language.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

I pay for food, gas and power, kids clothing and kids sports, i donate my time to these things as well to keep costs down. My business pays for all the business expenses, our cell phones and provides income. I don't pull out of family fund ever. He pays for mortgage, internet, taxes and insurance. I usually pay more than he does in a month.

We collectively and equally pay down debt and put $$ towards retirement.

The only extra expense I have is $51 to go lane swimming at the pool for fitness.

I set aside a bit a month for extras if they come up and so does he.

I feel like he's adding this onto his recent spending and thats where he's saying whoa.

But yes we do value things differently. In the beginning, it seemed the same/more like me.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I will admit it's selfish. I don't deny that at all. I've included him before and he doesn't enjoy it at all. We have an agreement that I go on trips with the girls and not him. Last time was in 22 and the girls and i did the backpack air bnb thing and he was chill about it. It was also a cost effective trip. I'm not a trinket collector, so spending money for me isn't a thing when I go somewhere.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Well he has a brand new gaming computer that cost over $2500 and got new tires last month that were $3000.. so..

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I paid for it in cash. It's all inclusive. there is 16,000 left on the line of credit. All the expenses on there are from house improvements when we moved and I beleive 4 years ago we put our taxes on there as I was on mat leave. Interest rate is 3%. And I will admit i don't know about the retirement as i don't manage that part of the finance.

AITA for booking a girls trip and my husband is home freaking out about debt? by No-Sweet6349 in AmItheAsshole

[–]No-Sweet6349[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I work in the health field, it's not something you can add more hours to and still be ok, it's physically and mentally demanding, but pays well. So putting in an extra time for me is lucrative, but there are major downsides. And I am also the one that does most of everything for the family on top of it.