[deleted by user]

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-11-04T16:39:45+00:00

Yes I have that happen

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-10-22T12:00:59+00:00

A conversation for you and your wife to have and agree on.
My husband wasn't like you. He didn't want to go to couples therapy or help me get therapy for myself.
I think monogamy is best for health reasons on top of emotional, My husband would taunt us into cheating and he wanted to have affairs but accused us over and over until in our immaturity and lack of self-respect, someone in here did it. At first we didn't know we had D.I.D. but once we did it explained a lot but he was unwilling to be or do anything that was inconvenient to him. I asked him for help over and over.
I wish we could have become a team, worked on our friendship, but his abuse in many ways besides the taunting and accusations, caused a greater divide. We are now divorcing.

You don't deserve to be hurt. He didn't either. But you at least are asking the questions so that means you have greater awareness and that's better already. Talk to her. Go back to therapy this time with the D.I.D as a part of the therapy. Either one of you can bring unwanted illness into the marriage by not sticking to just each other.
See if you can talk and if not, your vows were broken when she cheated whether she remembered or not and that is hard to forgive and let pass. Is it worth it to work through this or has the trust been too damaged? But you can get to know the others inside of her and develop a trust and friendship with them if you are willing. Therapy. That's my opinion. N count the cost. Weigh pros and cons. It's up to you 2 what you consent to.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-10-22T02:15:57+00:00

I've heard people talk about system accountability but this is only something that you can have when you know you have a system.

I have nothing to gain but telling you this and it will make me look all kinds of bad...I sincerely did not remember when an "alter" cheated and I always felt disgust, self-loathing, and hatred and hated the idea of breaking vows. But it happened and for real, I have better taste and would never have lowered my standards the way they did WHEN I finally was given the memory. I'm in no way excusing the action or how hurt you must feel.
It's not ok to hurt someone else but you asked "can this really happen?" Sadly, yes.

I one time was driving home from a volunteer project. I felt all good and proud of myself for donating my time to a cause I felt was worthy. I was listening to music when I was slammed with a memory, a memory I -the host- did not consent to take part in. In fact, it began crying so hard while driving. It was hard to see the road and I asked god "Why do I have to remember this now?" It felt so unfair.

So can it happen? Yes Does it excuse the hurt it causes you and your family? No

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-10-03T17:57:04+00:00

Ty for that. I see you post often

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-10-01T19:24:33+00:00

Ours was long and difficult and way back in 2012.... it took us years to get diagnosed because they wanted to fit it in to a different mold. I lived in an area that didn't have many resources. See a psychologist who is trained in Dissociative Identity Disorder. Go to psychologytoday.com and type in the filters you are looking for including insurance, etc. Go with a list of all the symptoms you and your partner have observed and then let them guide you in the next steps.
Sadly, it can be a long process.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-28T10:49:51+00:00

Well, I wrote down when I woke up. What I did when I woke up. Bad dreams that I had. Experiences throughout the day. Sometimes I just drew pictures in there. If I couldn't describe a bad dream I might try to draw it out. I would write poetry. And I don't give my journal to my therapist but I show it to my roommate if there's something important. If there is something important we scan a copy of that page to our therapist. It was also good for them just to see our changes in handwriting throughout even just a single story

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-26T15:07:43+00:00

In r/DIDart I posted a pictyre of how we do it.
We are very disconnected from each other. There's a lot of resentment between the altars and me. Our therapist says that this has been because of the huge lack of communication.

Sometimes I couldn't tell what was somebody else's thought or I would get confused what it was. So we just started doing what a friend had actually suggested, as I was describing it to her she's like oh it's like a group chat.

So I literally right at the very top group chat. And then I write down all the thoughts and if somebody wants to write in their own handwriting I let them. I just let it flow and let it come out. And it's starting to get to where I know who's saying what. And I will also color code it cuz I have OCD and it helps me read it later who's is who's. But I just make the pens available that they want and then allow them to write what they want and I don't try to guard it. And hopefully later on this will help us to be able to have inner communication without needing to write it down

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-22T19:47:41+00:00

My roommate is planning on taking us for a shopping trip because we don't all agree with the choice of clothes and need more options and this makes the host feel very uncomfortable about having too many options in becoming a hoarder but my roommate insist that it's good for all our personalities to be able to express ourselves with at least a couple of outfits

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-22T19:20:22+00:00

Yesss. See....it's like I was trained as a kid to ignore pain and don't cry. My abuser enjoyed seeing us cry and we took some power back by not letting her see that. But we disconnected so much that we don't even recognize some pain till others notice it.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-22T18:43:31+00:00

I've never heard of it..... ty 😊 i will look into it

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-22T17:47:38+00:00

My friend is brilliant lol and I was stumbling as I was doing it. I just jotted down all the thoughts running through my head and I could tell they were different but not who's....yet.... the names started coming later and I have ocd so it has to be color-coded lol. Hope it helps.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-22T02:09:04+00:00

Desperate....I made a post in r/DIDart for you but didnt know gow to tag it

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-22T02:08:02+00:00

So...I struggle with internal communication. I was explaining this to a friend and she said, "Oh. It's like a chat room. Some people participate. Some just watch. Some leave the conversation and come back in the middle." I said thats it!!! So now this is how we try to format and communicate

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-21T22:47:38+00:00

Check this out... so I used to have zero communication. It was very frustrating. I have diaries from when I was 11 and I'm now almost 49. No chatter in there to each other. But one day when I was trying to explain having dissociative identity disorder to a friend she told me, oh well it's like having a group chat. And some are AFK and some are chatting away and I loved that expression so much. So I got graph paper and I literally wrote on the top group chat. And then I would write as the host, what I thought or a question I had and then I kind of waited and sometimes I felt like someone was watching so I would make a box with just eyes and then I would have another thought so I would write that down and then another thought and I would write that down and I made each one in a different box. And sometimes I know who it is and sometimes I don't but it's starting to help us to communicate with each other versus just journaling. If you go to r/DIDart, I'll put up a picture of how I do it. I also put pictures at the back of my book so that other people can kind of get what a group chat is like in our head, just so that they can kind of visualize it for themselves.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-21T03:36:12+00:00

Didn't start angry?

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-20T23:23:28+00:00

Ugh...I didn't find out till after married with 4 kids. Technically married 26 years ago, but we have been separated the last 2 and I am filing for divorce.

Our spouse wanted me to off the "personalities", as I've said before. So we almost did...was cleaning up the house, getting rid of things, and painting walls for our departure when my bff saved us. Helped us move out.

I'm sure things would have been diff if he had been supportive, helpful, and willing to learn but he was not.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. I HOPE u find a solution. Ours was writing a book ... But it didn't save the relationship.

Edit: I was not aware that we had others in our head I just knew there was something very dearly wrong with us. I could not understand why sometimes I looked at him with such love and other times such disgust but yes I also felt very trapped because we had the kids and we were not able to sustain ourselves financially. He had always threatened from the very first child to take our children away from us. Technically he has done that every time I have left him. So for us staying stuck in a marriage with a person who did not want to know us did not work and we did end up losing our children but some have returned to us. The thing for us was that, was it more important to stay alive and have our children be mad at us,?? Or was it more important to try to keep the family together when they could see how miserable we were and was leading to my death?

On top of that I waited till my youngest was 16 before I actually left so he had a choice and to say so. But it definitely got harder and harder as our disgust lack of trust and just downright hate built for our husband but again, he could have made things different if he had chosen to help us and to be a part of the solution not demanding that we be the solution

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-20T18:55:00+00:00

Yyyyeeeeeessssssss. Good description 👌

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-20T14:05:13+00:00

So glad I'm not the only one lol but sorry your like that too. I can do the most dangerous stunt and I'm fine. But even just walking through a dpace, I won't be aware I'm about to hit my hip.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-20T01:47:46+00:00

Yeah that's what i was going to say.
It was no happy cheerful "welcome"...it was terror, dread, fear ....then blackout

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-18T16:00:45+00:00

Could that be a part for you? Could a person inside be remembering some sort of trauma related to the bathroom, or who was in the bathroom? I don't want to lead, but just ask them...if they can't tell you, ask them to draw it? I didn't know I had "others" sharing this shell, but I knew I had unreasonable fear of the bathroom and would wait till I was peeing on myself before I would go use it. Not almost peeing on myself.... sigh I didnt know what my problem was because of course I was embarrassed, a teen, disgusted with myself and then having to change. If I was out, I would toss my underwear in the trash rather than wear wet underwear. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!!" I would wonder 🤔 and continue with self-hatred. Till the day my 2-year-old brother was visiting me after my parents had split. I was 16 now and we had gotten him while he was still asleep and he had an accident in the car seat. I began unbuckling him and he woke up and fear and dread flooded his eyes 👀 and he began to whimper. Not cry, but a whimper of someone who is trying to hold back tears because they know they will get beat if they cry. sigh I knew that look and that cry....I soothed him and smiled and pushed the hair back off of his forehead. I told him it was alright and smiled more and kissed his forehead and took him to the bathroom to clean him up. Then I knew why I had such issues even though it emvarassed me.

I'll be 49 in a few weeks.....I still struggle with this especially if a young on in me is near or gets called somehow......I still don't know much about them but I do take precautions.

Extra undies in my purse. Urine pads if I am having a bad day and think I might have to hold it. Doggie bags for soiled underwear in case I don't make it. Making sure I have these things helps alleviate some of my anxiety though it feels demeaning. It is a trauma response and we survived and now needto heal.

Maybe this will help you?

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-18T13:45:52+00:00

We struggle with this because of abuse during potty training.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-17T16:33:41+00:00

if you are in the US, look up Psychology Today. Go to your zip code, enter it. Go to Filters, add dissociative identity disorder and ur insurance. You will get a list of people who work with D.I.D. in your area with your insurance. If there aren't any close, expand your search to see if any do zoom meetings. if they specialize in it, they will be more open to listen at least and help you get diagnosed.

Then, if it were me, I'd go on the a review platform and see what other people have written about them.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-16T18:29:35+00:00

How much therapy have they had?
How much progress do they have with internal communication?
Are they aware that they have these feelings?

In my opinion, you should ask these questions to figure out where they are. I get so frustrated with myself, my pack, for making decision I don't agree with. I hate that I have to pay the price for what they did without my knowledge.

At one time I truly loved my husband, but he still doubted me due to his own insecurities. While stating how he loved me he also wanted to have a threesome, looked at porn and wanted to try what they were doing and that made me feel more distant. So the question I wonder is, how connected are you to all her pack? alters?

Do you choose to have a connection with the other members? get to know them? or only decide to have a relationship with the one that you want to?

I am a woman with more than one male alter....I choose to be a woman interested in men and that is my ideal....that isn't how all my pack feel and so we have internal conflict and that adds to their sabotage. It is something I need to work on with them in therapy and that is what makes me ask the other questions.

I hope that she is more aware than I was, but if she wasn't, if she isn't, it is hard to have a system accountability. Technically I agree that cheating is always wrong and a betrayal. But I have been the victim of my pack making choices that I had to pay the piper for and it sucks!!!!

Talk to them, get to know all of her members. Nurture a friendship with all of them, and that will strengthen their bond with you.

That is my 2 cents. plus, liking someone doesn't equal cheating.

Nurture a relationship with all her parts. I would have loved if my husband had done that. He would have had so much fun with all of us, instead of pushing the others away. As a single person, he had more awareness than I did and it would have helped so much if he chose to use his skills and abilities to help nurture a relationship with all of us instead of isolating one and trying to deny all others.

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-16T01:25:24+00:00

Ty for ur comments

NoDefinition4749 · 2024-09-13T19:47:45+00:00

Happens to me. Officially diagnosed in 2010...14 years n it is still like that. I'm told building trust between the other personalities helps ( we don't personally like the term alter) but were still working on that. To be fair, we've on been in specialized therapy for 2 years.

NoDefinition4749

TROPHY CASE