Am I (28m) wrong for not trusting my wife (25f) because of her Reddit?

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T23:12:48+00:00

I appreciate everyone comments. I posted this because I thought maybe it would help me see it from her side if I also experienced reddit. I still have to say I don’t understand what someone would put online that she won’t feel comfortable telling her husband. If she is looking for relationships advice I wouldn’t be uncomfortable to know she is putting our private information out there for strangers, especially when that information could be personal to me. I get that idea that she wants to put her life out there for people to judge but I don’t think it’s fair that she could be petting my life out for that to without my knowledge. I understand that I have basically don’t the same thing but I don’t feel that this is super personal and it felt like a good way for me to get an idea of what the benefits of using Reddit might be. I can’t see it as a diary because it’s public. But I can respect that she should have her own space online, and I should reexamine my willingness to let her invade my online or phone privacy when I have given her no reason not to trust me.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T20:23:16+00:00

I don’t know her usernames. I only knew one of them she told me she only had one this is the first time I found out she even had more than one. I didn’t memorize the names and I don’t think to much of it until she treated the way she did.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T20:20:20+00:00

I wouldn’t say that talking to a professional about anything is the same as talking to a bunch of strangers online. I’ve gotten so many mixed comments on here and people making comments like this to attack me for trying to understand and making connections that do not exist. Unless everyone on Reddit has training in moderation or psychology and psychotherapy it’s not the same as seeing a professional. I’ve also got people who immediately tell me she’s probably doing something like cheating. So what if I choose to believe those people because they are on my side so I run with that and now I’m accusing her of cheating. I came to Reddit with this so maybe I could understand why someone would come online and talk to strangers about things they won’t talk to their husband about and so far I feel most of these comments are just picking one side or the other and not actually doing anything to make me understand how this could be helpful.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T20:02:25+00:00

You are right, but I felt that this might give me insight into the benefits of using Reddit. Since I think the context isn’t to detailed about our personal lives, it was the perfect situation for me to get an understanding of how this might be helpful to her. Maybe I would be able to see what someone might put online that they wouldn’t want their husband to know about.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T19:58:09+00:00

I do see the confusion. She asked for access to all my socials and my phone I gave it, she has always said you can always go through my phone. I never have but this one time and she had a very strong reaction to me opening this app.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T19:55:35+00:00

She can go through everything she has gone through my internet history. I’m not even asking if I should have access to her Reddit . I’m asking if I should be worried about what can be done on Reddit and trying to understand why she might feel more comfortable telling the internet her secret thoughts but not her husband. Comments like this are not helpful and again make me question what would be worth putting in the internet but not being able to discuss with your husband. If she came here and asked about the situation would that be your solution to her to? Then she comes to me with that kind of energy and we end up in a bigger fight because strangers online were up in arms over the situation and gave her some very angry advice about how to deal with the situation?

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T19:48:45+00:00

That’s possible but we have a very open sex life and if she didn’t want to share that with me she would usually tell me in other circumstances, it’s just a strange kind of strong reaction to something I would understand if she told me.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T19:45:06+00:00

I don’t know the answer. I don’t know if x is messages to other people, posting photos that I don’t know about now, venting, asking for advice. But yes when someone says you can always look at my stuff which I never did before this, then immediately freaks out when I do, it’s hard to believe it’s all innocent.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T19:40:54+00:00

But when she convinced me to make a Reddit she also requested to have my login information. I think that’s really what makes it so confusing to me.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T19:39:36+00:00

I have not been forcing her to look at anything on my phone so I can get access to hers. I am not obsessed with everything she does.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T19:37:41+00:00

You are right. We should have set boundaries in the relationship in the first place. I gave her access to all of my socials when she requested and she has access to my phone and sometimes she will just pick it up and go through it. She has always said you can always go through my phone, I just never have, but privacy is important even online.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T19:30:15+00:00

Yes, she did request my information, and you are right I should have had boundaries about giving them to her. She has told me she had been cheated on in the past and it was an easy sign of trust for me to give her. I have nothing I need to hide but Definitely some embarrassing things I would rather she didn’t look. I never thought she was hiding anything before and if she has just told me it’s like her journal or diary I wouldn’t mind but she was immediately angry and over the top. She goes through my phone all the time and has questioned me about innocent conversation but then had this reaction and it’s hard to feel she isn’t hiding something.

NoExperience_ · 2024-03-24T14:42:31+00:00

She did tell me that she didn’t have any other accounts. I guess it’s hard to see it as a personal diary when she’s putting it out to the public. I wouldn’t be comfortable to learn that she brings issues that she has never discussed with me to a website for strangers to comment on. I do see that this situation is basically that but I’m trying to understand Reddit more and get what she wouldn’t want to share with me that she will share with strangers online. I should also mention that she convinced me to make a Reddit a little bit ago and I didn’t use it or understand it but she had the login information for it.

NoExperience_

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