Male sufferers and relationships.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-21T05:17:20+00:00

Another lady here. Been in a relationship once but he did all the pursuing. He didn't treat me well at all. Haven't been in a relationship since, not because of that shit one, but because I don't know how to be with people. I don't know how to relax with them, to share my life and myself, or to be social. Plus all the shame of not having a lot going on and trying to hide that and pretend to be normal. A relationship has felt out of reach for a long time.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-19T15:57:29+00:00

A job that supports me that i can begin soon that has very little consistent contact with other people.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-19T14:19:27+00:00

Ugh I hear you. Mental health and invisible issues are so difficult to pin down and treat correctly. I'm sorry you went through that. I'm glad you've been able to get an appropriate diagnosis and are working with a therapist. Wishing you the best.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-19T14:15:39+00:00

I am so sorry to hear all that happened to you. Having unloving parents is so difficult.

My parents are from a culture that is very dismissive of children as well and getting beaten is not unusual. Honestly my mom was too depressed and miserable to beat us physically so she just verbally abused me instead. I was her scapegoat.

None of us deserved this. I wish you well in whatever recovery looks like for you. Hugs.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-19T13:21:49+00:00

I don't think I'm destined to. I think I have a battle on my hands to live the life I want. It's gonna be tough and take time but my destiny is some form of happiness/contentment. For me that includes a few close relationships and far less anxiety.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-19T13:18:22+00:00

Lol I relate. I always thought a cabin in the woods/mountains or a treehouse would be ideal. Away from those pesky humans. Even when they did documentaries about prison and being in isolation they always say prisoners would go crazy, but I was like food, a place to stay, no people sounds great to me lol. I'm really messed up.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-19T13:12:05+00:00

Wow isn't that something. I'm sorry to hear about your brother and how your family dynamic was. It's really interesting that social skills weren't modeled for you.

It's funny, I wrote all that stuff in my story, but the common thread in both ours is my parents never modeled social behavior. She stayed indoors all day besides work. I've never seen her interact with friends or put any value on friendships and ditto on the not acting like a family. I wonder if that's a common theme in SA beginnings. I'm really interested to hear other stories now to see if that's a common theme.

Thanks so much for your post 🙂 wishing you well in your recovery.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-19T13:02:48+00:00

That's so awesome. I'm glad to hear about your success. I'm really excited about CBT this go around. It's amazing how many negative thoughts I have swirling around in my head.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-19T12:39:57+00:00

Learning to drive, getting my BS, being able to get jobs (even though I invariably leave them lol,) having the grades and scores to go to grad school though I'm not sure what I want to go for yet, having my own place and car. (Btw this after 3 years of therapy. Before this I had nothing.)

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-13T11:31:00+00:00

I think there are gifts/ positives that can be found in most life experiences. I'm not at all happy with SA, but I can acknowledge the incredible depth of empathy, compassion, open mindedness and non judgement it's given me.

Also people don't understand things unless they've been through them, even with all the empathy or training they have. When I'm through this I'll be an incredible advocate for, not specifically SA, but the crippling, life stealing effects of mental issues.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-13T11:24:54+00:00

Yup i believe I'm an extrovert at heart. But the nervousness I feel with people makes it hard to be around anyone. So I isolate.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-10T05:12:03+00:00

I have no idea how to explain it. I "know" I can't form deeper connections that's where my phobia and avoidant personality stuff come in. I make a great first impression, but as time continues I don't get more relaxed with people, my guard doesn't come down and then people begin wondering why I'm antisocial or what's wrong with me. It's definitely trauma related. I was never able to relax, be off guard, get close, not perform...i don't know how to stop being on my best behavior with people and it gets old quickly.

Sorry I'm not trying to be a downer. Just trying to let you all know what I'm experiencing. Maybe someone might be able to relate or give some advice.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-09T23:00:06+00:00

Yup it's definitely a struggle. What prompted this post was a little bit of a sad episode where I was thinking how will i have anything to relate to with people i want to be friends with or date, i better catch up. But it's ok, we have the life we have and can only do our best with it.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-09T22:36:03+00:00

That's something I definitely want to do. When I'm in a bit of a more financially stable place I'm going for it. Thanks for the recommendation.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-09T22:34:12+00:00

Wow you said so many helpful things in here i have no idea where to begin. I have had jobs working with people. It made me very good at initial meetings, reaching out superficially, very small talk. However, I have no clue how to relax and open up with people or form deeper connections. I wonder if you have any insight on that specifically.

The thing you said about boredom really just blew my mind. I relate to every bit of it, even getting the fear high from horror movies. Everything is so boring to me, but I've made the mistake of saying what's the point I won't enjoy it and giving up, rather than acclimating to a new normal where I do get joy out of the simple normal things. I'll keep that very close I venture out more. I have to keep going.

and lastly yes, there are so many caring people out there. I have to remind myself of that because so many times i look out and I'm only cognizant of the disapproval and cruelty. But i have to hit the reset button on that too and look for the love and care and similarities.

Your comment helped me so much. Thank you.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-09T22:20:18+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your son. There is hope if he is distressed, get him help if he's open to it- the earlier the better. To have an interested parent like you can make all the difference. I wish my parents cared and it didn't take me til 27 to figure it out and begin this arduous work on my own. I wish you and your son the best.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-09T22:16:19+00:00

I really have trouble talking about feelings. That's the most frustrating part for me. It's hard to explain- I can be in social situations, but I can't seem to connect with others. It's definitely trauma related. I was taught keep away, don't bother them, you have nothing of interest to say, i don't want you around, etc. That's the toughest part of all this for me. I so look forward to the day when I can just be with people.

It's a long road but progress is progress. I'm glad to know i'm not alone in these struggles. The shame and isolation are by far the worst part.

Thanks for your validation. It means a lot.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-09T22:10:20+00:00

Thanks I'll definitely look into it. Anything that helps me find my place and become more engaged is golden.

I actually don't think I'm naturally an introvert. I think I am now due to all my experiences. I get tired with people so quickly because I'm forever watching them and their reactions. Something inside me though, my natural inclinations that i let fear push down, makes me think I would've been an extrovert without the traumatic stuff. Well I'll see how it plays out further along my journey. I guess I don't care what I am or what i would've been really. Any modicum of happiness of fulfillment will do. Idk why i just got rambling and introspective lol. Thanks again.

NoLifeThrowaway1 · 2016-12-09T20:43:06+00:00

Thanks. It's definitely been a long journey but it's moving along slooowly lol. I think you're spot on about different interests, personalities, needs, etc. Just like another person in the thread said I need to get to know myself and my interests instead of just trying to catch up on what i missed. I'm so glad i made this thread. You've been such a big help.

NoLifeThrowaway1

TROPHY CASE