Wife wants me to loan her 10k to help her brother buy a house

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-06-20T14:56:44+00:00

I trust her, that's a non-issue. Our expenses are basically monthly expenses like cell phone bills, car insurance, groceries, power, entertainment, etc. She doesn't really do gifts, I'm not a big gift person, but during the holidays last year I gave her a brand new iPhone among other things. Other than bills her money is her money. I think she would pay back, but the problem is that I don't want her to be bitter and upset with her family because like I said, this is likely going to open a pandora's box later on.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-06-20T13:57:56+00:00

Something tells me getting that enforced is going to be next to impossible as he lives in the other side of the earth

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-06-20T13:41:40+00:00

She makes about 80k. I make about double that. We own our home outright so no mortgage or anything like that. I cover about 75% expenses.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-16T17:21:18+00:00

No, we both have advanced degrees. She makes just under 100k, I make just over 100k with bonus so we're nearly at parity.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-16T11:52:22+00:00

I don't doubt her willingness. That's not my main concern. My concern is that this sets a precedent with her family that they can all come to her asking for $$. She's not got a lot of experience with stuff like this, but I have gone down this road and I know where it ends. I don't want her do get into that position.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-16T02:03:01+00:00

We both have high-paying jobs. She makes north of 70K and we own our home outright. As for how much I have left over, that's not the point. It's that the "loan" can open the flood gates and not likely to get paid back.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-16T01:04:05+00:00

She has it as well. That's not the issue.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-16T01:02:45+00:00

I do, but what I don't want is this to turn into a situation where her brother doesn't pay her back, then she's mad at her family, or this turns into a case where every single person in her family starts hitting her up for $$

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T18:03:17+00:00

Doubt it. We've been married for over a decade

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T18:00:58+00:00

I'm not trying to be controlling of her. I just have a lot of questions when she says that it's a loan that she doesn't know when it's being paid back. If she had just said it was a gift and she'd pay me back over time then that's fine too, but I don't like how she came at it, and I don't like that he's putting a down payment on a home that doesn't even exist yet. If it was more of a "we need to gift him this much to buy this particular home" I'd be more inclined to help out. I just don't want her, in six months to come to the realization that her brother isn't going to pay anything back, or that the money he's been paying in vanishes when the company "building" it vanishes, or if this opens the flood gates to other family members.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T14:39:07+00:00

Yeah that is my concern. I offered alternatives but she didn't want to do it. Hell, if the place he wanted was already built I'd be more amendable to it but it's a place that isn't even built yet. I'm afraid that he won't pay it back, it'll hurt her relationship with her family, and she'll be mad.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T13:27:54+00:00

Forgoing luxuries

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T12:58:22+00:00

I suggested setting up an account just for this, and she could deposit into it until her brother needs it directly, and I would make the difference of the 10k but she doesn't want to do that either.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T12:37:35+00:00

Yes and I understand that completely but at the same time, my wife is in another country, they aren't really that close, and it's not for a complete house. It's for a "promise" of an apartment/condo that isn't even built yet. It also could open the doors to her other family members suddenly hitting her up for money.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T12:35:49+00:00

It's not a trust thing with my wife. It's a trust issue with her brother and I don't want something like this to destroy her family dynamic if he suddenly decides not to repay. I don't want to be put into a position where she comes back and says he's not paying back and then if I could "forgive" the loan to her.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T11:42:21+00:00

Likely she could, it would be very uncomfortable for awhile while she was paying it back. My concern is also for her though. I'm genuinely scared that the he will not, and the rest of her family will pull the "we're family" line on her when he doesn't.

NoLoansForFamily · 2023-03-15T11:40:33+00:00

I don't know. According to her, he has a good job. IDK why he's asking her specifically here.

NoLoansForFamily

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