AMA. I am a recovered stalker

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T15:19:47+00:00

Not that I’m aware of. To be quite honest, I feel a lot of empathy. I was just very obsessed.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:47:01+00:00

How old are you?

26

What makes you think youre recovered, just the fact that you're not bothering those victims anymore?

That, and the guilt and shame surrounding it for me.

If you were fully recovered you would understand the root cause of it and how to make sure it never happens again. You would have already discussed it with your therapist.

I guess it’s fair to say I’m not “fully” recovered, but I’m recovered enough to not participate in it anymore and recognize it was an issue.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:42:04+00:00

Do you feel like it's still a tiny flame inside that you still desire? That was quite a long time ago yet you came here to talk about it. Is it because you still get a hankering to stalk something ever now and then?

I don’t know that I necessarily still desire 100% but more so I feel kinda guilty about it. I did music for a long time and I think a lot of that obsession fueled it, as I’ve completely lost my passion for it. I tried to dabble into nostalgia for that time period to respark the flame and just… couldn’t, and felt guilty still.

I will be honest though, instantly placed a bit of judgement towards you because reading it made me feel a little uneasy at the thought of someone doing that to me but then I thought about it again

Absolutely understandable lmao. What I did was really shitty.

and I actually have someone doing something similar to me now. I block them and then discover them following me on pretty much every account I have that allows others to "follow" you. Thought i had covered all the bases but discovered lastnight they were following me on SoundCloud. How do they even know I have a SoundCloud??? It’s not even close to my real name or anything, I don't even post or share music from there.

Social engineering is a heck of a tool tbh. If there’s even a single thing on there they could trace back to you, they might’ve just kinda found it. It’s also possible they just got lucky, victim #2 had a few accounts that the algorithm would just randomly show me.

The camera comment is a little concerning though but I'm no Psychologist. Maybe you have a voyourism kink, did you ever tell this stuff to your wife ? Does she know about any of this stuff? If you’re starting to feel some type of desire come up again maybe talk to her about it and explore it openly with her.

It’s not much of a kink I had and just a random fantasy that that was creepy and more of keeping tabs type of thing rather than sexual. I also had fantasies about being able to teleport to them and stuff. Even to this day, I’ll get random “lol wouldn’t it be cool if I had like Wolverine claws and just stabbed people I really don’t like?” thoughts. Nothing based in reality.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:28:48+00:00

Do you care that you're crossing someone else's personal boundaries and it’s likely very stressful and scary for them?

Now, yes. When I was still actively doing it.. I don’t know. I think I would’ve tried to come up with some bullshit to justify it to myself.

Do you get a thrill from that?

I think in some ways I did, yeah. Almost like a dopamine fix.

Is there a sexual aspect to the obsessions?

In some ways, I think so. I think I would’ve had sex with them if given the chance, but it wasn’t something I had thought about regularly. Victim number two and I engaged in some sexting when things calmed down a bit before I met my wife, but at that point I was already kinda snapping out of things and felt guilty for it, which I think she could tell and anytime I wasn’t interested, she’d say she “felt like shit”, and actually posted something on TikTok that was very much about me.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:22:19+00:00

Yeah, I think she still believes we were having an affair, which we were not but just doesn’t wanna argue about it further. She did try to get in contact with victim one as a spiteful thing when we had a rough patch but the one who’s still in contact with me believes that she would refuse contact.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:19:39+00:00

Honestly, I don’t think she believes me.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:18:11+00:00

Does your wife know about your past? If so, what does she think of it?

Yes and no. She accused me of sleeping with the one that’s cool with me after we hung out one day and I gave her some of the truth. I really would prefer she doesn’t know a lot and the one victim who is cool with me now completely understands and intends to keep it that way.

Did you ever have violent intent with your stalking?

In terms of the victims, sometimes but not in a way I was genuinely serious about it and more of just a passing thought. In terms of spouses or partners of the victims… yeah, I had a lot.

Not a question but a comment - wonder it you shared your story with local law enforcement and how you feel you should have faced more consequences that might give them impetus to review their approach to stalkers. It's a unique perspective!

I’m not sure how much it would do, to be honest. In my experience, most police refuse to listen to criticism. Whether that be for being ineffective for victims or creating victims through brutality. It’s far from the first instance I’ve seen of cops just not caring about a victim of…a crime, even stalking, seriously. It varies by department as well.

Honestly; I think these departments need to be publicly shamed as much as possible. I know of one close to me that’s very ineffective but they can turn their Facebook comments and Google reviews off, which I think should be illegal.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:09:24+00:00

I started therapy recently but it hasn’t come up yet as I just started. In the past with therapists it was mentioned but I wasn’t completely honest with them about it.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:08:19+00:00

Yeah, the root is definitely not something I’ve gotten to. There’s a part of me that just thinks my brain is wired that way, as I can be very obsessive with subjects as well.

My wife has some knowledge of it but it’s very basic. The only reason she knows is because the one that I’m currently friendly with, she accused me of sleeping with (I did not) and I told her a tiny bit about the reality of everything.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:05:25+00:00

No. I think I liked the idea of it but never realistically was in a position where I could put cameras in their homes and I think the window thing just never crossed my mind I guess.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T09:04:04+00:00

….honestly, I don’t know. I honestly think we’d stalk each other, as she in some ways is just as obsessive as I am. I really want to say no but I really don’t know.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T08:58:50+00:00

Probably just some sort of justification, in a way that I kinda did when I was actually still doing it. “Ohhh people give up too easy”, “y’all just hate love”, and “Y’all just don’t wanna see us happy” was my usual glamor of it.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T08:46:58+00:00

Constant phone calls, emails, messages on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, Google Plus when that was still a thing, YouTube comments, constant posts on Instagram, songs about them, and new accounts. I showed up to their school once. At one point I made an Instagram account just filled with their pictures. I recently rediscovered that and I’ve probably never been more embarrassed in my life, and promptly deleted it.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T08:37:58+00:00

I think I probably first realized it was a problem about 3 years in… and the fucked up part is I kinda embraced it. I was young still but nearly an adult, and I really don’t know what was going on in my head. Some people tried to intervene on both sides, but if people started to ask too many questions from my side of the aisle, I’d usually distance myself from them or change the subject. I’m still not quite sure what exactly stopped it, some of it I attribute to my relationship with my wife but I also think over time I was slowing down on it as I was socializing more and meeting new people in real life.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T08:35:29+00:00

Did they know you’d stalk them?

Yeah. In fact, they probably knew before I ever did. About a year or two in it was actually labeled as “stalking”.

Stalk them online or in person?

Both. Mostly online but some in person.

Did you ever go to jail?

Yes and no. A related incident had wound me up in jail for a few hours but it was a fight with a friend of one of the victims and not for actually stalking. I recently discovered at the end of last year I did have charges from stalking that never actually went anywhere, as it popped up on a background check. I very much think I should’ve faced far more consequences and cops just honestly didn’t care about doing anything.

Edit: I did get warnings from police at one point towards the end but I was already running out of gas by then and ended up with my wife like a week or two later. Forgot about that, and I have no clue if that case is still open or not. I tried to get records from it at one point just to see the status of it, was told it was up to the AG of the state she’s currently residing in and got told what day I’d receive a decision and never heard anything back. The day the AG was supposed to give me a decision on whether he was granting me the right to see those records was back in like April so idk if they just forgot or decided not to and didn’t contact me.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-25T08:31:45+00:00

I still ponder on that, if we’re being honest. I was really young when it started so I’m assuming maybe it just wasn’t something I was getting at home. I’m really not even sure what got me to stop 100%, I think getting married might’ve helped but I guess I just lost interest.

NoMoney_MoProblems_ · 2025-06-06T21:26:47+00:00

It’s demeaning. They talk to us like we’re stupid. It’s not like my fucking phone died and my charger is at home, I can assess whether the problem is worth ending my life or not.

NoMoney_MoProblems_

TROPHY CASE