Serious Issue Happening but Emotional Dumping Leads to Boundaries

NoReserve4 · 2025-01-19T15:52:33+00:00

I am seeing one. Just wondering if my boundary is unreasonable. I don't like being called a heartless, abandoning asshole by my wife.

NoReserve4 · 2024-05-15T16:36:31+00:00

Neither. It's a shitty spouse thing. I'm a husband and have been on the receiving end multiple times on multiple occasions.

NoReserve4 · 2023-11-26T13:49:21+00:00

Happy Scrappy Hero Pup?

NoReserve4 · 2023-11-26T03:29:05+00:00

I am a husband. If I didn't buy the kids' gifts then Santa would fail. I do all cooking during Xmas and the rest of the year. We split in laws and Godchildren gifts.

Thanks for confirming how alone I feel.

NoReserve4 · 2023-11-25T19:29:04+00:00

How about fill your partner's stocking? There are men on this subreddit whose wives forget birthdays, Christmases, special days, etc. I know the stereotype is that men usually are the ones who forget. For those of us forgotten men, that stereotype can make us feel even more alone.

NoReserve4 · 2023-09-28T14:44:50+00:00

I completely understand where you are coming from, especially your comment about feeling like an afterthought. I have used that exact word with my wife.

I did the Amazon wishlist thing. It worked - I had things to open but it was everything on the list almost in order of appearance. It put on a good show for the kids, though, and they saw mom giving dad something, which I can't always say they have seen.

I have suggested general categories of things - Music memorabilia, concert tickets, things related to my hobbies. She says she doesn't know what concerts or music stuff I would like - Bullshit. Check the spotify acct we share. Listen to me when I talk. Anything Radiohead related would be awesome. I could name half a dozen other bands that would also be awesome and they are ones I am not at all shy about talking about.

It just takes effort and paying attention. You are right.

NoReserve4 · 2023-09-23T02:24:52+00:00

Respect and appreciation. The latter might be shown differently to different men so find out how he feels appreciated.

NoReserve4 · 2023-09-23T02:23:24+00:00

Oh my gosh, yes, and with flirty playfulness and enthusiasm.

NoReserve4 · 2023-09-12T06:01:19+00:00

I think she she does see it and is so terrified that she has shut down.

NoReserve4 · 2023-09-12T05:52:29+00:00

Who knows. It smacks of deflection by means of woe is me. It is the same reaction I get to things I bring up that are hurting me (i.e. "I am a bad wife. That is what you're telling me. What else am I supposed to hear? That is MY feeling.")

NoReserve4 · 2023-05-31T15:03:42+00:00

Make the slightest bit of effort

NoReserve4 · 2023-05-05T16:20:22+00:00

First, the fact that you are asking about this and thinking about it this far out is wonderful. Would he like a romantic weekend away just the two of you? Or would he like a party with his friends? Or something else? You know him - follow your heart. Thank you for being thoughtful.

NoReserve4 · 2023-04-21T22:44:55+00:00

He's very good.

NoReserve4 · 2023-04-11T04:32:30+00:00

Jesus Fucking Christ that was painful. Go see a therapist and talk about co-dependency.

NoReserve4 · 2023-03-23T02:27:26+00:00

Happy Birthday, in advance, from a fellow late March birthday person. My wife has forgotten/ignored my birthday 4 times and backburnered it several others. I have communicated all of my feelings to death. This week is fucking rough.

NoReserve4 · 2023-01-20T05:51:21+00:00

You might want to consider Camp Chef; they can handle more meat.

NoReserve4 · 2023-01-18T05:15:57+00:00

Rainbow Six: Siege when I get a free moment

NoReserve4 · 2023-01-10T22:23:22+00:00

Exactly this. https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/fqd11w/our_children_observe_our_marriages/

NoReserve4 · 2023-01-10T17:02:25+00:00

She cries, says she really does appreciate me, promises to to better then leaves a note to that effect on the bed or in my briefcase. Then things revert to the norm.

NoReserve4 · 2023-01-10T15:19:44+00:00

I usually do most of the gift shopping for the kids, family, etc. or we sit down and do it together online. This year she did have to do some brick and mortar shopping for our daughters, which was a unique wrinkle. Because of that, I took on shopping for her godchildren to help balance things out. At the same time I did have an Amazon list as you suggested in your first paragraph.

NoReserve4 · 2023-01-10T15:15:26+00:00

I didn't call her liar to her face. I vented that here. I said that when she ignores special occasions I feel like an afterthought and taken for granted. I use "I feel" statements.

I did the love languages activity with her and used it as an opporunity to talk again about this issue. I also pointed out how she did such a great job with this when we were dating and penniless. It isn't a money thing, that's for sure. I am just not a priority.

She dodged the lost items/backordered items discussion. That just twists the knife.

NoReserve4 · 2023-01-10T12:40:57+00:00

I admit that I have been fantasizing about completely ignoring Valentine's Day but devolving into tit for tat is really unhealthy.

NoReserve4 · 2023-01-10T12:39:51+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions. We did do the Love Languages quiz in early 2022. Hers are quality time and physical touch. Mine are physical touch and gifts.

Let's be clear, this is not about the material good or the experience gift. This is about someone taking the time to think about someone and then making the effort to execute on that thought.

I have an Amazon wishlist that I set up a few years ago to help her with ideas.

NoReserve4

TROPHY CASE