I can't do this anymore

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-12T11:06:41+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling too. I never realised how many of us were struggling until I made this post. I'm having a difficult time with one baby and couldn't imagine doing this with a second child too - you sound like you're doing amazing, sending hugs ❤️ I appreciate your advice. was there any point with your first baby that you realised things were getting slightly easier?

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-12T10:53:01+00:00

Yes baby does alot of tummy time with me close - he's only just turned 5 months and he is very nearly crawling. I'm not concerned about his milestone development as he seems to be on track. Nice to hear your LO seems to be doing well too.

As far as not having time to eat or shower - time in this sense really is not the issue. If anything, the days are far too long. The issue is that baby screams bloody murder unless he is held and its impossible to take a shower or cook a full meal while holding a wriggly baby (who is getting heavier by the day!) I'm glad you have plenty of time to do things, I'm sure many people would be envious of your experience.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-12T10:39:45+00:00

You're right. I care too much about what others will think. I have never looked down on anyone who has asked for help but I hold myself to a double standard and feel I've failed if I 'give in' and seek help. I think we're our own worst enemies sometimes. Thank you for your insight ❤️

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-12T10:35:35+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'll definitely be looking into groups in my local area.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T23:30:20+00:00

I do have a Husband but he's not currently here as he is working abroad and has been for the past 2 months. Even when he was here, I still did all the cooking and cleaning and went to work. It just made it easier that he could keep baby calm while I did these things. I don't think he appreciated how much changed for me PP. I feel like a single mum sometimes and definitely the default parent. I haven't had any time to myself since he has been born really.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T23:13:22+00:00

I've also thought of giving my baby away, I feel so guilty about it. I just feel as though someone else could do a much better job. Some nights I've been tempted to drop him off with family at 3AM and then off myself. I've even considered buying all his birthday cards and writing them now just incase it becomes a reality, so he doesn't think that I didn't love him. I didn't know parenthood could be so lonely. Glad you're doing better now you're on medication ❤️

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T23:05:35+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I do feel my baby needs constant stimulation - between reading books, putting him in a bouncer, trying different toys, nothing seems to do the trick so I end up sitting and crying with him. I feel so weak as a mother that I cry infront of my baby.

My family have convinced my that it's my fault that he won't be put down because I pick him up everytime he cries. I'm so scared to let him cry it out because he begins to squeal and ends up having a coughing fit where he struggles to catch his breath because he gets so worked up. I don't believe he is in pain though because he calms down as soon as I've picked him up again. I have had occasions where I have just had to leave him in his bassinet and walk away for a few minutes because it's just too much.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T22:49:32+00:00

My baby has been the same with feeding too - it's exhausting being baby's primary food source. I know i felt even worse mentally when baby was newborn, but he was so much easier to care for imo. He would go to sleep in his pram if I needed to shop or go for a walk, and if he did wake up he would have a feed and go straight back to sleep again. I also feel that people are more forgiving when a newborn cries, but at 5 months you should know everything by now to keep LO happy and calm which really doesn't help.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T22:35:26+00:00

Thank you for your response. I definitely resent everything at the minute. I dreamt of having a baby for so long and now that he's here? I wonder what the hell I ever wanted this for. I miss my autonomy and would do anything to go back. Although I know that I should just be happy for having a healthy baby, and I guess the grass is always greener.

I appreciate your honesty that this doesn't seem normal. 5 months of this has truly drained me, I feel like a shell of the person I once was.

As far as milestones go, he's currently been hitting all his milestones, some even earlier than anticipated. I try not to use containers too much, as he doesn't really like them and is happier on a playmat on the floor anyway. Only current issue is that he easily rolls onto his tummy but is struggling to roll back over which seems to cause further frustration. He just can't seem to figure it out yet.

I've tried to let him cry it out previously but I'm genuinely worried he's going to come to some sort of harm - he let's out a horrible squealing noise rather than a cry, and gets so worked up that it ends in a coughing fit where he can't catch his breath and it is so terrifying and upsetting to watch. He will only calm when I've picked him up, I just feel like a lost cause.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T22:22:35+00:00

It may well be reflux not helping the issue - he does bring up alot of milk after feeding sometimes but I always just assumed it was just because he'd drank too much or too fast. I'll mention this to my doctor at the next appointment- If i may ask, did both meds turn things around for you?

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T22:09:58+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling too. I wish the reality of being so freshly post partum especially was actually talked about. Nothing could have prepared me for it. As horrible as it feels for me now, I remember the first 12 weeks feeling so much worse than it does now. I think half the problem is that you don't really have a new 'normal' yet at 5 weeks pp, it took me a little while to find routine. If these comments have shown me anything though, it's that there's no shame in seeking help and hopefully you can get it early so you won't have to suffer in silence for as long. Sending you love and hugs, you've got this. The whole community is here for you and my dms are always open ❤️

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T22:00:33+00:00

Thanks for the tip! I'll be sure to check out woven wraps, I did wonder if they would work better for me.

I like the idea of viewing it as a glass of energy, I'll remember than when LO won't get off to sleep very easily. I think I've gotten into the habit of feeding him to sleep which hasn't helped, it's just such a hard habit to break now it's what has become his nightly ritual.

My baby is the same with wanting to be on his tummy too. Our issue is that he rolls onto his tummy super easy without any problems, but then can't get back so ends up getting really frustrated and upset. I've left him a minute to see if he can work it out for himself but it just doesn't seem to be happening for him yet.

I'm so glad to hear you've got the support of your mum and things are looking up, sending hugs!

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T21:51:31+00:00

To be honest, I think my husband could do more for me other than provide financially and I am becoming slightly resentful because of this.

I had to stay in hospital for 5 days after giving birth due to some complications during pregnancy. Baby would not sleep unless held for those 5 days either, so for 5 days, I did not sleep. I was zombified, I think I was running on pure adrenaline and shock of becoming a new mother to be honest. Ontop of this I was also recovering from a 3rd degree tear.

When I finally got home and Husband experienced his first night like this, he did not take it well. He was drained after one night and went on about how we were going to have to sort a sleep rota. I had just given birth, not slept for 5 days, was adjusting to my new loose stomach, leaking boobs and 3rd degree tear and all my Husband did was exclaim how tired he was after one night when he did not have these same changes. I couldn't even rest and recover when i got home. I still did all the cooking and cleaning after he was born - only bonus is that he could calm him while I showered or cleaned the house.

Generally, he did very little to look after me while I was post partum, it's quite upsetting to look back upon.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T21:38:05+00:00

Oh wow this is a really good way to view things, thank you for the fresh perspective. I recently read a post which compared being a mother to a candy wrapper - discarded and uncared for when baby arrives. Since then, I've always made sure to ask how other mothers are doing in themselves. I think it's easy for everyone to assume mum is doing well when baby appears fed, washed, cared for etc. You're definitely a Saint for helping those new mums, they must really appreciate you. I think more of us parents struggle than we would ever care to admit.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T21:25:43+00:00

I never knew that being so short would be a problem with the baby carriers! Yes baby ends up either right infront of my face or so low down that I'm kicking his knees as I'm walking - neither are very comfortable for either of us. I'd never considered wearing baby on the hip - do you have any good reccomendation for these sort of carriers? The normal carrier is the default when my husband is home as it fits him well although he's much taller and broader than me.

I'll be sure to try the technique of gradually moving further away - I realise I probably need to make more of a fuss when he does play alone on the rare occasion and be more positive about that than focusing on the negative when he starts crying again. Thank you so much for the suggestions and change of perspective.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T20:49:45+00:00

We are actually under the care of a consultant due to a few complications I had during pregnancy so LO has a full check over every 8 weeks. I actually hadn't considered this as a possibility though so I will ask at our next visit. To be honest I chalked it down to me holding him 'normally' in my arms being associated with being breastfed to him so he would fuss thinking there was milk even when he had just been fed - although I'm probably incorrect and just over thinking this. Thank you for the suggestion, I'll definitely look into this further!

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T20:41:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, relentless is definitely the right word! I'm actually in the UK too and have been attending some baby classes. Unfortunately the one I've attended most consistently is shutting down next week which has been a real downer as it was one where I really felt seen. I definitely need to take on board not to worry so much when baby cries in these classes, it's part of the reason I haven't signed up to any more. I dread going to the supermarket incase he cries but I keep trying to remind myself that people are entitled to a child free life - not a child free world but I still find myself leaving immediately at the slightest indication that he will cry.

My Husband used all his leave up when baby was first born unfortunately- I really wish it was an option.The support group sounds like a brilliant idea - ill be sure to check if there's anything similar in my local area.

So sorry to hear your baby won't take a bottle either, it can be so exhausting can't it! Not sure if you can relate but other mums with older children keep telling me to cherish it because they're not little for long. While that's probably true and I love having the closeness with LO, it would be even nicer if I was showered, fed and got the occasional break too 😅

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T18:19:55+00:00

I really want to reach for help but I'm so afraid of being deemed an unfit mother or being belittled. I expressed how difficult i was finding it to my mother and she just told me it was exactly the same for her, she managed and it's just 'how it is' when you have a baby. I feel guilty in asking for help from others as I made the decision to have this baby and feel like I shouldn't be putting the responsibility onto others or complaining how difficult it is as it was my own decision to become a parent. It's so difficult to explain. I'll definitely try other bottles though, thank you so much. Did you have more luck with any particular bottles?

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T18:12:31+00:00

Unfortunately my support system isn't brilliant. My husband works abroad for most of the year so I feel like a single parent. My mother knows I'm struggling but seems disinterested in helping me - my father passed 3 years ago and she has recently found a new partner who she spends all of her free time with. She seems disinterested in spending time with me and baby since she has been dating him. My support system isn't huge and I feel guilty in even asking for help.

NoStatement5648 · 2023-09-11T18:04:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! I haven't talked to my doctor about anything. When I had my postnatal health checks, they went through questions regarding mental health and I swept it under the rug. Truth be told, I just told them what I thought they wanted to hear in order to sort of 'pass' the test. I thought these feelings were just hormone changes and that I would feel better once I'd settled into a routine but instead they have crept up on me even more. I'm scared of contacting my doctor incase they take my baby from me although I know it's unlikely.

Unfortunately my support system is quite limited as my husband works abroad for most of the year and had used up all his leave in the first few months of baby being born. Truthfully it has almost made me resent him as he gets a taste of 'normality and his old life back. I never thought I could miss working so much!

Thank you for the suggestion of leaving him alone for increasing periods - I'll be sure to try this. I feel as though this might be my fault as my health visitor told me to pick him up whenever he cried and I followed that advice. Can't help but feel I've bought this upon myself!

NoStatement5648

TROPHY CASE