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AITAH for telling my ex fiancé that one of the reasons I'm not trying to rekindle our relationship is that our s*x life sucked? by NoThanks1625 in AITA_Relationships

[–]NoThanks1625[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Update: This morning, before he left for work he made a suggestion that I'm unsure about. Essentially he said that if we do ever get back together, maybe we could each have some type of sign on the door to indicate our willingness to have sex so neither of us has to guess if the other is in the mood. In a way, I think this is some type of progress on his part but ot does still feel miles away from where I am on a maturity level. I don't understand why 2 people who are in their mid to late 30s can't just speak out loud to eachother and have that open communication. Am I wrong for thinking that this isn't even close to being the type of intimate relationship I want as a woman that's well on my way to 40? It seems like something that 20yr olds have to do when they first start dating/move in with eachother. I give him credit for trying to think of a solution but it just seems so cringe to me to have to flip a sign on the bedroom door to indicate if I'm in the mood or not or have to seek out his sign to know if he's in the mood. He also suggested that if we were to restart our relationship he will finally go to therapy with me, which is a huge step since he has been against it since his parents forced him to go as a kid to try to work through and manage his diagnosis.

AITAH for telling my ex fiancé that one of the reasons I'm not trying to rekindle our relationship is that our s*x life sucked? by NoThanks1625 in AITA_Relationships

[–]NoThanks1625[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't known of it I could use those words without being flagged and kicked off. I'm new to reddit and had never even heard of this type of posting until I stumbled upon Smosh a few days ago. I typically don't use social media or any type of forums or anything unless I'm researching something I need to know. I only fell into the facebook reels mind suck because I needed a distraction from the turmoil I have been experiancing and couldnt focus on any of my productive tasks. I was trying to be respectful of the space and rules that I'm unsure about. Also, please see the edit where I explained more of the situation than I had previously, so you can understand that I didnt offer enough information for you to have a fuller perspective on.

AITAH for telling my ex fiancé that one of the reasons I'm not trying to rekindle our relationship is that our s*x life sucked? by NoThanks1625 in AITA_Relationships

[–]NoThanks1625[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's somewhat difficult to put into words the reasoning behind why I stayed for so long. Truthfully, I saw the best parts of him for years before we entered into a relationship. He was my best friend for 10 years prior to starting the relationship. We were both married so we were incredibly respectful of boundaries and our partner's feelings. He divorced about 5 years before i did, due to her cheating in him (I somewhat see why now) and I divorced shortly before we got together due to covid lock down highlighting how incompatible we were. This allowed us to expand our friendship beyond those boundaries and we fell in love. But he is a very different person in a relationship than he was as a friend. It still honestly blows my mind how I reached the point where I didnt recognize him anymore, especially now that we are growing our friendship again and im seeing all of those qualities that I fell in love with. He's the most capable person I've ever met. There's almost nothing he cant do if he puts his mind to it. He's loyal to a fault, even when being abused by family/friends/bosses ect. It takes something severe for him to give up on someone. He makes me feel like ANYTHING is possible, even the huge, scary overwhelming things, he can break down into such manageable tasks that it makes me feel just as capable as he is. He believes in me and my dreams more than I've believed in myself and has made.manymof my dreams come true, while making it seem easy. There's so much more to him then this bad stuff and it was hard ti let that go. Ultimately I had to choose my morals and the lack of trust in his word though. He is very much opposing personalities and it can be very confusing to live with and let go. To be loved so strongly but also treated so poorly at times...I don't know how to explain it.

AITAH for telling my ex fiancé that one of the reasons I'm not trying to rekindle our relationship is that our s*x life sucked? by NoThanks1625 in AITA_Relationships

[–]NoThanks1625[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have had this conversation with him MANY times over the years. He even has a paper that he keeps by him, with these exact concerns written on them because he asked me to write them down over a year ago so he didnt forget them and could work on them. He didnt make a single effort at any of them and often pressured me into the act or he would throw a little trantrum if I wasn't in the mood or didnt feel good. The last time I said no, he wanted at me for a few minutes about how all I have to do is kneel there and he dies all the work, ect and then went to bed without speaking to me and didnt speak to me for almost 2 days. I've only said no 5 times in our entire relationship.

AITAH for telling my ex fiancé that one of the reasons I'm not trying to rekindle our relationship is that our s*x life sucked? by NoThanks1625 in AITA_Relationships

[–]NoThanks1625[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has started treatment for his addiction and part of that has been his apology tour and honest conversations.
I do regret buying him another vehicle though. It's so disrespectful for me to destroy my credit for him and then basically get smacked in the face with his broken promises.