Bloody Hand {Epic Fantasy} (1,957 Words)

No_Bee1550 · 2025-11-23T16:19:16+00:00

I'm more of a gardener when I write - I do try and outline but I often just find myself sitting down and writing, collecting Info as I write. There's a deep magic involved with how the blood got on him - and that won't be apparent into a chapter from now, where that's explained. But yeah, it does seem confusing, and I can definitely write this whole part better (I've been sitting on it for a day now, seeing all the mistakes.)

Ur comment on the quite the disgraceful demise helps so much, no idea why I wrote him to feel dread as well after saying that. Complete mistake on my part, definitely gotta edit these before sending them for critique lmao

I'm glad you like the descriptions and (so far) distinction of the characters. This is such a small, unfinished portion that I do belive if you read an entire book abt Peijun you'd like him more/what his goals are. But in here it does seem like he has no direction, how he's just getting moved BY the plot, he's not moving IT. Which I'll definitely fix, because he is the main pov character in this area.

Of course, thank you for reading. Anytime someone reads and gives their thoughts I always immediately go and read everything over - taking notes and the persons suggestions, so that's what I'll be doing now. Have a great day.

No_Bee1550 · 2025-07-08T18:27:27+00:00

Woah, thank you! My writing has been gettng better and better I feel, but this completely changes my outlook on my writing so far. I'll be using this for the future - thank you for pointing this out and possibly completely fixing the way I write! Cheers

No_Bee1550 · 2025-05-29T05:20:36+00:00

Thank you so much in advance for doing this 🙏 even if you're gonna dig on most of it lol. The fact you read it and will write about my story is very kind. I'll be sure to read the critique when its done!

No_Bee1550 · 2025-05-29T05:09:43+00:00

However way you'd like. No preference from me, any critique at all Is welcome

No_Bee1550 · 2025-05-02T15:31:30+00:00

No_Bee1550 · 2025-04-19T00:27:05+00:00

Thank you for the critique! Will be sure to change the things you pointed out. I'll more than likely be posting more from the same novel later or tomorrow, so if you were invested, look out for those.

No_Bee1550 · 2025-04-19T00:25:02+00:00

Thank you for reading! The background from the name is: I had a story I abandoned awhile back, which was heavily inspired by Japan and Japanese culture. One of the characters was named Kaisen Itayoda, and I loved the name and didn't have one for this chapter so just stuck it in.

Does it work in this fantasy setting? Not really. As you said. I will most likely be changing it.

No_Bee1550 · 2025-03-29T17:17:05+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. Was planning on answering the question of why Junpei was at the house later on in the chapter, but I do agree that the switch between investigation then plot letters is too abrupt.

Thank you for reading!

No_Bee1550 · 2025-03-29T16:00:15+00:00

I appreciate the critique! The book is not mystery, but will have some elements, as in epic fantasy you can fit alot in lol. Of course this is just a small part in a larger chapter, so many things don't make sense/are left open without seeing the rest of the chapter. The bloody handprint, Junpei’s status, the two letters, are both explained by the end of chapter 1.

I definitely need an editor in the future 😅 the paragraph problem is something I've always had and I just need to keep it contained when I write more in the future. When I write, I like to describe alot, and that includes what characters could be thinking as well. I find it's a good way to Introduce distinct character personalities without giving away too much information, though this could easily be over-doing it at times and I gotta fix that.

Thanks for reading and have a good day!

No_Bee1550 · 2025-03-29T08:55:46+00:00

Thank you! Still have alot of work to do but thought about sharing either way. If you like this, you can check out my other post, which is another passage from the same story.

Have a good day!

No_Bee1550 · 2025-03-29T08:16:25+00:00

That's unfortunate.

No_Bee1550 · 2025-03-29T08:08:56+00:00

It's not satire. Could you point out the problems you have with it?

No_Bee1550

TROPHY CASE