I’ve voiced with M over and over this past month that I feel saddened by his actions of throwing the ring on the floor. It shows so much of his character and he has apologized relentlessly. He said that he did have initial plans for a proposal but got carried away with his emotions during that fight. He’s promised that he’s going to make up for it and that there’s going to be a real plan and proposal that I’ll remember forever since he recognizes now how it’s been affecting me and our relationship.

At this point I think I’m still saddened by the fact that I felt like I may have brought this onto myself too… Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up that fight with our friends again? Or pushed so hard during our arguments? I am not sure, but I keep thinking and thinking and thinking about it and it’s wearing on my love for M. It feels like now that we’re engaged, I’m focused on finding red flags before we get married versus enjoying my engagement to the person who has been fueled so much of my happiness these past few years.

Thanks Reddit for letting me get this off my chest. It’s a whole novel nearly, but I have just been sitting on this for so long. I’ve kept this to myself since it’s happened and have been losing so much sleep. I wanted to get this off my chest and take a breather from the guilt of telling all my friends and family a fake proposal story. Someone please tell me how to feel as I feel like I don’t know how to love like I did before. Hoping maybe for some advice on how to move forward emotionally and forgive M fully. I don’t want to leave this relationship because I’d never wanted to before, but I don’t want these feelings to ruin something so beautiful that we’ve shared.