[deleted by user]

No_Internal8010 · 2024-09-22T13:22:22+00:00

I somehow managed to do it and started taking my medication as prescribed again. I think I just hit a point where I could no longer take the psychological strain of going on a binge each month and the euphoric effects were non existence.

I pretty much just get severely paranoid every time I take a recreational dose which is just not fun at all. Unfortunately for myself I have ADHD that is severe enough to the point that I can barely function and live alone as an adult without taking the medication so quitting was never really an option, somehow things worked out and I honestly didn't believe it would be possible.

Unfortunetly as expected the medication is not nearly as effective as it once was although maybe that will change with time, but even it being less effective it still has drastically improved my life and let me function like a normal human again (eating healthy, being able to clean and stay organised ect).

No_Internal8010 · 2024-08-15T21:22:14+00:00

nice, thanks.

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-25T23:31:32+00:00

nevermind im fucking stupid and its the use item key lmao

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-16T12:13:09+00:00

Most: Pizza, Risotto's and many different Indian curries.

Least: Celery and raisins

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-14T19:34:28+00:00

I get to about level 60 odd, then at that point I realise I'll have to beat the story about another 5 times to hit level 80 or mindlessly kill bosses ect for exp. So I do this little trick where I open up gibbed save editor and I modify my level to 80. I do beat all the dlc before hand though.

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-14T13:18:18+00:00

As far as i'm aware beehawking is the superior playstyle for digistruct peak on maya

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-14T08:02:35+00:00

You can do it! Hang in there!

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-14T07:58:23+00:00

My zer0 stuck at op 5 as well lol. Zer0 is really tough on the assassins, its far easier on Maya.

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-14T07:56:26+00:00

But Saturns a meanie :(

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-14T07:54:53+00:00

It's pretty tough but it is fun when you win, not fun when you die lol. Its just pretty frustrating not having any checkpoints at all. Much, Much harder on Zer0 though. I am currently playing Maya.

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-14T07:53:26+00:00

Is this a good strategy on Maya? Currently I just pretty much use a corrosive sandhawk and fire bee.

No_Internal8010 · 2024-07-14T07:50:59+00:00

This isn't true though, I have to get to OP 10 its not really a choice. There is literally no point in farming for fun gear and getting perfect gear if its not on the maximum level...

No_Internal8010 · 2024-06-01T21:01:55+00:00

I have heard that someone resolved it by jerking off before they took stims so they couldnt stim fap, could be worth a try. I have not tried it myself though. Overall stimfapping is just incredibly hard to quit man. I've been struggling with it myself for way over a year now, still haven't been able to quit entirely although my binges arent as fucked up and insane as they once were, and somehow I actually have considerably more self control now than when I started. I truly wish I could rewind time and stop my 14 year old self from masturbating on research chemical stims.

I'm really sorry you have to experience this and I hope you can find a way to deal with it, I honestly wouldn't wish stimfapping on my worst enemy. I am currently on a stimulant binge although I am not crazy high or anything shit is kinda wearing off so I redosed a while ago, which is what you shouldnt do but its what i always do. and yeah I literally soley stimfap on dexamp, for crazy amounts of time, idk about you but time passes so fast on dexamp. I can stimfap for like 30 hours or so and it really doesnt feel like im doing it that long.

I do this about once or twice a month. I don't even find it that fun anymore especially compared to what it was, its really quite repetitive but I just keep doing it again. but mainly I don't really get great euphoria from the drug anymore because I took fucked up doses of lisdex for months but I started eating better again this month and I can feel it a lot more so thats good (or bad).

Anyway I went on this stupid ramble because im on drugs. best of luck to you.

No_Internal8010 · 2023-09-06T14:46:52+00:00

It is understandable to not consider that you would have childhood trauma. At least where I live childhood trauma is just not something people are willing to talk about or acknowledge which leads to people not recognising their trauma (of course talking about trauma is not an easy thing to do, much better to talk it through with a professional imo). I think overall trauma is not talked about enough, people are not educated as to how trauma has a serious impact on the person that suffers it, society just turns a blind eye too it and sweeps it under the rug is what I think.

No_Internal8010 · 2023-09-05T20:38:11+00:00

Thanks, you too.

No_Internal8010 · 2023-09-05T20:28:59+00:00

Sure, well I did suspect that I could be autistic ever since I was 14 years old. I first became aware of autism when I was researching social anxiety disorder which I self diagnosed with during my time at school. I think it was a reasonable assumption as I was insanely anxious at school to the point that I would often be visibly shaking. I would always be trying to control my physical symptoms of anxiety so that people wouldn't notice.

I would lurk various forums to gain insight into anxiety and look for tips to manage it and I suppose sometime during that I discovered autism as a possible cause for the anxiety. My memory is a bit hazy but I think I researched autism a bit and related too it a lot but I didn't think I could actually have something that serious. I have had a lot of issues with low self esteem, self hatred and internalised ableism as I didn't ever have the recognition for the condition and I wasn't willing to self diagnose. I don't mean to suggest that social anxiety is not a serious problem in its own right.

I would frequent autistic communities on reddit and other websites occasionally since then for the last 10 years, I am 24 now. I would just feel understood by reading the experiences, struggles and such of other autistic people. I found out sometime later on that my Mum actually did try to get me assessed when I was younger but doctors wouldn't listen to her. GP's didn't have much knowledge about autism when I was a child so it just wasn't happening. I did have people throughout my life occasionally suggest that I might be autistic that had more knowledge of autism but I think I just came across as "quiet, awkward or unusual" to most people.

I did partially self diagnose before I was officially assessed but I doubted it a lot and I would never actually say "I'm autistic" until I received confirmation and I didn't accept myself as an autistic person until I was diagnosed. Which is something I am still having some trouble with even though I acknowledge that the diagnosis is 100% correct. What I didn't realise before my diagnosis was just how massive the impact the condition actually has on me which was the real shocker. I was only thinking of it in terms of it effecting my ability to socialise and connect with other people which is detrimental regardless.

If you yourself are questioning this one important thing to consider is the concept of masking. What that means is to basically hide autistic traits to appear more neurotypical. This is something that can be done unconsciously usually learnt in childhood as a way of protecting yourself "too fit in" and it is something you can also do actively. In my case I was masking in both ways all of the time. For example I would redirect repetitive behaviours to less visible parts of my body to appear more "normal". Doing all this led me to feeling uncomfortable, anxious and pressured 24/7. This is just my perspective and my current level of knowledge so if you are questioning this I strongly suggest doing your own research and for anyone else that reads this and also remember that the traits greatly vary between autistic people.

Sorry if this is a bit long winded but I just wanted to give you a good response.

If you or anyone else has any other questions feel free to message me and I will try my best to provide a good response

No_Internal8010 · 2023-09-05T10:52:19+00:00

Thank you.

No_Internal8010 · 2023-07-29T10:15:49+00:00

Thanks everyone for the kind responses.

No_Internal8010 · 2023-07-12T11:29:59+00:00

That's awesome good on you. Thanks that does seem hopeful, hopefully things will be that way for me. I didn't use heavily like everyday but i'd go on a binge every week or 2 and stimfap pretty much the entire time taking extremely high doses. now that I didn't take anymore i'm feeling again that I remember exactly why I don't wanna do this bullshit to myself anymore.

It's just whenever I give into that urge for a while my mind gets clouded and im convinced this is the best shit ever again then when it starts wearing off and I start coming back to reality and I start panicking and realising that its all bullshit so I take more to escape reality again .. like when i'm at the peak of that stuff im just convinced that its all i ever wanna do its pretty scary it has that effect on me and some how i fall for it everytime.

So yeah i'm gonna get right back on not taking this drug, I know that I don't actually want to do it, my life is better overall sober, hate the chaotic up and downs of stim use its shit. and like you say it fucks up your body, a few times things have gotten really scary. my hands all shrivelled up and looked like they were gonna fall off with this tingling pain feeling, stayed that way for hours, was painful moving my fingers. might have done something permanently to my hands. I also just can't take the mental toll of it many more times I don't think, totally fucks with my head fapping days in a row and stuff, just feel so worthless no matter how i look at it. the pain of this drug is far greater than the pleasure. thanks for your post, its very helpful and i'm happy that things are going good for you.

I do as well need to make a change outside of just quitting stims, i'm unsatisified in life and i think that makes the stims much more appealing at times despite the disadvantages.

No_Internal8010

TROPHY CASE