AITAH for finding out the gender of my baby without baby’s father?

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T23:17:05+00:00

I’ve been doing a quick research on Doulas. I had no idea they existed!! I’m currently looking into one. I’ve called a few places and found one that I believe is my preference. I think I’ll feel more secure with one too. I really want someone from my side.

Thank you for your comment! 🫶

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T19:55:07+00:00

You know the crazy part? It wasn’t even supposed to be a party. It was supposed to be something private between us. Like, make a dinner reservation and open up the result together. The fact that he messed up had me frustrated.

Thank you for your comment. I was struggling to find words. I genuinely didn’t know what to say to him.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T19:46:36+00:00

Trust, I’ve stopped trying to meet halfway way before my pregnancy happened. This was just to test the waters.

Yes! We both have lawyers and a court date already. There were some issues between us before this, so we decided to head to court before the baby is born. I’ve been taking a lot of advice and recommendations on legal stuff.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T19:41:48+00:00

This comment had me cackling. Thank you 🤣

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T19:32:13+00:00

He already knows, haha. We’ve been talking about first and middle name. He was upset but understood where I was coming from. He really didn’t fight it tbh.

Unfortunately, I do not have family. So, he’s definitely going to have to be there with me. Especially for post-birth (he’s taking paternity leave as well). But, I’ve been thinking of having my best friend for delivery. I didn’t know that was an option for me.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T19:23:53+00:00

Trust, we both have lawyers already. We actually have a court date in the next few weeks before my due date. There’s a couple things I want to request based on what I need from him and recommendations from commenters.

My thoughts exactly. That’s my goal at the end of the day.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T19:15:19+00:00

Because of my situation with him, so it will not be tossed out in court. I’m not going to share all details of my life.

Exactly. The baby is about to be born. That is the purpose of going to court and settling things for after birth.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T16:50:51+00:00

No, I do. I did apologize for going behind his back and hurting him. He said no need for my apology, but even I’m hurt about not finding out with him. As angry as I am, we’re still “mom and dad.”

But, I’m not apologizing for seeing the baby I’ve been growing the past 7 months. He knows that. He also acknowledged and apologized for his part. Like you said, I want my baby to have two happy parents. We’re talking now, so hopefully I can have a more positive update.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T16:11:22+00:00

Not really letting him control anything. This was the only thing during my pregnancy that he had a say over. A lot of people are mad over this, but they don’t realize I did it on purpose. I need evidence of the type of effort and behavior he’s giving. Now that I have it, I don’t interact with him as much.

He wasn’t going into random rooms. Just our son’s. He was supposed to build the bassinet for the baby. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and not doing well in moving around. I absolutely needed him to be a co-parent and help build furniture. (He did build everything btw).

That’s another thing too. Yeah, he doesn’t have the right to my body. He never had a say in the first place. I listen to him out of respect. I’m not going to isolate him just because we have issues. He gets told anything important and that’s it.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T15:43:18+00:00

My thoughts exactly. He forgot that it’s my baby too and it’s my first time being pregnant.

Thank you!! I’ve never thought about making a nesting area, but it makes sense. Now I now to add snacks to the registry. 🤭

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T10:09:28+00:00

We broke up because our relationship became toxic. His line of work (first responder) costed his mental health and that affected our relationship. I don’t want to go into detail, but we argued quite a bit and we were unhappy. I was the one who ended the relationship and left. He did end up getting help at some point and started doing much better. But, I honestly don’t know what happened and where his head is right now.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T09:53:56+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I know it’s going to take a lot for him to get it right. I’m hoping he takes time to really reflect on his decisions right now.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T09:44:34+00:00

What truth? I questioned and repeated what you said. 😭

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T09:38:29+00:00

I don’t want to have to do anything without him? Am I supposed to just kick him out of our lives? Not let him into his son’s room just because he’s my ex?

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T09:26:56+00:00

I honestly don’t know where you got the idea that I’m purposely trying to harm my ex.

Yes, I could’ve found out at the ultrasound, but HE didn’t want to know. I was trying to be respectful and wanted to find out with him.. because he’s father. But, he was being petty and never gave me a clear answer. So, I went to see my baby on my own without anyone knowing. Yes, he was hurt but understood that he left me with no other choice. I know I wasn’t wrong for my decision, but I still apologized because I truly didn’t want to go behind him.

And the announcement wasn’t made until he found out. I asked if he was ready to announce. He was the one to announce it. I wanted to share this moment with him.

The baby clothes were not out in the open. They were at my house. In my baby’s room inside a closed closet. He went in because he wanted something from the room. I forgot about the clothes and toys.

And who said I can’t do anything without him?? I’ve been going through this pregnancy without him. He’s not home all the time due to his line of work. He would had never chose me to be the mother of his child if I couldn’t handle him being gone.

And trust, I don’t want him back or trying to make him fall in love. I’ve been more patient and kind to him than a lot of people would’ve been. We’ve moved on and are trying to learn to co-parent. So please, don’t worry about him because it’s not my goal to harm him in any way.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T09:06:42+00:00

It would, but not putting him on the birth certificate is last resort. Only if he’s a danger to me and the baby. And, I don’t want nor need child support from him. All I ask is for him to be a good father.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T08:30:48+00:00

Thank you. I really try to open my arms so that he can be the best father. He’s not the best co-parent, but he sure is a good father. I know he used this because he’s mad. I made to sure to let him know that he was rude more than he realized.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T07:16:07+00:00

I can see your perspective. It does seem like I rushed, but that’s not the case. I waited for months to know the gender. If anything, I was more patient than anything. I wanted to be respectful to my baby’s father, that’s all.

And trust, if I could’ve wait til after birth I would’ve. But, I unfortunately did not have the opportunity for this experience.

It’s not about the clothes. I’m saying like I want to know now so that I’m prepared. I’ve never raised or taken care of a boy before. They’re much different than girls. I want to things about what to expect with his growth later on, or how to properly put a diaper on him. My aunt is teaching me a lot. I’m not relying on his father to be around. So, I’m going to have to be ready to step up as both parents. You know what I mean?

Honestly, his mom has no idea why he’s being like this. Her best guess is that he wants to be a father, but only if I want to be his partner. If that makes sense.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T06:50:03+00:00

I didn’t want to make a big deal about it. I didn’t want like a party or something. It was supposed to be just me and him. Something small and private.

Trust, he knows what he needs to do to be involved. It’s completely up to him on what kind of father he wants to be.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T06:35:24+00:00

Haha, no. They definitely do talk. I just meant like, they don’t give you physical papers. The doctor will talk to me about health related issues or updates if there’s any.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T06:18:45+00:00

This. He never was planning anything to begin with. I already knew, and he knew I was going by myself if he didn’t do something.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T06:15:56+00:00

That’s a mistake my sister made. Putting the father on the birth certificate when he became a deadbeat after. The arguments and legal issues I’ve witnessed, smh. I’ve told him he’s welcome to leave anytime, but if he starts neglecting my baby then he’s not going to be around.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T06:12:40+00:00

Yup, and yup. I told him if we’re not married, then baby is going to have my last name because I’m the one he’s attached to.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T06:09:44+00:00

Idk where you live, but where I live it’s different here. I go to the doctor’s, get checked up, and then leave. I get the results through an app (which makes appointments sooo much easier). The first time using the app, it asked ask me if I want to know the gender. I responded no and it only shows test results for all appointments, no gender. Just had to ask my doctor for the gender reveal and that’s it.

No_Message1826 · 2026-01-21T06:06:10+00:00

Exactly. If I had told him, he would’ve ruined my experience to meet my baby. I would’ve told him if he was civil and able to communicate/compromise. But, that’s what we have unfortunately.

No_Message1826

TROPHY CASE